A Word for the Brokenhearted

Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Luke 6:31

Today is the fourth day I've tried to write. It's the fourth time I've tried to put into words what's on my heart. I'll admit that when God began speaking to me about writing on this subject I knew it would be hard. It's out of my comfort zone and something hard for me to put into words. I've asked myself why, and I believe it's because this subject is one we don't talk about much. I'm talking about loving one another. Oh, we'll say we love everybody. We'll say we're Christian so we have to love one another, right?  We'll put a smile on our faces and act as if all is right with the world and be dying inside because our hearts are broken and shattered in a million pieces. What do we do about it? How do we mend our hearts and move on? If we're Christians, shouldn't we love each other, constantly turning the other cheek, no matter the circumstance? And what if it's family or a true and trusted friend that's stopped caring and loving us, shouldn't we just keep on keeping on because that's what we're meant to do? I believe the answer is no, and I want to share with you why I think this. 

I keep coming back to write and seem to get stuck. I'm not sure if it's because I'm having such a hard time putting it into words, or because I so want to convey what the Lord has laid on my heart. I have people in my life that have left or hurt me in ways I never thought possible. I've sought God's help in trying to understand what I'm to do in situations where I've been commanded to love, but deep in my heart I'm so heart broken I can't find my way. So I've continued to ask God to show me, speak to me because I really believe that when He speaks to me this strongly it's meant for someone else out there that may be struggling. 

I think another reason this has been difficult for me is because it's hard to watch someone you love go through something painful when there's nothing you can do to fix it. But God can. Psalm 147:3 says, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds". So that's the first thing we need to realize. God is here to mend and heal our hearts. He's here to heal our wounds, no matter how deep. God also tells us in Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." I LOVE this verse. Peace just flows out of these words right to my heart. You need to know that we have a God who is close to the brokenhearted and the crushed. He must have known we would need these words in this life we live. I know I've needed them. Let me share with you two instances where I have not only needed these words, but I've needed to understand how I'm supposed to move on - do I stay or do I walk away.

The first instance is about bullying. One of our sons was bullied at school last year. It was hard to watch and harder to explain. It was a friend who turned on him. Proverbs 20:11 says, "Even a child is known by his deeds, whether what he does is pure and right." This child knew what he was doing. He was called out on it, asked about it, so he knew. Our son knew what was happening, too, but he didn't know why. The bullying was subtle and sneaky and quiet, yet the impact was huge. The impact was hard on all of us because our whole family lost a friendship over the actions of a child. Psalm 41:9 says, Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me." There's nothing harder than watching your child hurt, watching them lose their confidence, watching them let someone else have power over them. Well, we made it through the school year and we grieved the loss. Does it hurt less because we're angry? No. But we get through it and begin a new school year. The very first day this same child starts again with his words. My son comes home with a first day that's not what he anticipated. First. Day. I cannot begin to tell you how I felt - angry, frustrated, hurt, weary to name a few. My husband and I have taken steps to make sure this stops, but what I really want to focus on is what God says. How do we get our son through this and not let him suffer? This can be tricky because although he is a Christian, it's hard for him to understand that God may be using this to strengthen him. The Bible says in Psalms 73:26, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever". We have shared with him Matthew 5:39 where Jesus tells us to "turn the other cheek". However, we must understand here that He is telling us to not take our own revenge. God does that for us. "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord", says Romans 12:19. We must also look at the significance of when Jesus was slapped on the face by the guard of the High Priest. He did not turn His face so the guard could slap him again. Instead Jesus said in John 18:23, "If I said something wrong, testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?" This shows us that even Jesus defended himself with words and demanded an answer for the treatment He was given. We don't have to take it. We don't have to subject ourselves to the mistreatment of others. Stand up. Stand firm. Stand on God's word that says that confronting is okay. Let me interject here that we are to always continue to love in our hearts. Mark 12:31 says, "The second is this, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." So we are working on this with our son. We are showing him what God says, encouraging him to confront it so he feels powerful instead of powerless, but also encouraging him to walk away. We can love, but we do not have to participate in a hurtful relationship.

I have watched my mother deal with the same situation, except in her case it's with family. Does this make it harder to walk away from? Yes. Does it mean that because it's family we should stay and take the abuse? No. We don't have to be trapped in a relationship that's abusive. Sometimes I think we, as Christians, believe we are to feel guilty if we walk out on a family relationship no matter the treatment. We can forgive our abuser but the Bible does not tell us to continue in it. I have watched my mother grieve the loss of her mother and sisters for years. She kept returning to the relationship because of her deep longing for their love, acceptance and relationship. Much like my son, she does not understand why things are the way they are. She's asked herself a million questions and tried to figure out what she's done. What if there's nothing? She's been to them many, many times to reconcile and will eventually find herself in the same hurtful, heartbroken place. Psalm 27:10 says, "Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me." See, although our family members may leave us, God never does. Psalm 68:6 says, "God sets the lonely in families...". I can attest that He has set my mother in a family and she is lonely. She has no relationship with her mom or sisters. She is crushed in her spirit. But hear this. 2 Timothy 4:18 says, "The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory for ever and ever. Amen." Amen. God will rescue us. He keeps us safe. To give the details of this relationship is not what's important, for there are too many to tell. What's important here is that I have watched my mother suffer in the name of family, even when it's been unhealthy for her - for all of us. Psalm 129: 2 and 4 says, "They have greatly oppressed me from my youth, But the Lord is righteous; He has cut me free from the cords of the wicked." Wait a minute, now. Did I say wicked? You bet I did. My mother has been oppressed by her family for years. Is it not wicked for a mother to turn her back on her own daughter? Is it not wicked for a family member to keep on hurting over and over again? There are many verses in the Bible that speak of leaving bad situations. Proverbs 13:20 says, "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm."

Please know that I do not condone just haphazardly leaving family or friend relationships. But look at the heart of those you're trying to convince to love and like you. Do they love you? Do they treat you with respect? Have you done all that God has asked you to do to try and reconcile? If so, I think one of the verses that helps the most is Mark 6:11 that says, "And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave, as a testimony against them." Did you hear that? God wants us to live for Him. He wants us to experience full joyfulness. Don't let anyone stand in the way of that. Let's pray for these that hurt us. Let's love them. Let's always pray that God shifts their hearts enough for reconciliation. But 1 Corinthians 7:15 says, ",,,A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace."

I believe the main verse to focus on here is Romans 12:18 that says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Unfortunately we are not able to live at peace with everyone, and as this verse says, as far as it depends on you - meaning that it takes all parties. If the other party is not willing, pray for them, but don't be guilted into staying because you think it's un-Christian not to. 

Am I hurt at my friends and my family? Yes. Do I love them? Yes. Do I miss them? Absolutely. Do I grieve over the loss? Every day.  But I don't want to stay and continue to be hurt. I don't want to watch my mother or my son hurt any longer. So we are choosing to walk away, and that's okay. God richly fills our lives with love - look for it. You'll find it. In the morning when I rise, give me Jesus. That's all we need, but that's not all He gives us. He sends us people to love us and care for us so that we may pour ourselves and our love for Him right back in to them. God is good. God is big. Jeremiah 32:27 says, "I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" There is nothing too big for God to do, even reconcile a broken relationship. Just remember it takes all parties to be willing to let God work. He's even big enough to allow you to walk away and still love at the same time. Just ask Him. I love Him and I pray you know Him as your Savior. I've made it to the end with something very personal and this is long, but I felt Him leading me to share. I hope it helps if you find yourself in a relationship where you're hurting and don't know what to do. Thank you for reading and for listening. And don't be afraid to love deeply. It's what we're called to do. Even if you walk away, you can still love. Reach out, for He gives us each other to share everything under the Son.

I love you all,

Kacey

Altogether Beautiful

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.

Song of Solomon 4:7

Beauty, they say, is in the eye of the beholder. Who are "they"? Who gets to decide what the parameters are for beauty? Somewhere, somehow, someone came up with the definition of beauty and it stuck. I think we can all agree on the beauty of some things, like a beautiful sunset or sunrise, the beauty of nature, or the vast beauty of the ocean. But what happens when we try to agree on the beauty of us, of people? Society tells us that we are supposed to look a certain way, weigh a certain amount, dress a certain way in order to be beautiful. Our youth are plagued with wanting to be beautiful, but the parameters are near impossible to meet. I read a quote the other day by the philosopher and teacher, Confucius, that said, "Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it." While that may be true for us, we must know that God always sees beauty, our beauty.

I, myself, have struggled my whole life over beauty - how to reach it, how to hold on to it, how to be more like those that have it. But over the last five years, my mindset about this has changed. For those of you that don't know, I have had breast cancer. It's been an amazing journey, for God taught me so much. I think one of the biggest things I learned is about beauty, so that's why I have such a passion for what it really is. I certainly haven't reached the place I need to be on this issue. My struggles are still real. They are still hard, and I am constantly trying to be a better version of myself for the Lord. But I see young people and old people alike not liking themselves because of stigmas society has placed upon us. Let me explain.

This week alone I have had two separate stories told to me about young women who do not realize their beauty in the eyes of the Lord. One mom said that her daughter struggles with no self-esteem, that she equates her self-worth and beauty on something her first boyfriend told her. The other mom told me that her daughter struggles because she's shy and feels like she doesn't fit in. Oh my goodness, this just gets my heart pumping! So many thoughts go through my heart and my head so quickly that my mouth can't keep up with what I want to say. You see, when I had cancer, I had markings over my body to mark the radiation site. I had scars from when I had numerous surgeries. My skin was red from the burning of the radiation. I got shingles three times in one year because of the stress. I was so tired, and I looked tired. I was weary, and I looked weary. Every time I looked in the mirror, I didn't like what I saw. I didn't feel like myself, or look like myself, so I never felt beautiful. Ever. Not. Ever. I admit that at the time I didn't care so much because I was too busy fighting to realize what I was really thinking when I looked in the mirror. But you know what? I did care. I was paying attention. I was learning the truth that God was teaching me through this time of my life. It's just taken some time for it to sink in. 

The Bible tells us in Psalm 139:14, "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." This is one of my favorite verses in the Bible because I think it speaks so much about how God feels about us. I did some research and found that in the original Hebrew text of the Bible, the word fearfully means, "with great reverence, heart-felt interest and with respect." The word wonderfully means, "unique, set apart, marvelous." So God is saying with great reverence, heart-felt interest and respect, "I have set you apart and made you unique and marvelous." Wow! So for all of you, know that you are unique and wonderful and marvelous and set apart because God made you to be who you are. Genesis 1:27 tells us, "So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them." We are all created in the image of our Almighty Savior. 

This year while on vacation we ran across a painting in a restaurant that I fell in love with immediately. It says simply, "in the morning when I rise, give me Jesus." I asked the manager of the restaurant if she would be willing to sell it to us and she said yes. I was so happy! I came  home and placed it on the wall beside my bed so that when I woke up each day that's the first thing I see. It's a daily reminder to me that all I need is Jesus. Every morning when I rise, I need Jesus. I have His love and acceptance of me and that's all I need.

Isaiah 60:1 says, "Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you." We need to let our light shine. Our light is Jesus, and we are to shine it for all to see. We cannot shine our lights if we think we're ugly. We cannot shine our lights if we think we're not good enough. We cannot shine our lights if we think we don't measure up to the person next to us. No, God made us to be us. So to the mom who has the daughter that has no self-esteem, let's pray she can rise up and realize that her self-worth is in Jesus. To the mom of the daughter who feels like a misfit because she's shy, let's pray she can rise up and realize that her shyness could be God's way of making her compassionate, having and wanting a heart more like Jesus. Let's pray we all learn to rise up and let our lights shine for Jesus because underneath what we see in the mirror, and underneath what we think people see when they look at us, is a warrior. If we know Christ as our Savior, the Bible tells us nothing is impossible with God. We are created in the very image of a God that created the entire universe. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come; the old has gone, the new is here." Let us not look at ourselves and see fault. God sent His only son Jesus to die on a cross for us so that we may have eternal life. This is the greatest form of love there is. Let's rise up and be warriors for Christ, using how He made us the way He intended us to use it. No matter if we're shy or outgoing, tall or short, big or small, a talker or a great listener, He made us this way on purpose, for His purpose! Embrace it! Don't try to be someone you're not because you're supposed to be exactly who you are. Build on it. Ask God to help you see what He sees. Proverbs 3:15 says, "She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her." He loves us with an ever-lasting, unconditional love. So let's rise up together and accept each other and love each other and encourage each other to be who we have been created to be. Rise up and be a warrior in who God created you to be. You are altogether beautiful, my love. All the time.

I love you all,
Kacey

He's Alive

Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands, I commit my spirit." When He had said this, He breathed His last. 

Luke 23:46

Imagine with me, just for a moment, a place of pure beauty; a place where the light is brilliant, the colors magnificent. The great street of the city is pure gold, like transparent glass (Revelation 21:21). There will be robes of white and gates of pearl. There will be no more night, no more tears, no more worries, no more pain, no more suffering, no death or mourning. Instead, there will be praise - praise to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Praise to the one who came to earth to live and die on a cross to give us this eternal life in this wonderful place called Heaven. Doesn't it sound wonderful? And I know that we cannot truly fathom what Heaven is really like...we can only imagine. It will be more than we can comprehend. But what I've thought about so much this week, this Easter, is what it took for us to be given a place such as this to spend eternity. What did it cost? It cost us nothing. It cost Jesus everything. What sacrifices were made? We made none. Jesus gave it all.

See, Jesus was the only perfect man to walk this earth. He came to show us He was and is Christ, the Messiah, our Savior. He showed His love and His power to all, telling them what was to come. Oh, to be there then - what was it like? What was it like to watch Him feed thousands or make the blind to see? What was it like to see Him raise the dead? What was it like to touch the hem of His garment? To hear Him speak, to see Him perform these miracles, to watch Him give grace and show His love and speak of His death, burial and resurrection...what was it like? I wonder what they thought when He spoke of these things. He was perfect; unlike us, He was without sin, yet He was condemned to die. 

Luke 24:20 says, "The chief priests and our rulers handed Him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified Him." (NIV) Now before they crucified Him, the Bible tells us in Matthew 27:28-30, "And they stripped Him and put a scarlet robe on Him. When they had twisted a crown of thorns, they put it on His head, and a reed in His right hand. And they bowed the knee before Him and mocked Him, saying, 'Hail, King of the Jews'. Then they spat on Him, and took the reed and struck Him on the head." (NKJV) They spit on our Savior, our Jesus, the One who came to save us and offer us this place I spoke of earlier called Heaven. They beat Him and hurt Him as much as they could. Not only did they hurt Him physically, they mocked Him and laughed in His face. What strikes me so much in these verses is that it says, "And they bowed the knee before Him". The Bible tells us in Romans 14:11, "For it is written, 'As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me and every tongue shall confess to God." (NKJV) Yet here they are bowing before Him not to worship Him or confess to God, but to mock Him. After the beatings and the mocking and the humiliation they put Jesus through, they led Him to a place called Golgotha. It was there they drove the nails in His hands and feet and hung Him on the cross to suffer and bleed and die an excruciating death. Even as He hung on the cross, Matthew 27:37 says, "And they put up over His head the accusation written against Him: THIS IS JESUS, THE KING OF THE JEWS." (NKJV) They mocked Him even as He died. And you know what? He was dying for them, for you and for me. This perfect Lamb of God, hanging on a cross, dying, to take our sin for us so we wouldn't have to. What a sacrifice! We gave nothing. Jesus gave it all.

Jesus died that day on the cross. Oh, they watched and waited and shouted for Him to save Himself. Matthew 27:42 says, "He saved others; Himself He cannot save. If He is the King of Israel, let Him now come down from the cross, and we will believe Him." (NKJV) He could have saved Himself. If He had chosen, He could have come down from that cross. But He chose not to. He didn't even drink the gall that was offered to Him to lessen the pain. He took on the full pain and force of all of our sins upon Himself. He died to give us life. 

But this is not where Jesus stops. The story doesn't end here, with His death. Matthew 28 tells us the story. Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the tomb. But there was a great earthquake; for an angel of the Lord came from Heaven and rolled the stone away from the tomb! Yes, the stone was rolled away and Jesus was not inside. The angel's countenance was like lightning and his clothing was white as snow. The angel told the women to not be afraid and that Jesus was not there. Jesus is Risen, just like He told them! The angel told the women to go tell the disciples that He is risen from the dead, that He was in Galilee and that they could see Him there. Now, we weren't there when the stone was rolled away, but can you imagine it? If we really stop and think about the deep sadness we would be feeling for having just lost Jesus, only to realize that He's risen, we get a glimpse of the emotion running through their hearts. The Bible says they had fear and great joy. But Jesus told them not to be afraid. They came and worshiped Him and He ascended into Heaven. He told them that day, and it is written for us today, "lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age". Matthew 28:20 (NKJV) 

So this story is what's been pondering in my heart all week, especially today, Good Friday - the story that Jesus died on a cross that should have been mine. But He came with a purpose, to die for us and take on all our sin and then Rise up and defeat death. I do a lot of worshiping through song, and today I was going through some music and wanted to specifically hear the song, Arise, My Love. My favorite part of this song is when it says, "Then the Father looked down to His Son and He said, Arise my Love, Arise my Love, the grave no longer has its hold on You". Can you picture it with me? I can see God, the Father, looking down upon His Son, dead in a grave after so much suffering, reaching out His arms saying "Arise, my Love". Wow! That gives me chills. The Son went home to Heaven to be with the Father. I don't know if this happened, but when God, the Father says "Arise, my Love", I can picture Jesus falling into the arms of God. After having suffered and died and completing the task laid out before Him on this earth, it was over. He conquered death and the grave!

Today, I also listened to the song, He's Alive. I love a song that tells a great story, and this one does just that. It tells the resurrection story of Jesus from Peter's point of view. My favorite part of the song is when Peter is feeling ashamed and broken, and suddenly there is a sweet and strange perfume, and a light that comes from everywhere. As Peter looks up, Jesus is standing before him with His arms open wide. Peter fell to his knees, clung to Him and cried. Oh to have been there...to have been Peter. To feel such anguish and sorrow over His death, such shame for denying Him, then suddenly Jesus is standing before Him reaching out for Him, drawing him near. The song goes on to say that Jesus raises Peter up and the love from Jesus is shining through His eyes. The guilt Peter felt suddenly melted into peace. He was alive!! The grave could not hold the King!

To have been there, to actually see Jesus raised from the dead, I can only imagine. Just the thought makes my heart sing and makes me want to shout! Jesus died for us... horrifically, painfully died, but it didn't end with His death. He arose from the grave and is in Heaven preparing a place for us forever, for eternity. 

There is no one that could love us this much. What Jesus did for us is more than anyone will ever do. The Bible tells us He knew us before we were born, but when we get to Heaven, we will fall at His feet and worship Him. He will welcome us by name when we get to Heaven because He died specifically for each of us. We'll get to see Him and thank Him and praise Him for His sacrifice. The soldiers that bowed a knee and mocked Him, they bowed again, but not to mock, but to call Him Lord of Lords and King of Kings. Hallelujah! 

Will you spend eternity in this wonderful place called Heaven, with a Savior who went to these great lengths to make sure you could? Do you know Jesus as your Savior and Lord? Have you asked Him to forgive your sins? Have you thanked Him for His sacrifice? If not, do it today. Ask Him so that you can have the assurance of an eternity in Heaven.  

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, to save a wretch like me. He saved me. I adore Him and I love Him more than I can put into words. His sacrifice for me makes me so humble and grateful. I want to tell the world of His love. 

So, arise, my love, and worship Him. I thank Him, today, for what He did for me and for you. Everything He did for us was, and is, all we'll ever need. He is with us today, just as He was with the people when He walked this earth. He's my everything, and today I celebrate His ultimate gift. He's given us everything under the Son!

"But God raised Him from the dead, freeing Him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on Him." Acts 2:24

Happy Easter!

I love you all,

Kacey

Moving Mountains

"But the falling mountain crumbles away, and the rock moves from its place."

Job 14:18

We all face mountains...things in our path that seem insurmountable and impossible to conquer. We all want directions on how to get around this mountain - either how to climb it, or if we're honest, how to just avoid it and go around and miss it altogether. Never do we really want to climb it because from the bottom looking up it seems too big, too immovable, too steep, too hard. So what do we do? And how do we answer others, especially our kids, when they ask us for directions on how to move a mountain? The Lord spoke to me this week about this and I'd like to share.

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First, I would like to tell you that both of my boys have severe food allergies. They consist of nuts, eggs, shellfish, and milk. My youngest son, Jonah, is the one allergic to milk, and for us, it's by far the hardest to manage. On top of the food allergies, he has been diagnosed with Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome, or CVS. About a year ago, Jonah started vomiting for no apparent reason. The vomiting is very intense, violent, fall in the floor, us begging him to breathe kind of vomiting. We had never seen anything like this. After ruling out a virus, or flu, we thought he might be allergic to something new, but he wasn't. Just when we thought of going further with testing, it disappeared. No more vomiting. He was fine. The second or third time this so called virus appeared and then magically went away, we began to dig deeper - asking questions, doing research, and having our doctor help us determine what this was. After ruling out other things, it was determined that Jonah has CVS, which is a cyclical syndrome that comes and goes. Fast forward to about a month ago, and Jonah began complaining about bad headaches and severe abdominal pain, which we now know are called abdominal migraines. This last cycle has lasted for a month. It's hard on Jonah. He misses school, his food allergies become more sensitive, his head and stomach hurt. I think the worst part for him is that it comes on so suddenly, with barely enough time to make it to the bathroom, and the fact that it is so hard and violent for him. So we pray. We pray that the cycle ends quickly. We pray that there are no headaches and stomach pain. We pray he's able to go to school. We pray that the Lord removes the food allergies from both boys. But here's the thing I was so concerned about last week when it seemed so bad - I was worried that Jonah was discouraged with God because the cycle was still continuing. So I asked him. His sweet, precious, 10-year-old little heart said, "Well, no, mom, I'm not discouraged. We just need to keep praying!" Wow! He said it like he could not believe I had even asked the question. The Bible says in Matthew 18:3-4, "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4) Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." (NIV) Jonah was showing me he had faith. He believes his prayers are being heard, and he showed me how patiently he is waiting. 

Then this is what God did next. I stumbled across a story about a church in the Smoky Mountains that had just built a new building. They were a very excited congregation. Ten days before the dedication of the new building, an inspector came by and told the Pastor they would not be able to open as scheduled because they did not have adequate parking for the size of their church building. The Pastor explained that it took every inch of their land and they had no room left to expand the parking lot because there were other buildings on each side and a mountain in the back. The inspector said he was sorry, but they would not be allowed to hold their dedication service or open their new building. The Pastor decided to hold a prayer meeting, a mountain moving prayer time. About 30 members of the 300 member congregation met and they prayed for three hours. The Pastor was so moved and told the members to plan on showing up for the dedication service as planned, that God had not brought them that far to just quit. He told them to have faith. So the next week as the Pastor was in his office, someone knocked on his door. He opened it to a construction worker who explained that they were working over in the town next to them and needed some fill-dirt. He said they needed it right then and asked if they could remove dirt from the mountain that sat behind the church. He told the Pastor that in exchange for the dirt, his company would pave and concrete the area free of charge! The Pastor agreed, smiled, and the dedication service was held on the original Sunday. He told his members that God moved the mountain! He said the moral of this whole situation was that faith was not the absence of doubt, but the presence of belief! 

This has moved me in a mighty way. Jesus tells us in Mark 11:23, "Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them." (NIV) This church believed and God moved a mountain! I could not wait to share this story with Jonah. I told him just how much he had taught me with his faith and that I believed God showed us this story for a reason. Matthew 17:20 says, "Because you have so little faith, Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." See, a mustard seed is tiny, smaller than all other seeds. God isn't asking us to have an enormous sized faith. He picked the smallest seed of all and told us that if we had the smallest size faith in our heart, we could have the biggest outcomes. I explained to Jonah that God's ways are higher than our ways, and that He ultimately has the perfect plan for us. God's plan might be for Jonah to use his allergies and CVS to help others and give glory to God. But God's plan might be to remove these allergies and this CVS from his body. We don't know the plan, but we have learned this week through what God has shown us, that we don't have to know the plan. We just have to trust, to have faith, and to believe. Psalm 121:1-2 says, "I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from? 2) My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth." (NIV)

Our help is in God alone. Our help comes from Him. Our faith is in Him alone, even if it's just a tiny amount. But God is so good and so big, that He doesn't ask the impossible from us, He does the impossible for us! Hallelujah! 

So my family has fully committed to praying for the boys, that the allergies will be completely removed from their bodies, and that Jonah will never have another CVS cycle again. We give God glory already for what He's done - for allowing us to understand what CVS is, what the allergies are and how to deal with them. We praise Him for allowing us the faith to pray for a miracle. And we give Him glory and praise for whatever the outcome! I praise Him for showing me a deeper side to the heart of my son, the faith he possesses as a little child in his prayers to a very big God. I thank God that He can move mountains...literally! 

I love Him and all He is and all He means to me. I pray you know Him, too. I pray you accept Him as your Savior so you can watch Him move the mountains in your life, whatever they may be. It only takes faith the size of a mustard seed. 

I'll update you and talk to you all soon. But for now, we'll just keep on talkin' about everything Under the Son. :)

"Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the whole world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God." Psalm 90:2

I love you all,

Kacey

Laugh without Fear

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25

Laughter. Some say it's the best medicine. Others say it can add years to your life. Who doesn't love that deep, tear streaming, hand slapping, can't catch my breath laughter that can sometimes overtake us?  We all have those moments, but they seem few. They don't happen enough. Why is that? What makes this kind of pure joy and laughter so hard to grasp? I've spent much time thinking about that this week. 

I had a doctor's appointment this week for my six-month mammogram. In case you don't know, I was diagnosed with breast cancer 4 years ago. The Lord brought me through and healed me, and I will forever Praise Him for not only healing me, but for the whole journey. I go every six months for a check up, and this week as I waited I thought a lot about this Proverbs 31:25 verse. My checkup was great - everything looks good. Whew! That word right there - whew - that wipe my forehead because thank goodness another six months is behind me is what I've spent time thinking about.  Because what does that say about me? What did it boil down to that I had in my spirit? Fear. Yes, that conclusion struck me as a contradiction to what I believe God is trying to teach me. 

The Bible says in 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind". Fear does not come from God. There are many, many verses that tell us this. Where does it come from? The enemy. Satan. Satan loves nothing more than for us to be distracted by our fears so that we lose our sight on God. Some would say how can we be full of laughter in today's times? I mean, really, we are living in a world where it's hard for people to decide what bathroom to use when God clearly chose this for us. We have a presidential candidate running for office that, from all evidence provided thus far, is responsible for the deaths of American citizens. We are living in a world where families are disintegrating before our eyes. Mothers against daughters and sons, sisters against sisters, brothers against brothers, husbands and wives against each other. And why? And more importantly, how can we laugh during times like these...laugh without fear of the consequences these types of behaviors are surely to bring? 

Well, the short answer is because God says so. Psalm 126:2-3 says, "Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing. Then they said among the nations, The Lord has done great things for them. The Lord has done great things for us, and we are glad". Now, don't get me wrong, I don't have this whole fear thing down. I worry when I'm not supposed to. I have anxiety about our country. I miss family members that choose not to be in my life. I grieve these things.  Every. Single. Day. BUT...GOD! God says He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy (Job 8:21). 

Let me explain to you the vision I have of the woman described in Proverbs 31:25. I see a woman who has a quiet strength about her. She may not look physically strong, or come across as loud and boisterous so you can hear that she's strong, but she's clothed, or dressed, or covered in a quiet strength; a strength that's found deep within her that might be hard to read and understand because it goes far beneath the surface of who she is outwardly. She maintains control and holds her head up high because she not only knows who she is, but whose she is. I see her as being a gentle spirit, but with a spirit of boldness when necessary; not being loud and boisterous, but bold and loving and kind. I see a woman who stands tall, not in arrogance but because her faith in her Savior is so embedded within her that she can carry on through this life and laugh without fear of what's to come. She knows God's plan is best for her, so she quietly puts on her armor and walks toward her future without fear.

This is the kind of woman I want to be. Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still and know that I AM GOD". Now this doesn't mean to pull the cover over your head and give up in order to be still. It means carry on with life, but be still in your spirit because God is in control. Know it. Believe it. Feel it. Accept it. He is God and He's got this. Cast all your worries and cares on Him and laugh! Don't let the enemy hold you back or keep you from being who you are supposed to be. 

So I am trying to make a conscious effort every day to choose joy..to choose laughter...to choose peace...to be kind and gentle and patient and loving and faithful and have self-control. I want the Holy Spirit to dwell in me so deeply and so strongly that I have no choice but to be full of laughter. So, no matter what's going on around you, how dark it seems, how ugly or inadequate you feel, remember you are an heir to the kingdom of God...so straighten up that crown, put some laughter in your heart and on your lips and walk on! Walk toward the destiny that God has planned for your life and laugh!!

Enough

Hello to everyone! It's been a long time since I've talked to you. I'd like to explain this road I've been on lately. It's been rough and what I thought was a sinking, desperate hole that seemed impossible to climb out of, I've begun to see that it's not really been that way at all.
During the last three years, what started out being a cancer diagnosis became one thing after another. One thing caused another thing, which caused another twist in the journey, and before I knew it I was sitting in a place where I did not recognize where I was, much less who I was.  I've been in a place where it seemed God was far away, where I called out and asked "where are you?". I know God never moves, so I knew He was still there; so that only made it worse for me at that time because that could only mean one thing - I was the one that had moved...and I didn't want to move. I didn't want to feel so alone. I didn't want to feel like I didn't fit in. I didn't want to wonder who I was. But I felt all of those things. I got to the point where I would look in the mirror and think "who am I?". I couldn't come to grips with my life and what I was supposed to do now. I had stopped writing, stopped seeing my friends, stopped searching and looking for God in all the ways I had seen Him before.  Basically, I crashed.  I ran out of steam and the last three years came tumbling in on me. You see, I've spent the last three years going through surgeries, going through treatments, going through medicine changes, and just when I thought I was finished with one thing there came another.  All this time of just trying to get through, I lost myself, lost my smile, lost my way.  I would look in the mirror and only see negative things...weight gain, no smile, no laughter, distractions of all kinds. But the enemy has a way of getting to us when we're down.  He comes in ever so slightly, whispering untruths in our ears. I was down and was believing those whispers I heard. I didn't like myself, didn't like what I saw, but what happened next is God in His truest, most loving, gentle way. It's what makes me wonder how people get through without the Lord - cause when you're down in a place that you feel you can't get out of, He is our lifeline!  God is our refuge and our strength and for me, His voice rang louder than any other.
I never stopped talking to God, but I must say I was weak and weary.  Most of my alone time was spent in quiet, searching for what I needed to do and worrying about feeling so alone in a life where I am surrounded by the best family, loving me and supporting me and trying to figure out how to help me.  Then one day I just flat out started saying, "Lord Jesus, I miss you!  I miss seeing You in everything I do.  I miss hearing Your Voice and seeing Your Hand in my everyday life!  I miss being used by You.  I want it back, that "up on the mountaintop feeling". He began to show me.  He began to answer me and open my eyes.
One day I was reading and came across a quote by a woman named Lysa TerKeurst that said, "There is something wonderfully sacred that happens when a girl chooses to look past being set aside to see God's call for her to be set apart." That's when God began to move on my heart.  I began to really think about what that means.  The Bible tells me I am wonderfully made. In this world we live in today, I'm not going to fit into it.  I don't adhere or condone many of the world's views of what's right and what's wrong.  Being set aside means to separate, to discard or to reject, or to declare invalid (The Free Dictionary).  God showed me that's not who I am to Him.  I am not rejected or invalid to Him.  He does not ever set me aside and disregard me.  I am set apart because I am a child of The King, an Heir to the Kingdom, a Princess, a wonderfully, beautifully made child of Almighty God!  I have been set apart from the world to do the work of Christ, to show the world what He means to me, what He's done for me.  I am set apart because God says in Jeremiah 1:5, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart...".  I began to feel comfortable in who I had become.  Yes, I look a little different, well, to me a lot different but I'm working on it.  My journey with cancer has been hard and trying and tiring and rough; but it's also been very blessed and amazing.  I have gained weight, which I have struggled with greatly.  I now have scars that I didn't have before.  But I also look different to myself because I am different.  I'm set apart to do something, not for myself, but for God. When I figured this out, I went to the mirror and looked at myself and said, "who are you now"? You know what I heard God say in that moment?  He said, "You are enough". That's what I heard in my spirit.  He said you're enough for me, I made you, I created you, and in my eyes you are perfect because you are enough. Wow!  I'd been missing it.  I was so busy concentrating on what I was supposed to be seeing and doing and all along He was giving me grace and rest and time to heal all my wounds, inside and out.  I thought I had grown distant and quiet, but He tells us, "Come to me, all you who are weary and I will give you rest." I had done just that.  I was weary and it wasn't time for me to get moving and doing, it was time for me to rest.  "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9
Since the time I was 7 years old, I have been worshipping the Lord through music.  The Lord speaks to me so much through music.  I was listening today to some songs and one that really stood out to me was by the McKameys called "The Shepherd's Point of View". In the song it talks about standing on the mountaintop and seeing the valley you've just walked through, only seeing it from the Shepherd's point of view.  This spoke to me so vividly. My favorite part of the song is where it says: "He reminds you of that moment, when you could not make it through; Now you see one set of footprints where He reached down and carried you; As your tears fall on His shoulder, and you thank Him for His love; He says "Child, I knew that one day, you'd see this valley from above". I wept...tears flowing, shoulders shaking, cannot speak kind of weeping.  I realized in that moment that all the tears I've cried, not just over the last three years, but the ones over the last 6 months have been the hardest.  What I didn't realize until today is that those tears have been falling on His shoulder because He's had me right in His arms this whole time.
Oh, how I thank Him.  Oh, how I love Him.  The little things He's allowed me to see, the things He's allowed me to feel during this time have been little whispers from Him to let me know to just let it go - let it out and free myself of it all...the worry, the fear, the unsettledness, the pain, the hurt, the not being able to put into words what I'm feeling until now, the grief over those who haven't understood me or where I am...I let it all fall through my tears and where did it land?  On Him.  On His shoulders for Him to carry for me.  He carries our burdens and He held me while I gave it to Him.  I didn't even know I was giving it up. No, He never left me.  He never gave up.  Instead, He loved me through it, gave me grace, loved me with a love that's indescribable, and is now putting me back down on my feet. I'll admit that my legs are a little shaky, and when I look at myself in the mirror it's hard not to see the weight and the scars. I stopped long ago taking pictures of myself, but He says that's enough.  So you might start seeing pictures of my family with me actually in them, because God used my sister this week to let me know that what my family and loved ones see when they look at me is this: a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister and friend...a healthy, happy, cancer-free Jesus girl with a story to keep on telling. You have one, too.  Don't give up if you're in a valley, you'll be back up soon and the view will be amazing.  It may take longer than you'd like, but it will be worth the wait. Always know there's hope in Jesus, no matter your circumstance. Remind yourself you are loved and adored.  Jesus came to this earth to die for you and for me.  He made you and you are beautiful.  I will continue to remind myself that I am beautiful to Him. My body has been through a lot and one day I'll get it back on track, but for now, I'm enough.

I love you all,
Kacey

Learning to Trust Day by Day

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God. (Psalm 25:1-2 NKJV)


There seems to be a lot going on and a lot to tell.  First things first.  My doctors felt that my seizure medication needed to be changed for numerous reasons.  They felt it interacted with my cancer medication causing me to take a double dose.  They also felt it would interfere with my bones later on down the road.  So, it seemed the best thing to do would be to change seizure medications.  It's not as easy as it sounds because this is something that has to be done very slowly to keep a seizure from happening.  But we changed it and all went well - or so we thought.  I was able to cut the cancer medication in half, which was good, and no seizures happened.  But I started having extreme back  pain to the point of not being able to walk very well, or bend, and there is constant pain and it was becoming very worrisome.  For someone who's had cancer, I try not to let "tumor" be my first line of thought when something comes along, but it is oftentimes hard not to when it's something "unexplainable".  I had an MRI done this last week and it showed that everything was normal, which is a huge praise, and there was no sign of any cancer or tumor.  That is the good news.  The bad news is that the new seizure medication is causing the back pain.  From what we've been able to understand, it's a rare side effect that's causing this pain, and I'm going to have to come off of this drug.  What is it with me and rare side effects?  The Lord obviously has other plans!  So the doctor recommended another drug and I'm going to try and describe to you what it felt like to me to think about taking it.  The doctor told me about it, listed the side effects (which were numerous and scary) and then Alan and I researched it ourselves.  The Bible tells us in Galatians 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (NKJV)  In verse 5 it says, "But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope." (NKJV)  I interject these verses here to explain that the Holy Spirit was literally screaming at me telling me that this next new drug was not for me.  Everything we read, everything we found, everywhere we turned, I could not find the peace that I was searching for and we always need to go where the peace is because that's where we're always going to find where God is.  So I prayed.  My family prayed.  Alan and I reached the conclusion that we believed God just wanted me back on the old medication because it works, the things the doctors were worried about had not happened yet and well, quite frankly, I serve a very big God and those things may never come to pass, and there was my peace.  So against what I knew the doctor would think, I called the next day and told him these reasons.  I am now transitioning back to the old seizure medication, and I ask that you keep me in your prayers as I do this; that there will be no seizures and that the back pain will go away.


The next big thing that happened this week is that it was time for my six month mammogram check up.  I just went in November and everything looked great, so to be perfectly honest, I did not put a lot of thought into this visit.  My mother went with me and we visited and chatted with the ladies in the office, and even when Amy came and said she needed more pictures I still didn't think much of it.  She then came in and said I needed to have an ultrasound done.  Now, at this point I'm still not too worried because there is a spot on my right breast that they've been watching since I had breast cancer in my left breast 2 1/2 years ago, and they sometimes do an ultrasound to make sure there's no change.  The girl did the ultrasound and said, "the radiologist will be in to talk to you in just a minute."  My mother was in there with me and she had breast cancer 14 years ago and I know at that moment she knew exactly how I felt.  If you've ever been there you know.  My heart dropped.  Time stood still.  Why did the radiologist need to come in there?  Why did she need to talk to me?  That was never good news.  It is in those precious few moments when the tech leaves the room before the radiologist actually enters that feels as if the entire earth is going to open and swallow you up whole - and for just a moment you kind of wish it might.  You can hear your own heartbeat in your ears, the thumping so loud you wonder if you're having some sort of a heart attack on top of everything else.  The room is spinning and your mind is totally and completely out of control, going in hundreds of different directions at one time.  The only thing I could think to myself is Lord, not again, please, not again.  The radiologist finally made her way into the room and said everything looked fine to her, but she wanted to do an ultrasound on her own.  During the course of the next hour, (yes, hour) she did an ultrasound and proceeded to tell me all about lobular cancer, which is the kind I had, and honestly a bunch of stuff I really didn't want or need to hear.  She finally got to a bottom line of saying she may want me to have this spot biopsied.  I see my doctor on Tuesday and will wait and see what she says about this.  Please pray with me as I listen for direction.  This spot has been being watched very closely all along and the MRI in November showed no change.  My doctors are watching me closely and I am praying for them as well.  I will do whatever the Lord wants me to do, but I want to make sure that it is HIM that wants me to do it. 


I am not worried - I was.  I was overwhelmed.  I was scared and felt like the load was too heavy, but then I realized, yet again, that I had taken my eyes off of my Jesus, the Savior, the One who healed me before, who walks with me through each valley and then stands with me on the mountaintop and shows me where we've been.  So I've adjusted my lenses once again and put the cross in view.  I have such a passion and love for the Holy Spirit.  I believe that if we are born again believers we are given the gift of the Holy Spirit and are filled with such an incredible anointing to be able to lead a life full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control that we cannot lead on our own.  It is the Holy Spirit that wraps me in love and holds my hand as I face another trial; speaks peace to me in my time of worry; gives joy in time of trouble; has patience when it seems I can't go on; shows kindness when I've reached the end of my road; sees goodness when the news I hear might not be what I want to hear; has faithfulness when I need to believe anyway; gives gentleness when the storms rage within; and reel in a little self-control when the screams want to come.  The Lord blesses us with His Spirit in such a way that we need only to call upon His name and He is there.  What a blessing we have in Him.  Thank you, Jesus, is never enough to say, but all He ever wants - our praise. 


So pray for me and my family as I go to the doctor next week and see what lies ahead.  Pray for direction and wisdom and what needs to be done next, about the medication as well as a possible biopsy.  I have peace about it and my family is so grateful that we have your prayers.  Thank you.


My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him; He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1-2 (NKJV)


I love you all,
Kacey