Calvary!!

It seems I have so much to share today.  The Lord has been working in my life this week, and there's been a lot of things happen...and not all bad.  First, I will tell you that I must have another surgery on April 9th.  Through ultrasound this week, it seems as if part of an ovary was left behind after my hysterectomy surgery I had back in October.  My brain sees that I have part of an ovary and so it's working overtime to try and make this ovary work to full capacity.  The funny thing is that the ovary is working at full capacity!  My estrogen level should be around 30 and it's at 160.  The doctor says that since this ovary has been there since October and has been working so hard, it's grown.  It's about as big as the end of a fingertip, but my cancer was estrogen positive, so the remnant ovary must come out. 

Now, I will admit that upon first hearing this news, I had a roller coaster of emotion.  I was (and still am) very grateful that God has allowed the doctors to find this.  If not, then I would've been going through the next five years on a medicine that wasn't working, and the chances of my cancer returning would have been greater.  Praise the Lord this has been found!  My next emotion was frustration because it's like taking a huge step forward and then being knocked backwards.  You know how that is...something unexpected and something you just don't like.  Next, I was angry because I couldn't believe that this had happened to me.  Yes, it was a very sob story of woe is me.  :)  But then came God!  After a few days of this roller coaster, He picked me back up and there were ways He spoke to me this week.  Let me share.

Yesterday, I woke up feeling a little down, but not like the few days before - I just felt alone in my thoughts.  So I started my day like every other - got the boys to school, had time with God, went to workout, but just couldn't shake this feeling I had.  I talked about it a little that morning with family and friends, but I think I was searching for an answer that I didn't know if I was going to get - what do I do now.  I went to get in my car that morning to head home after some errands and when I got in and cranked it, my radio was playing (quite loudly) on a Christian station that I don't normally listen to.  At Calvary was the song being played and I sat there in wonderment.  I couldn't move...I just sat and listened.  I've heard this song many times, grown up with this song, but yesterday, I heard it.  The words that stuck out and seemed to hit me most were, "Mercy there was great and Grace was free, Pardon there was multiplied to me, there my burdened soul found liberty, at Calvary."  Okay, let me reiterate that the radio was on a station that I don't listen to (or didn't), and I'm listening to a song about Calvary...where my burdened soul found liberty!  Then I heard, "now I’ve given to Jesus everything, now I gladly own Him as my King, now my raptured soul can only sing of Calvary!"
Wow!  I knew then that God was in my car with me telling me to lay down my burdened soul at Calvary.  I knew in that moment that He had been watching me the last few days struggle and weep and wonder about this next step.  I felt Him looking at me as His child in need of His word, His love, His strength, His power, His mercy and His peace.  God played that song for me and I laid this surgery down at Calvary.  He's got it under control and there's a reason for it, and honestly, I hope He lets us see the reason.  I wait in anticipation of what He's going to do next.  It's such an amazing, freeing experience to think that I can lay down my burdens, give everything to Jesus and just keep on praising Him.  I do praise Him for who He is and for having my life in His hands.  I praise Him for Calvary and one day my raptured soul will sing praise to Him forevermore!

I know I've talked many times before about the differences in being on the mountain top and in the valley.  I will say that most of my life I've spent not really looking at it in terms of mountains and valleys.  But since cancer, God has shown me the difference.  I will also admit that when I got "the call" that I had cancer, I just plummeted to the bottom of the valley.  In time and through this journey I am trying to appreciate both places, for they are both quite unique and lovely.  I feel as I've spent the last few months on the mountain and the view has been beautiful.  Now I feel as if I'm heading back down to the valley, but this time I'm okay.  I'm not falling and plummeting fast to the bottom this time.  I'm going slower this time, making sure I don't miss the view on the way down.  God is the King of the Mountain, but He's also the Shephard of the field, or the valley.  The lillies are beautiful here, the rain that washes off the mountaintop lands here in the valley and makes the fields lush and green!  As I've said before, it's beautiful in the valley, too, for that's where we can look up toward the top of the mountain, toward the sky, toward God and see things we can't see if we're too high.  We can anticipate the journey back up, too, because it's always magnificent, growing our faith.  For you see, right now, I'm walking behind God on the way down to the valley.  He's walking before me, preparing the way.  He'll walk with me while in the valley and make sure I don't miss His blessings and His beauty.  Then, on the way up, He'll walk behind me, pushing me and helping me reach the top, making sure I don't miss a thing. 

I pray you know Jesus and what He did for you at Calvary.  I pray you know that you can lay your burdens down because He will carry them for you, no matter what they are.  I pray you enjoy and love the view from both places - the mountaintop and the valley - because He's there in both places, walking, or maybe playing you a song, right along side you.  :)

I love you all,
Kacey

God Wins!

In the last several days I have experienced God in such a powerful way.  He has revealed so much to me and I'd like to share. 

We all thought my medicine for cancer was working wonderfully.  Well, I went to the doctor last week because something felt "off".  Don't misunderstand, I still feel great, but I believe the Holy Spirit was preparing me.  My doctor drew some blood this time to make sure my estrogen levels were down low enough that we would be certain the medicine was doing its job.  He said he would be shocked if my level was above 50.  Well...it came back at 160!  This means there is estrogen in my body somehow, we just don't know how or what we're going to do about it.  I have another appointment with him next Wednesday to talk this over, so please pray for me as I embark upon a new path.  This doesn't really have me worried because as God tells us in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV)  So whatever He wants me to do, I am preparing for it. 

I must admit that this has thrown me off balance, though, made me think and analyze where I've been and where I am.  I specifically asked God to let me know if this medicine wasn't working properly.  I take seizure medication that can interfere with the potency of the cancer medicine, so we have to be on the watch for that.  So, I am not surprised that God is showing me His love, His concern, and His plan in letting me know that something needs to be "tweaked".  What does surprise me is that I believe this is a way the enemy is trying to get to me.  There have been several things happen this week that are only worth mentioning in the context that the enemy does not like it when we praise our Lord.  Remember, John 10:10 tells us "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy."  BUT...the end of that verse says it all when Jesus says "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly"!  I looked up that word abundant and it means excessive, overflowing, over and above, more than enough, extraordinary!  I love that!  Let's just think this through...The enemy came to steal, kill, and destroy; however, when Jesus came He came to not only give us life, but give us a life that is extraordinary!!  Wow!  I have to say that the things that have been put in my path this week almost got me down.  But did you get the main word of that last sentence...almost.  You see, in my quiet time I was reading in Matthew 4 where Jesus is tempted by the devil.  Jesus was mocked and taunted, but then Jesus says in verse 10 of that same chapter, "Away with you, satan, for it is written that you shall worship the LORD your God and Him only you shall serve"!  Well hallelujah!  Who am I to think that if Jesus was tempted and taunted and mocked while here on earth that I wouldn't be?  But the beauty of this is that Jesus has already won the battle.  Really, I read the back of the book, I read how the story ends - God wins!  A trumpet's gonna sound and I'll be called away!  So the enemy didn't get me down...he tried and he tried hard, but God came in to rescue me.  He swooped down this week and put Himself in my path so that He was all I could see.  It was so vivid to me in front of my eyes and in my dreams and in the car, it was as if God was sitting right beside me.  I literally could hear His voice.  He was able to drown out the enemy for me and God had victory!  Amen!!

I tried a new exercise class this week.  It was 30 minutes long and I was able to do it - maybe not all the steps, but I was able to last for the entire 30 minutes.  After the class was over I went to the back room to catch my breath, but I met God there.  He was waiting for me in that room.  I felt His presence so strongly - I burst into tears.  He gave me a look back at where I've been, where I am now, and gently reminded me that He's in control of where I'm going.  It was overwhelming.  He flooded me with tears of joy.  I know exercise is not a big deal to some, but for me, four short months ago I could barely walk.  I am very humbled and grateful today for each milestone God allows me to accomplish. 

After I finished exercising I walked outside and saw this big, huge tree standing in front of me.  It's always been there in the same place, looking the same way, and I've passed it countless times and not noticed it.  But today, there it was...leafless, yet shining in the sunlight.  There were many branches, but many that were broken, and I thought of us as humans.  Isn't that what we are?  We are a lowly, broken people with many branches in our lives that are broken and battered, yet with Jesus we stand tall and shining in the midst of the "Son".  We stand because Jesus came and died for our sins so that we would not have to die in sin without hope of an everlasting, glorious, beautiful place called Heaven.  This tree reminded me of the tree of life...a connection to a life with Jesus our Lord.  God took me to Revelation 22:13-14 that says, "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last.  Blessed are those who do His commandments, that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter through the gates into the city."  God showed me that tree today to let me know that the enemy has no power, no authority, for God is Holy and Just and Worthy to be praised! 

My heart is overflowing today with love for my heavenly Father.  I heard Him today speak to me so quietly, so gently, but with such might and power.  No, I'm not worried about the things thrown into the middle of my path...God walks in front of me...He'll get to it first and He'll take care of it.  In the meantime, He lets the leaves bloom and the branches heal in my body and I give Him praise and honor, and glory for all of it!

I love you all,
Kacey