The Flower and the Weed

When I woke up this morning, I didn't feel great.  My body feels tired and worn out, like I just want to pull the covers up over my head and stay in bed.  However, for a mom of two boys and a wife, that's usually not possible.  So I'm up getting ready for the day, it's raining outside and cold, and I feel just like it looks outside.  Before I have a chance to even talk to God about it, though, something happens.  I'm at my kitchen sink and notice these two little green, dried up, weed looking things.  At first I think, what is this?  Then it hits me as I look over at Jonah (my six year old), and I remember...Friday when I was cleaning out his lunch box I found these two "flowers" and asked him about it.  His response was a shy one...you know the kind...head down, grinning, really proud but not sure if he should be.  I said, "where did you find these?"  He said, "well, I found these two flowers on the playground and picked them for you.  I put them in my lunchbox so no one would see them and they wouldn't get smushed."  Well, of course I cried and showered him with love and thanks.  I left them on the ledge behind the kitchen sink and didn't think anymore about them...until today.  As I'm standing there all sad because I don't feel great, God reminds me - again - that I am so very blessed.  My child picked these flowers for me to make me smile, never caring that they're weeds or that they're limp and dried.  He only wanted to do something for me to make me feel special and let me know he loves me.  He thinks about me when he's at school, and he wasn't ashamed to pick them and bring them home.  God reminded me that that's all He wants from us - no matter how our day starts or how our body feels, He wants us to think about Him and love Him and not be ashamed to show our love for Him, no matter our circumstances. 

One year ago today I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that I had breast cancer.  My next step was to be tested for a particular gene.  If I carried the gene it could mean my boys, my mom, my sister, my new little niece and any children my sister had in the future would have a greater chance of getting cancer.  It would also mean that the chances of the cancer returning for me where increased tremendously and my treatment plan going forward would be different.  I was supposed to find out that information in a week, and it ended up taking almost 30 days of waiting and agonizing.  I Praise God that I was not a carrier.  Those were the longest days of my life...not knowing whether my family was in jeopardy and not knowing what my next course of action was going to be.

I say all of this to say that God lets us sit and think for a while sometimes so that we may be able to see the flower instead of the weed; that we may be able to see His unconditional love through our children or friends or family.  Last week God revealed to me how wonderful it is to be on the mountain because that's when we get such a beautiful view of the valley from where we've just traveled.  But from the valley we get to see the beauty of the mountaintop and know there is hope in God and His love and His promises.  Today, God allowed me to see that there's beauty not only in the flowers, but also in the weeds, for God loves me and you on days when we're blossoming and beautiful just as much as He does on days when we're tired and spent and weary, like the lonesome weed.  I couldn't tell the difference today between the flower and the weed, I just saw the love and the beauty of my child.  That's what God sees when He sees us.  God is good!  God is amazing!  Look for Him and you'll find Him...He's everywhere.

I love you all,
Kacey Douglas