During the last year in my battle with breast cancer, I asked God almost daily to send His Holy Spirit and speak to me, show me signs of His glory and presence, manifest Himself to me in ways where I would be blown away. He did it! A lot!! God snowed on my car...and only on my car for just a few seconds. He answered my prayer of no drain after surgery...then He went on to let me tell the nurses I wasn't going to have one only to have them smile, pat my arm, and say "okay, honey". The amazement in their eyes was wonderful when I woke up! He showed me a sky one morning that I cannot put into words. All I can say is that I have never seen a sky like that before, nor have I seen one like it again. These are just a few examples of the things God has shown me. He has shown me what I like to call "Godincidences" through my entire walk.
But this week I started wondering why I hadn't been experiencing these things lately. I asked God one morning about this and immediately was reminded "you have not because you ask not". Okay, God, I hear you! I really began to reflect on this, and it was true, I had stopped asking to hear and see and feel the presence of God as much as I had before. So I began praying again, asking God to let His Holy Spirit show me things. I was hungry and thirsty for the presence of God. I debated and prayed over whether or not to share this with you, but after almost a week, I feel that I must.
Last Saturday morning I was in the shower. Alan was gone and the boys were upstairs playing. Our shower door is frosted so you can't really see through it, but as I was standing under the hot water, enjoying my long, hot shower, I suddenly felt like someone was in the room. I turned and looked out the door and saw what appeared to be a person come through the room and go into our closet. It was white and I felt as though I even heard footsteps. Alan had worn a white shirt that day, and I was amazed that he had gone to the store so quickly; so I laughed, called out his name, and said as much to him about his timing. I got no answer. It's not unusual that he wouldn't hear me :) so I repeated myself. I got no answer. Then I began to wonder what had happened. I was so sure than I saw and heard someone that I just began calling his name. Nothing. Alan wasn't home yet. The boys were still upstairs playing. I believe with all my heart that an angel passed through the room that day! I saw the white through the door...I heard the footsteps. As I began to realize what God had done, I'll be honest and say that I was in disbelief. But then I realized that this is what I had been asking for all week. I had also been telling God that I was an open vessel...that I wanted to be used in such a way to share His work and His presence. He did it, and that is why I felt I must share it!! When I finally began to comprehend what had happened and truly, fully accept it, I felt a warmth and presence in that room with me that was so strong. It was almost as if I lost all sense of everything around me and was able to share just a moment alone with an angel. It was fast, but amazing, and the after effects have been very long-lasting! You have not because you ask not...that kept running through my mind. There is nothing that God can't do. He just wants us to be open and willing to receive whatever it is He wants to give us. And He wants to give us everything...after all, He gave up His only son for us!
So, there it is...I've shared, and I saw an angel! It was beautiful. It was white. It's presence was peaceful. It made me smile and laugh and drew me right to God. It was a magnificent experience, and one that gives me peace every day to know that God surrounds us with His angels to watch over us and protect us. He really does it...I saw it! God tells us to be careful....we might just be entertaining angels unaware!
I love you all,
Kacey
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Happy New Year
Hi to everyone! Wow, what a year it has been! I have been reflecting on the past year, and it has been a journey that I never could have imagined. I had no idea what I was in for. When I say that, I mean that I didn't know what I was in for physically, emotionally, and mostly, spiritually. My radiation treatments started last year on January 5th, and during that first visit to get my markings I had never felt so alone and scared. This was a feeling I wasn't expecting. I mean, I was so elated that I didn't need chemotherapy, that I didn't put much thought into radiation. I could not have been more wrong to have thought that. That was the beginning of 2012 for me, and yes, the year was a roller coaster with plenty of ups and downs, but what I would like to share most is what God did, and still does, for me. When I first heard that I had breast cancer, I was numb...for a while. My mom was diagnosed with it 12 years before, and that rocked my world. It was scary, but she carried herself through it with such dignity and grace that I didn't understand just what she faced...until now. She is now cancer free going on 13 years! Sometimes I think it was harder for me to hear that my mom had cancer than it was for me to hear that I had it. I mean, she's my mom...I felt helpless. That's how I felt when the doctor called me...helpless. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to start. I suddenly didn't know what my future held or if I even had a future. I didn't know that at that moment God was taking who I was and changing me into who I am...and I long and strive to be more of who He wants me to be. I've been a Christian since I was 10 years old, but never have I experienced God like I have in the last year. One of the things that I've learned most is that God is such a gentleman, waiting for us to invite Him into our lives. He won't barge in or push through the door and yell and scream...He waits quietly, patiently, eagerly with His love bursting forth for us to ask Him in. I'd like to share a little of my journey this past year with you, but what I hope you take away from it is all of God's grace and mercy and how He truly has blessed me and touched me in ways that cannot be explained sufficiently in words...but I will try in hopes you can get a glimpse of how great and Almighty our God is.
When I look back on last year I remember all the things that happened, and I would be lying if I said I haven't struggled and cried and been frustrated and scared, fearing what would come next. But what's so miraculous to me is that what I remember most is how God was there with me every step. He was there during radiation in the cold, dark, scary room. I wasn't alone. It was at this moment that He gave me my favorite verse in the Bible - Joshua 1:9 - that says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage, do not be afraid or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go". (NKJV) He didn't say that He wanted me to think about it, or that if I had time to remember, or that He might...He said, "I have COMMANDED you". That verse carried and continues to carry me through so much. I remember waiting 30 days to find out if I was a carrier of a specific gene that would alter my treatment and my future. That was a long 30 days! But during that time, I cried out to God and asked Him for a sign. Do you know what He did? I will never forget this as long as I live, but God made it snow on my car...just for me. It didn't snow anywhere else. I was sitting in the car alone when my husband went inside the post office and that's when I cried out to God. It began to snow and as I looked around it wasn't snowing anywhere else. They were the biggest, most magnificent snowflakes I have ever seen. That was God! I remember the times I fell on my knees alone in my room and asked for peace. I'm a wife and a mom, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a niece, a granddaughter, a cousin, a friend...I wanted to continue to be all of those things. During these moments I literally felt the arms of Jesus wrap around me and peace flood my body in a warmth that cannot be described unless you've felt it. When you need to feel it, ask Him - He's waiting. I remember not wanting to have a drain after surgery. For some reason this REALLY bothered me and I didn't want it. My nurse told me it was usually inevitable these days. I prayed for no drain after surgery - I didn't have a drain! I've never known how fun it is to tell someone that God was going to do something and them not believe it, and then be able to see their faces when it does happen. God is funny! He's made me laugh. He gives me joy and strength and peace. I remember the long, dark nights when sleep would not come. But God reminded me that morning's coming and that every fear surrenders to His light. I remember the sky one morning and how vibrant and radiant it was, as if God was showing me His light to make sure I knew He was still there. I would not be able to count the tears I've cried, but I guarantee each tear was met with a whisper from my Heavenly Father that He's still there.
As I embark on this new year, I pray blessings for each of you. If there's one thing I want to make sure I tell you, it's that God is wonderful! He's patient. He's kind. He's loving. He waited for me to bring Him my fears. He wiped away my tears. He made me see His beauty in the way the sun rises or sets; in the way a rainbow can be so vibrant; in the beautiful sound a bird makes when it's singing. I love the way He shows me His love in the faces of my children when they sleep or smile. He's shown me the love that can come from my family and friends and even strangers. One of the hardest things I've learned is to try and take one day at a time. If I look too far ahead, I miss what's right in front of me. God has spoken to me through His word, through song, and even through strangers that were put in my path to uplift me...and they didn't even know it. He has surrounded me with angels on just the right day, at just the right time. He's amazing! I asked God in the beginning to allow me to be a vessel because I want to be able to tell others about how awesome our God is, but I never anticipated getting to know God like this. I never realized just how much He loves me and you. I never imagined there could be such majesty in the face of cancer...but there is. There's majesty in the face of fear and illness and loss...in everything there is majesty because God is majestic! He's a bountiful God pouring out blessings that sometimes we probably miss. I am so thankful for the past year of my life. I am thankful that God is my Lord and Savior. I am thankful to have been on the mountaintop, yet just as thankful to have been in the valley. Looking down from the mountain we can see all things around us and from way up top it all looks beautiful. But I am thankful that in the valleys that I've been in this last year, on my knees is where I've been able to look up and find His love and strength and unfailing grace and mercy. It's His face that I seek. I've learned to ask Him to show me his majesty...and He does. He's shown me wondrous love through each of you, and I thank you for walking this journey with me this past year. I am honored to have had you each by my side. Happy New Year to you all. My love for you overflows.
Love,
Kacey
When I look back on last year I remember all the things that happened, and I would be lying if I said I haven't struggled and cried and been frustrated and scared, fearing what would come next. But what's so miraculous to me is that what I remember most is how God was there with me every step. He was there during radiation in the cold, dark, scary room. I wasn't alone. It was at this moment that He gave me my favorite verse in the Bible - Joshua 1:9 - that says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage, do not be afraid or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go". (NKJV) He didn't say that He wanted me to think about it, or that if I had time to remember, or that He might...He said, "I have COMMANDED you". That verse carried and continues to carry me through so much. I remember waiting 30 days to find out if I was a carrier of a specific gene that would alter my treatment and my future. That was a long 30 days! But during that time, I cried out to God and asked Him for a sign. Do you know what He did? I will never forget this as long as I live, but God made it snow on my car...just for me. It didn't snow anywhere else. I was sitting in the car alone when my husband went inside the post office and that's when I cried out to God. It began to snow and as I looked around it wasn't snowing anywhere else. They were the biggest, most magnificent snowflakes I have ever seen. That was God! I remember the times I fell on my knees alone in my room and asked for peace. I'm a wife and a mom, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a niece, a granddaughter, a cousin, a friend...I wanted to continue to be all of those things. During these moments I literally felt the arms of Jesus wrap around me and peace flood my body in a warmth that cannot be described unless you've felt it. When you need to feel it, ask Him - He's waiting. I remember not wanting to have a drain after surgery. For some reason this REALLY bothered me and I didn't want it. My nurse told me it was usually inevitable these days. I prayed for no drain after surgery - I didn't have a drain! I've never known how fun it is to tell someone that God was going to do something and them not believe it, and then be able to see their faces when it does happen. God is funny! He's made me laugh. He gives me joy and strength and peace. I remember the long, dark nights when sleep would not come. But God reminded me that morning's coming and that every fear surrenders to His light. I remember the sky one morning and how vibrant and radiant it was, as if God was showing me His light to make sure I knew He was still there. I would not be able to count the tears I've cried, but I guarantee each tear was met with a whisper from my Heavenly Father that He's still there.
As I embark on this new year, I pray blessings for each of you. If there's one thing I want to make sure I tell you, it's that God is wonderful! He's patient. He's kind. He's loving. He waited for me to bring Him my fears. He wiped away my tears. He made me see His beauty in the way the sun rises or sets; in the way a rainbow can be so vibrant; in the beautiful sound a bird makes when it's singing. I love the way He shows me His love in the faces of my children when they sleep or smile. He's shown me the love that can come from my family and friends and even strangers. One of the hardest things I've learned is to try and take one day at a time. If I look too far ahead, I miss what's right in front of me. God has spoken to me through His word, through song, and even through strangers that were put in my path to uplift me...and they didn't even know it. He has surrounded me with angels on just the right day, at just the right time. He's amazing! I asked God in the beginning to allow me to be a vessel because I want to be able to tell others about how awesome our God is, but I never anticipated getting to know God like this. I never realized just how much He loves me and you. I never imagined there could be such majesty in the face of cancer...but there is. There's majesty in the face of fear and illness and loss...in everything there is majesty because God is majestic! He's a bountiful God pouring out blessings that sometimes we probably miss. I am so thankful for the past year of my life. I am thankful that God is my Lord and Savior. I am thankful to have been on the mountaintop, yet just as thankful to have been in the valley. Looking down from the mountain we can see all things around us and from way up top it all looks beautiful. But I am thankful that in the valleys that I've been in this last year, on my knees is where I've been able to look up and find His love and strength and unfailing grace and mercy. It's His face that I seek. I've learned to ask Him to show me his majesty...and He does. He's shown me wondrous love through each of you, and I thank you for walking this journey with me this past year. I am honored to have had you each by my side. Happy New Year to you all. My love for you overflows.
Love,
Kacey
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