I realized this week that my life is divided. I've heard other people say that before; that their lives had a turning point, or an "Ah-ha" moment..something that changed who they are. I have been a Christian most of my life, having accepted Christ as my Savior at 10 years old - but never have I really experienced God like I have since breast cancer. So that's my dividing point - my life before cancer and my life after cancer. Boy, if you had asked me before cancer came, I would've told you that I was close to the Lord, that I served Him and saw Him and heard Him and studied about Him. And I did, but never like now...not really, not truly experiencing the fullness of God's grace and mercy and love and magnificence and power.
I heard a song this week, and I'm not sure this is the title, but it's 525 thousand 600 minutes. It's probably an old song and you're probably thinking how out of touch I am, but I heard it this week for the first time. :) God spoke to me so much through that song. I thought about much time that is - 525,600 minutes in one year. What was I doing with those minutes? Was I spending them correctly? Was I getting the most out of them? How many of those minutes did I spend with God? What I thought about most was the fact that we are not promised one more of those minutes. All 525,600 of those minutes are a gift. They're precious. It changed my way of thinking. Brother Jerry, our pastor, has been preaching on the last phrases that Jesus said before He died on the cross. Last week, he talked about the two thieves who hung on the crosses on each side of Jesus. One thief only wanted Jesus to get him down. He thought that Jesus should just call on the angels and get them down off the cross. The other thief, however, only asked that Jesus remember him in paradise, or Heaven. Jesus responded to this thief by telling him that "today you will be with Me." So when I heard this song, I immediately thought of this thief. In the last few minutes of his life, he asked Jesus to save him. This thief was forgiven and is in Heaven. That's wonderful! But what saddened me was all of the other 525,600 minutes a year that this thief had wasted...all of the things he had missed.
So I began to think about my life in that way. I said earlier that my life feels divided into before cancer and after. I've loved the Lord all my life and I know His timing is perfect. Maybe this hunger and thirst I have for the Lord is about timing. But maybe not...maybe I've let too many 525,600 minutes a year go by missing out. The Bible tells us in Matthew 24:36 that "no one knows the day or hour of when the Lord is coming." And in Matthew 24:42 it tells us to "watch, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming." We don't know how many more minutes we have. I have seen such beauty and glory in the sky these last few days that I'm beginning to think I'm looking for the rapture - which would be awesome! But I am so thankful for the things God shows us if we ask and if we're looking while we're here on earth spending our 525,600 minutes a year. I can't imagine how glorious it will be when we get to Heaven...how peaceful and happy. God tells us the streets will be made of gold, that there will be no crying and no worry; that the gates will be made of pearls and that He is preparing many mansions! He tells us we'll see loved ones there, that we'll get to meet the saints of old. We'll meet Abraham and Moses and Noah and maybe get to chat about the burning bush and the Red Sea and the ark! There won't be sicknesses like so many of us have and are experiencing. There will be no loss, no pain. I pray you know Him as your Savior. I love Him, and without Him I would be nothing. I would have no hope against cancer without Him. But I have hope. Most importantly, though, because I know Him as my Savior, my 525,600 minutes never expire. They might expire here on earth, so I want to use them the best way I can and look for Him in as many ways as possible and share them whenever I get a chance. Our years won't be measured by days and hours and minutes and seconds in Heaven. They'll be never-ending. I am so humbled and thankful that Jesus died on the cross so that we can experience all this. I didn't deserve for Him to do this for me. He did have a chance to call on angels to save Him from such a horrendous death. But we were worth too much to Him. He suffered for you and for me and one day we'll have an eternity of 525,600 minutes!
Thank you for letting me share His glory.
I love you all,
Kacey
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Beauty through the eyes of God
One year ago today, I went in for my last week of radiation treatments. My skin was burned and we found out that the "rash" on top of the radiation site was actually shingles. Yes, I had shingles on top of my burned skin. It was miserable. The upside? I didn't have to have any more treatments! At times, it seems like yesterday that I was going everyday for treatment. Other times, it feels like forever. But a couple of things have happened this week that I'd like to share. I've been humbled, again, of God's power, His graciousness and His beauty.
I am now on my third medication to keep cancer from returning. I will be on this medicine for the next five years. I was not able to take the other two because of serious side effects. So, to be able to take this medicine is a praise. But, for me, it goes further than that. I've been at a point where I didn't have the energy to sit up. I've been where I had trouble just walking. I've had blood clots. To be a wife and a mom of two boys, there have been many silent tears shed because I just couldn't keep up. But about a month ago I joined a gym for women. I feel comfortable there and I need to be in shape, not only because I want to, but because I want to be healthy and do everything I can to help myself and keep this cancer beaten forever! The gym is set up in a way that keeps track of your progress. Monday was my best day ever. I can keep up, and I can do it! I got in my car to come home and burst into tears. I wasn't going to share this because I know it sounds silly, but I know now that what's important to us is important to God. I was humbled to think back to this time last year and compare it to now. Last year, I was in the midst of a painful, tiring day to day existence. Today, I'm living and keeping up and running and playing and doing all the things I felt like I would never do again. I say all of this to you because God reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11. He tells us in His word that He knows the plans He has for us, plans of peace and not evil, to give us a future and a HOPE! He goes on to say in Jeremiah 29:12 "Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you". That's what struck me so much...I did call to Him. I asked Him for something that I thought sounded silly, to be able to workout and feel better about myself. It's really hard during your walk through cancer to ever feel beautiful. You don't feel good, your body has changed, and so you don't feel pretty. But God sees us differently than we see ourselves. He gives us that hope, and He listens, even when we are asking for something small. And when we get to a certain point of that road we're walking, whether it be cancer or some other kind of illness or battle, He will let us see ourselves as He does, wonderfully and beautifully made! All we have to do is ask Him and He's there to show us.
One last thing that happened this week is something God showed me in the sky. If you know me or have read any of my other blogs, you know how much I treasure the comfort we can find under the wings of God. There have been two cases in the last two weeks where the sky has been incredible. This week, late in the afternoon one day, I was on my way home and the blue sky had one major cloud. It was a cloud that had what looked like feathers, sweeping across the sky. One of my favorite verses came to mind and that's Psalm 91:1. The heading above this chapter in my Bible reads, "Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God"; and the verse says "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty". This verse makes me think of God's wings, and what I saw in the sky made me feel so safe and secure, almost as if God had spread His wings over us in full view of His magnificent sky to let us know He's got us covered...He's there.
Thank you for reading this - I know it's long. But if you're going through something right now that has you feeling ugly or anxious, please remember that you are covered by the love and wings of God, and you are beautiful...inside and out! Some say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder...how much greater is it when beauty is in the eye of the creator!
I love you,
Kacey
I am now on my third medication to keep cancer from returning. I will be on this medicine for the next five years. I was not able to take the other two because of serious side effects. So, to be able to take this medicine is a praise. But, for me, it goes further than that. I've been at a point where I didn't have the energy to sit up. I've been where I had trouble just walking. I've had blood clots. To be a wife and a mom of two boys, there have been many silent tears shed because I just couldn't keep up. But about a month ago I joined a gym for women. I feel comfortable there and I need to be in shape, not only because I want to, but because I want to be healthy and do everything I can to help myself and keep this cancer beaten forever! The gym is set up in a way that keeps track of your progress. Monday was my best day ever. I can keep up, and I can do it! I got in my car to come home and burst into tears. I wasn't going to share this because I know it sounds silly, but I know now that what's important to us is important to God. I was humbled to think back to this time last year and compare it to now. Last year, I was in the midst of a painful, tiring day to day existence. Today, I'm living and keeping up and running and playing and doing all the things I felt like I would never do again. I say all of this to you because God reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11. He tells us in His word that He knows the plans He has for us, plans of peace and not evil, to give us a future and a HOPE! He goes on to say in Jeremiah 29:12 "Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you". That's what struck me so much...I did call to Him. I asked Him for something that I thought sounded silly, to be able to workout and feel better about myself. It's really hard during your walk through cancer to ever feel beautiful. You don't feel good, your body has changed, and so you don't feel pretty. But God sees us differently than we see ourselves. He gives us that hope, and He listens, even when we are asking for something small. And when we get to a certain point of that road we're walking, whether it be cancer or some other kind of illness or battle, He will let us see ourselves as He does, wonderfully and beautifully made! All we have to do is ask Him and He's there to show us.
One last thing that happened this week is something God showed me in the sky. If you know me or have read any of my other blogs, you know how much I treasure the comfort we can find under the wings of God. There have been two cases in the last two weeks where the sky has been incredible. This week, late in the afternoon one day, I was on my way home and the blue sky had one major cloud. It was a cloud that had what looked like feathers, sweeping across the sky. One of my favorite verses came to mind and that's Psalm 91:1. The heading above this chapter in my Bible reads, "Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God"; and the verse says "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty". This verse makes me think of God's wings, and what I saw in the sky made me feel so safe and secure, almost as if God had spread His wings over us in full view of His magnificent sky to let us know He's got us covered...He's there.
Thank you for reading this - I know it's long. But if you're going through something right now that has you feeling ugly or anxious, please remember that you are covered by the love and wings of God, and you are beautiful...inside and out! Some say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder...how much greater is it when beauty is in the eye of the creator!
I love you,
Kacey
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Don't Give Up
I sit here tonight as I write and find myself overflowing with gratefulness. Two months ago, I was barely able to walk. I was on my second different medicine that was needed to block cancer from returning, and it wasn't working. The first one caused blood clots, and now this one seemed to be shutting down my ability to walk. So the doctor took me off of it in early January for three weeks to see if I improved, and I did. I began my third medicine about a month ago. The doctor said to give it a good month and see what happens. Well...I am at a month and I am doing great! So far, my knees and legs are better than ever. I've even begun to exercise again and that feels good. Until now, when I feel so good, I didn't know just how bad I felt then.
What struck me so much this week that I would like to share with you is something I read that Max Lucado wrote. He said that God never gives up. There were a lot of examples he gave in which God could have given up on someone, but didn't. But what was most powerful for me was the last two sentences which said, "When human hands fastened the divine hands to a cross with spikes, it wasn't the soldiers who held the hands of Jesus steady; it was God. God, who would give up His only son before he'd give up on you." Wow! I sat there for a long time after I read that thinking about what it really meant. I have to say that when I look at myself, my life, my sin, my human nature - when I really look at me, it's hard to believe that God would give up His one and only son before He would give up on me. What that told me was that I couldn't give up either. There have been many times during this last year and a half that I felt like giving up. I didn't know if I could take another step. When I think about how I feel today versus how I felt this time last year, I realize that without God I couldn't have made it. This time last year I was in the throes of radiation treatments. Before I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was having excruciating headaches. At that time, the doctor determined I had shingles inside my skull. They weren't on my brain, but just inside my head on my skull. It was awful. Then during the radiation treatments I developed another round of shingles on top of the radiation site. I wanted to give up. But God wouldn't let me. How? Because He would send me just enough strength to make it and just enough encouragement to see it through, and just enough support and love to rest in Him, many times through each of you. He took me where His healing was waiting for me. God tells us in Psalm 125:2, "As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people from this time forth and forever". (NKJV) He never leaves us and never gives up on us. We can't throw in the towel when the going gets tough...there's something waiting for us at the end. James tells us to "consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds, knowing that the testing of our faith produces patience; to let patience have its perfect work that we may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing". (NKJV) I think this is a hard verse of the Bible because when we are in the middle of our troubles, the last thing we feel is joy. I never thought I would face something so life-changing, so challenging, so uplifting all at once. God gave up His son so He wouldn't have to give up on me. I know He's walked with me, and I know He's given me more blessings than I can count through this cancer walk I'm on. I've seen my life be transformed into something I sometimes don't recognize...because I see God at every turn. I see His beauty and His love and His grace. I feel His presence, His whispers, His arms holding me when I'm scared and when I cry. I feel Him smiling and His encouragement when I'm able to do something today that I couldn't do two months ago. I see Him in the vastness of His sky and the whiteness of His snow. I hear Him in the voices of His people that He puts in my path, or a song I hear that seems to be meant only for me. I hear Him in the night saying, "I am with you wherever you go" (Jeremiah 1:9). So I can't give up...look at all the things I'll miss.
So what I would like to share with you today is that if you've just found yourself in the middle of something overwhelming or insurmountable, something scary, an illness that just comes on the wrong day or an illness that can be life-altering, a relationship that's in trouble, a child who's wandered from the fold...anything that you weren't expecting that you don't think you can get through...please don't give up. God is waiting. He's there and ready to walk before you and carry you through...and when He does He'll show you things you never imagined, beauty that you've never seen. Remember, He gave up His only son so He didn't have to give up on you.
I love you all,
Kacey
What struck me so much this week that I would like to share with you is something I read that Max Lucado wrote. He said that God never gives up. There were a lot of examples he gave in which God could have given up on someone, but didn't. But what was most powerful for me was the last two sentences which said, "When human hands fastened the divine hands to a cross with spikes, it wasn't the soldiers who held the hands of Jesus steady; it was God. God, who would give up His only son before he'd give up on you." Wow! I sat there for a long time after I read that thinking about what it really meant. I have to say that when I look at myself, my life, my sin, my human nature - when I really look at me, it's hard to believe that God would give up His one and only son before He would give up on me. What that told me was that I couldn't give up either. There have been many times during this last year and a half that I felt like giving up. I didn't know if I could take another step. When I think about how I feel today versus how I felt this time last year, I realize that without God I couldn't have made it. This time last year I was in the throes of radiation treatments. Before I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was having excruciating headaches. At that time, the doctor determined I had shingles inside my skull. They weren't on my brain, but just inside my head on my skull. It was awful. Then during the radiation treatments I developed another round of shingles on top of the radiation site. I wanted to give up. But God wouldn't let me. How? Because He would send me just enough strength to make it and just enough encouragement to see it through, and just enough support and love to rest in Him, many times through each of you. He took me where His healing was waiting for me. God tells us in Psalm 125:2, "As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people from this time forth and forever". (NKJV) He never leaves us and never gives up on us. We can't throw in the towel when the going gets tough...there's something waiting for us at the end. James tells us to "consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds, knowing that the testing of our faith produces patience; to let patience have its perfect work that we may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing". (NKJV) I think this is a hard verse of the Bible because when we are in the middle of our troubles, the last thing we feel is joy. I never thought I would face something so life-changing, so challenging, so uplifting all at once. God gave up His son so He wouldn't have to give up on me. I know He's walked with me, and I know He's given me more blessings than I can count through this cancer walk I'm on. I've seen my life be transformed into something I sometimes don't recognize...because I see God at every turn. I see His beauty and His love and His grace. I feel His presence, His whispers, His arms holding me when I'm scared and when I cry. I feel Him smiling and His encouragement when I'm able to do something today that I couldn't do two months ago. I see Him in the vastness of His sky and the whiteness of His snow. I hear Him in the voices of His people that He puts in my path, or a song I hear that seems to be meant only for me. I hear Him in the night saying, "I am with you wherever you go" (Jeremiah 1:9). So I can't give up...look at all the things I'll miss.
So what I would like to share with you today is that if you've just found yourself in the middle of something overwhelming or insurmountable, something scary, an illness that just comes on the wrong day or an illness that can be life-altering, a relationship that's in trouble, a child who's wandered from the fold...anything that you weren't expecting that you don't think you can get through...please don't give up. God is waiting. He's there and ready to walk before you and carry you through...and when He does He'll show you things you never imagined, beauty that you've never seen. Remember, He gave up His only son so He didn't have to give up on you.
I love you all,
Kacey
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