Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Luke 6:31
Today is the fourth day I've tried to write. It's the fourth time I've tried to put into words what's on my heart. I'll admit that when God began speaking to me about writing on this subject I knew it would be hard. It's out of my comfort zone and something hard for me to put into words. I've asked myself why, and I believe it's because this subject is one we don't talk about much. I'm talking about loving one another. Oh, we'll say we love everybody. We'll say we're Christian so we have to love one another, right? We'll put a smile on our faces and act as if all is right with the world and be dying inside because our hearts are broken and shattered in a million pieces. What do we do about it? How do we mend our hearts and move on? If we're Christians, shouldn't we love each other, constantly turning the other cheek, no matter the circumstance? And what if it's family or a true and trusted friend that's stopped caring and loving us, shouldn't we just keep on keeping on because that's what we're meant to do? I believe the answer is no, and I want to share with you why I think this.
I keep coming back to write and seem to get stuck. I'm not sure if it's because I'm having such a hard time putting it into words, or because I so want to convey what the Lord has laid on my heart. I have people in my life that have left or hurt me in ways I never thought possible. I've sought God's help in trying to understand what I'm to do in situations where I've been commanded to love, but deep in my heart I'm so heart broken I can't find my way. So I've continued to ask God to show me, speak to me because I really believe that when He speaks to me this strongly it's meant for someone else out there that may be struggling.
I think another reason this has been difficult for me is because it's hard to watch someone you love go through something painful when there's nothing you can do to fix it. But God can. Psalm 147:3 says, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds". So that's the first thing we need to realize. God is here to mend and heal our hearts. He's here to heal our wounds, no matter how deep. God also tells us in Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." I LOVE this verse. Peace just flows out of these words right to my heart. You need to know that we have a God who is close to the brokenhearted and the crushed. He must have known we would need these words in this life we live. I know I've needed them. Let me share with you two instances where I have not only needed these words, but I've needed to understand how I'm supposed to move on - do I stay or do I walk away.
The first instance is about bullying. One of our sons was bullied at school last year. It was hard to watch and harder to explain. It was a friend who turned on him. Proverbs 20:11 says, "Even a child is known by his deeds, whether what he does is pure and right." This child knew what he was doing. He was called out on it, asked about it, so he knew. Our son knew what was happening, too, but he didn't know why. The bullying was subtle and sneaky and quiet, yet the impact was huge. The impact was hard on all of us because our whole family lost a friendship over the actions of a child. Psalm 41:9 says, Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me." There's nothing harder than watching your child hurt, watching them lose their confidence, watching them let someone else have power over them. Well, we made it through the school year and we grieved the loss. Does it hurt less because we're angry? No. But we get through it and begin a new school year. The very first day this same child starts again with his words. My son comes home with a first day that's not what he anticipated. First. Day. I cannot begin to tell you how I felt - angry, frustrated, hurt, weary to name a few. My husband and I have taken steps to make sure this stops, but what I really want to focus on is what God says. How do we get our son through this and not let him suffer? This can be tricky because although he is a Christian, it's hard for him to understand that God may be using this to strengthen him. The Bible says in Psalms 73:26, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever". We have shared with him Matthew 5:39 where Jesus tells us to "turn the other cheek". However, we must understand here that He is telling us to not take our own revenge. God does that for us. "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord", says Romans 12:19. We must also look at the significance of when Jesus was slapped on the face by the guard of the High Priest. He did not turn His face so the guard could slap him again. Instead Jesus said in John 18:23, "If I said something wrong, testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?" This shows us that even Jesus defended himself with words and demanded an answer for the treatment He was given. We don't have to take it. We don't have to subject ourselves to the mistreatment of others. Stand up. Stand firm. Stand on God's word that says that confronting is okay. Let me interject here that we are to always continue to love in our hearts. Mark 12:31 says, "The second is this, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." So we are working on this with our son. We are showing him what God says, encouraging him to confront it so he feels powerful instead of powerless, but also encouraging him to walk away. We can love, but we do not have to participate in a hurtful relationship.
I have watched my mother deal with the same situation, except in her case it's with family. Does this make it harder to walk away from? Yes. Does it mean that because it's family we should stay and take the abuse? No. We don't have to be trapped in a relationship that's abusive. Sometimes I think we, as Christians, believe we are to feel guilty if we walk out on a family relationship no matter the treatment. We can forgive our abuser but the Bible does not tell us to continue in it. I have watched my mother grieve the loss of her mother and sisters for years. She kept returning to the relationship because of her deep longing for their love, acceptance and relationship. Much like my son, she does not understand why things are the way they are. She's asked herself a million questions and tried to figure out what she's done. What if there's nothing? She's been to them many, many times to reconcile and will eventually find herself in the same hurtful, heartbroken place. Psalm 27:10 says, "Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me." See, although our family members may leave us, God never does. Psalm 68:6 says, "God sets the lonely in families...". I can attest that He has set my mother in a family and she is lonely. She has no relationship with her mom or sisters. She is crushed in her spirit. But hear this. 2 Timothy 4:18 says, "The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory for ever and ever. Amen." Amen. God will rescue us. He keeps us safe. To give the details of this relationship is not what's important, for there are too many to tell. What's important here is that I have watched my mother suffer in the name of family, even when it's been unhealthy for her - for all of us. Psalm 129: 2 and 4 says, "They have greatly oppressed me from my youth, But the Lord is righteous; He has cut me free from the cords of the wicked." Wait a minute, now. Did I say wicked? You bet I did. My mother has been oppressed by her family for years. Is it not wicked for a mother to turn her back on her own daughter? Is it not wicked for a family member to keep on hurting over and over again? There are many verses in the Bible that speak of leaving bad situations. Proverbs 13:20 says, "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm."
Please know that I do not condone just haphazardly leaving family or friend relationships. But look at the heart of those you're trying to convince to love and like you. Do they love you? Do they treat you with respect? Have you done all that God has asked you to do to try and reconcile? If so, I think one of the verses that helps the most is Mark 6:11 that says, "And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave, as a testimony against them." Did you hear that? God wants us to live for Him. He wants us to experience full joyfulness. Don't let anyone stand in the way of that. Let's pray for these that hurt us. Let's love them. Let's always pray that God shifts their hearts enough for reconciliation. But 1 Corinthians 7:15 says, ",,,A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace."
I believe the main verse to focus on here is Romans 12:18 that says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Unfortunately we are not able to live at peace with everyone, and as this verse says, as far as it depends on you - meaning that it takes all parties. If the other party is not willing, pray for them, but don't be guilted into staying because you think it's un-Christian not to.
Am I hurt at my friends and my family? Yes. Do I love them? Yes. Do I miss them? Absolutely. Do I grieve over the loss? Every day. But I don't want to stay and continue to be hurt. I don't want to watch my mother or my son hurt any longer. So we are choosing to walk away, and that's okay. God richly fills our lives with love - look for it. You'll find it. In the morning when I rise, give me Jesus. That's all we need, but that's not all He gives us. He sends us people to love us and care for us so that we may pour ourselves and our love for Him right back in to them. God is good. God is big. Jeremiah 32:27 says, "I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" There is nothing too big for God to do, even reconcile a broken relationship. Just remember it takes all parties to be willing to let God work. He's even big enough to allow you to walk away and still love at the same time. Just ask Him. I love Him and I pray you know Him as your Savior. I've made it to the end with something very personal and this is long, but I felt Him leading me to share. I hope it helps if you find yourself in a relationship where you're hurting and don't know what to do. Thank you for reading and for listening. And don't be afraid to love deeply. It's what we're called to do. Even if you walk away, you can still love. Reach out, for He gives us each other to share everything under the Son.
I love you all,
Kacey
