One year ago today, I went in for my last week of radiation treatments. My skin was burned and we found out that the "rash" on top of the radiation site was actually shingles. Yes, I had shingles on top of my burned skin. It was miserable. The upside? I didn't have to have any more treatments! At times, it seems like yesterday that I was going everyday for treatment. Other times, it feels like forever. But a couple of things have happened this week that I'd like to share. I've been humbled, again, of God's power, His graciousness and His beauty.
I am now on my third medication to keep cancer from returning. I will be on this medicine for the next five years. I was not able to take the other two because of serious side effects. So, to be able to take this medicine is a praise. But, for me, it goes further than that. I've been at a point where I didn't have the energy to sit up. I've been where I had trouble just walking. I've had blood clots. To be a wife and a mom of two boys, there have been many silent tears shed because I just couldn't keep up. But about a month ago I joined a gym for women. I feel comfortable there and I need to be in shape, not only because I want to, but because I want to be healthy and do everything I can to help myself and keep this cancer beaten forever! The gym is set up in a way that keeps track of your progress. Monday was my best day ever. I can keep up, and I can do it! I got in my car to come home and burst into tears. I wasn't going to share this because I know it sounds silly, but I know now that what's important to us is important to God. I was humbled to think back to this time last year and compare it to now. Last year, I was in the midst of a painful, tiring day to day existence. Today, I'm living and keeping up and running and playing and doing all the things I felt like I would never do again. I say all of this to you because God reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11. He tells us in His word that He knows the plans He has for us, plans of peace and not evil, to give us a future and a HOPE! He goes on to say in Jeremiah 29:12 "Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you". That's what struck me so much...I did call to Him. I asked Him for something that I thought sounded silly, to be able to workout and feel better about myself. It's really hard during your walk through cancer to ever feel beautiful. You don't feel good, your body has changed, and so you don't feel pretty. But God sees us differently than we see ourselves. He gives us that hope, and He listens, even when we are asking for something small. And when we get to a certain point of that road we're walking, whether it be cancer or some other kind of illness or battle, He will let us see ourselves as He does, wonderfully and beautifully made! All we have to do is ask Him and He's there to show us.
One last thing that happened this week is something God showed me in the sky. If you know me or have read any of my other blogs, you know how much I treasure the comfort we can find under the wings of God. There have been two cases in the last two weeks where the sky has been incredible. This week, late in the afternoon one day, I was on my way home and the blue sky had one major cloud. It was a cloud that had what looked like feathers, sweeping across the sky. One of my favorite verses came to mind and that's Psalm 91:1. The heading above this chapter in my Bible reads, "Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God"; and the verse says "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty". This verse makes me think of God's wings, and what I saw in the sky made me feel so safe and secure, almost as if God had spread His wings over us in full view of His magnificent sky to let us know He's got us covered...He's there.
Thank you for reading this - I know it's long. But if you're going through something right now that has you feeling ugly or anxious, please remember that you are covered by the love and wings of God, and you are beautiful...inside and out! Some say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder...how much greater is it when beauty is in the eye of the creator!
I love you,
Kacey
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