Facing our Fears

For the Joy of the Lord is 

your strength.

Nehemiah 8:10

I've been struggling for weeks knowing the Lord wanted me to write, but not knowing what it was He wanted me to write about. I kept asking Him to give me something - a story, a joke, anything - until it dawned on me that I have a story. It's Jesus. Jesus is my story everyday, I just may not hear or see Him the way I'm supposed to. But always know this...if I don't hear or see Him, it's because of me, not Him. He never moves, never leaves, never forsakes us.

I was sitting in the doctor's office a couple of weeks ago awaiting my yearly mammogram. For those of you that don't know, I have had breast cancer and just recently came off all medication treatment and was officially labeled as a breast cancer survivor, rather than a patient with breast cancer. That was a wonderful day! At first I went every three months, then every six, now every year. As time wore on, it got easier to become complacent. Now don't misunderstand me, it's always nerve-wracking, the what-ifs always in the back of my mind. But, the more I heard, "everything looks great", the easier it was to become comfortable and, well, complacent. This last time, though, I was in the waiting area with my mom, thinking about where we would go for lunch afterwards, when the nurse came through and very casually said, "I think we're going to have to ultrasound you today", and kept walking. I cannot begin to tell you all that went through my mind in just seconds. See, when they come out after a mammogram and want to do an ultrasound it means they see something they're not happy with. So the sweet, sweet girl that does the ultrasound came and got us (my mom went with me) and did the ultrasound. I know her and she tries her best to make it less scary and routine. However, in those moments, I relived the day I was diagnosed with cancer and all the years of radiation and treatment in between...in moments...like a slideshow in my mind of every hurdle, every tear, every moment spent waiting. What didn't cross my mind at the time was all the moments of Jesus I experienced...all the answered prayers, all the great news, all the battles won and the victories achieved all by the grace of God. I was told that day the area was most likely benign and was scar tissue and they would check it again in six months. Whew! It was only afterwards that I saw all I should have seen the moment they said the word "ultrasound". I panicked. I froze. I was full of fear. Instead of being full of peace and joy and the knowledge that God was with me no matter the outcome, I did the opposite and became full of fear.

Fear.  I hate that word. I hate the feeling. I hate everything about fear. It's a giant in my life right now...a paralyzing, gripping, crippling fear at times. Instead of being ashamed, I want to write about it and talk about it because this is where I'm struggling. Maybe writing about my feelings and about what I'm trying to do about it and really looking at what God says about it will help you, too. Psalm 18:28-30 says, "You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. As for God, His way is perfect. The LORD's word is flawless; He shields all who take refuge in him." (NIV) When I talk about fear in my life right now, it's not one specific thing - it's a lot of things. Because it's a lot of things, I feel like it's a giant in front of me - always there, always hard to get around, impossible to defeat. Of course, I can't help but think about David and Goliath in the Bible. Goliath was a giant and David was a scrawny little thing, the youngest son of Jesse, a shepherd boy. But the Bible tells us that David would kill the lions and the bears that grabbed the sheep and he would rescue the sheep. David had a heart for God. He volunteered to go up against Goliath. David says in 1 Samuel 17:37, "The LORD who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of the Philistine. Saul said to David, "Go, and the LORD be with you." And he did it! He killed Goliath! He defeated the giant before him. But make no mistake here, David didn't do it in his own strength; he did it with God's strength! And when I read this story and hear the words that David said, I don't hear fear in him. I don't hear worry. He doesn't seem paralyzed by fear, or want to run and hide. He wanted to run toward Goliath. I've asked myself why and it's because he was full of the confidence of God being with him. He was certain beyond a doubt that God would take care of him. I even believe he thought if he died trying to defeat Goliath that it was God's will and he was okay with it. This, right here, is what I need to tell myself every minute of every day if I have to. Because here's the thing...God's in charge, not me. I want more than anything else in my life, with everything in my being to be in the will of God. This being so, it would stand to reason that my life would be full of joy and peace instead of fear. But see, satan is very real and he knows he can use this against me. He has a way of creeping into our minds and before we know it we're sitting in a place of fear asking ourselves what happened to our joy and peace. Matthew 19:26 says, "But Jesus looked at them and said to them, 'With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." That's a promise straight from our Almighty God - all things are possible with God, not just some things, ALL things. That's cause for shoutin'!

So all these things I worry about - safety of my children and family, sickness, all the things that seem silly when I read God's word - He's got it. John 12:46 says, "I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness." We should never be in darkness, and fear is dark, no matter what that fear is. Matthew 6:27 says, "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" I think about this and know it in my heart, but boy is it hard some days. But I don't want to spend the days I have in fear, but rather in celebration and joy because of all Jesus has done for us. Because the bottom line is this...if we know the Lord as our Savior, we are only passing through this life. Our lives truly begin when we get to eternity. James 4:14 tells us, "Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." We're not here for long in the scheme of eternity, so why waste it in fear? That's not what God wants for us. Our job is to tell as many people as we can about the Heaven that God has prepared for us if we know Him. We are to get others so excited about it, that fear vanishes. Jesus came to this earth and died for us so that we can live with Him forever. Our time here on earth is fleeting, but it is to be lived to the fullest in Jesus. He can fill us with a peace that nothing or no one can ever fill. Psalm 144:4 says, "Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow." Compared to eternity, it's a blink of the eye. I don't want to spend my future in fear, do you? We don't have to. We may not know the future, but we can know the God who does. 

What I've realized is that living in fear is exhausting. However, God gives us such hope and tells us over and over again in His word not to fear because He is with us always. He put it in His word so much because He knew we would need to hear it. When I read the promises God gives us, that fear starts to diminish...I start to feel a peace come over me that I know are the arms of God. He's our father, our daddy, wanting to protect us in all things. He doesn't want to see us hurting. One day, that trumpet's gonna sound and the eastern sky is gonna part and Jesus will descend to call His children home. At that point we'll stroll hand in hand with our Savior through Heaven, singing and praising Him, visiting with our loved ones, in a place that's too beautiful for us to fathom. The sun will always shine and fear will never be an emotion we ever feel again. When we look at it like this, why would we ever fear when God is on our side? Just like David, let's run this race with the confidence that because God is with us, fear has no place in our lives. Let's look toward the big celebration we'll have in Heaven when we get there. 

So I say all this, and I"m thankful that God has given me these words today, because the more we can talk about it and encourage each other, the better we will be. The more we read God's word and brand these verses into our minds, the less room there will be for fear. Joshua 1:9 says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." God commands us to be strong and to not be afraid. The joy of the Lord is our strength says Nehemiah! Joy is our strength...not fear. I want to be the kind of woman that is so full of God and have so much of Jesus in me that satan is too afraid to approach me. I want him to know better than to mess with me because whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul. I'm a child of the King and so are you, so let's straighten up our crowns and walk on!

I love you all,

Kacey