Peace of the River

Okay...these last two weeks have been hard.  Trying to wrap my head around this next surgery along with the fact that both of my boys have been sick, then getting the flu myself, and on and on, has been a breeding ground for the enemy to get me down.  Yes, the enemy tried to bring me way down, and I will admit that I have struggled.  I have shed many tears and felt tormented in my thoughts and fears, and wrestled with myself trying to find my Savior.  Sometimes when I'm so weary and tired, it's hard for me to be what I need to be in the Lord.  I sometimes retreat, not knowing what to pray, but you need to know as you read the rest of this, the enemy did not succeed.  God has been right here with me these last two weeks, just as He's been all the other times of my life.  I know in the past I've talked about being down in the valley and how beautiful it can be; but, for the last two weeks I feel as if I've been in the desert.  When I think of the desert I think of being thirsty and hot and alone, with no direction of where to go or how to get out.  I will admit to you that this next surgery has been hard to swallow.  For those of you that don't know, I had a hysterectomy in October of last year, and two weeks ago I found out part of an ovary has been left.  Because it's producing high levels of estrogen in my body and my cancer was estrogen positive, the ovary has to come out...thus another surgery...another bout with anesthesia...another four to six week recovery time...another disruption to my family.  I know, this sounds like a pity party and to be honest, that's what I've been doing...having a big, grand pity party in a big, grand pit of "woe is me", flat out in the middle of a desert.

Or so I thought.  God showed me today in Isaiah 43:19 "Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it?  I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert!"  (NKJV)  What is so significant about this for me is that last week my family went to Gatlinburg for Spring Break.  My parents took us all to a place we had never seen called The Chimneys.  This place was the most magnificent place I've ever seen.  It's up a mountain and just a little off the beaten path.  It's a little place that you can drive through, or there's picnic tables for you to spend some time there.  This particular day was cold and snowing, but we all got there and parked.  As I opened the door of the car, all I could hear was the rushing of the river.  It was loud, but peaceful at the same time.  The sound was almost deafening, but if you stood still for only a moment and closed your eyes, the air smelled and felt differently.  On one side was the mountain and it was covered in snow - beautiful, white, untouched snow covering the gorgeous mountain that God created.  The trees were tall and still leafless, looming over this area like a shield.  On the other side was the river.  It flowed down the mountain and over the rocks in an immovable, unrelenting force.  Yet, what I found so incredible was if you walked to the river and stood on the rocks, the force didn't seem that strong.  The water appeared gentle and tender and patient.  That particular day, I understood the beauty I was seeing, but I didn't see and hear what the Lord has shown me today, which is this:  That little area of God created space is beautiful...one of the most beautiful places I've seen...and the river, though it seemed gentle and meek and tender, in reality it was mighty and powerful and commanding.  This is who God is to me.  He's gentle when I need uplifting.  He's tender when he wipes away my tears.  He's patient as He waits on me to come back to Him, under His wings, and be still.  2 Chronicles 16:9 says "For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him." (NKJV)  This verse was in my devotion today talking about how God meets us in the stillness of our souls.  He's looking for us and when we look for Him, the end result is joy.  That's what I finally have found after these last two weeks of what I saw as another roadblock.  I found joy in my Father because He was looking for me, too.  He made rivers flow in the desert, and then took me to the river to show me that there's beauty there, too.  There's joy because yes, God is gentle and tender and patient, and He waited on me and for that I am grateful.  But when He showed me the might and power and command of the river, He showed me that He's mighty enough to handle another surgery.  He's powerful enough to take care of me and do what doctors say can't be done; and He's commanding enough to stop the fears and the trembles.  Mark 4:39 says, "Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Peace be still!" and the wind ceased and there was a great calm." (NKJV)  That's what He's done for me.  I am calm.  I am in good hands, and I am ready for the next part of this journey.  Thank you for continuing to walk it with me.  God is here and already knows His plan.  I am thankful to Him for showing me the river.  All is well, all is well with my soul.

I love you all,
Kacey