God Died Anyway

For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Someone told me yesterday that they were too far gone for God. Of course, I told him that wasn't true, but I've been thinking about it ever since. Isn't that how Satan works? He takes our faults and our negatives and our weakest points and tells us we're so bad that God doesn't love us. He'll tell us that we're too far gone - that there's no way to get past what we do or what we've done for God to love us. How could God love me? After all, look at me. I want to be honest and vulnerable about myself for a minute because I think there's a lot of people that feel this same way. You might not deal with the exact thing I'm going to talk about, but you deal with something that makes you not feel the way God intends for us to feel about ourselves. He intends for us to feel loved and adored and cherished and beautiful. He intends for us to feel worthy enough that He died for us. We don't though. But let me tell you, there's nothing we could ever do that would be worthy of Him dying for us. But He died anyway. For you. For me. And you know what? He already knew what our failures and our hardships and our weaknesses were going to be when He died. He died anyway. He knew the roads we would take, the life we would have, the mistakes we would make, the victories we would win. He died anyway. Because, the bottom line is, there was nothing we could do worthy of Heaven, but in His eyes we were, and still are, precious in His sight. And He died anyway.

Because my friend thinks he's too far gone, I got to thinking about myself. See, he deals with something in his life that makes him feel unworthy. He doesn't feel precious and kind and like a beautiful soul. But I will tell you that he is all of those things, even if he can't see it. I deal with something in my life that's different than him, but it still makes me feel, at times, that I'm not beautiful or precious or worthy. They may be different things, but the end result is the same. We both look at ourselves in the mirror that tells us that this part of our life is ugly. We hear the same enemy telling us all the same lies. The Bible says in John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." And that's what Satan does. He comes to steal our joy, kill our spirit and destroy our hope for a better tomorrow, or, better yet, to destroy our lives by telling us we're too far gone for Heaven. But do you know what the rest of that verse says? It says, "I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." That's Jesus talking. HE came to give us life AND to give it to us abundantly.

The issue I deal with is my weight. I have struggled for so long. I used to think that I had struggled with it my whole life, but now I'm not so sure that's true. I look back over my life and realize that I didn't have a weight problem at times when I thought I did. But I've spent so much time worrying about this issue and judging myself so harshly, that it feels like I've had a lifetime of it. I let this issue so define me that it takes over how I live. I don't swim. I can swim and I love to swim, but I don't do it. I won't put on a bathing suit. I don't like having my picture made. I despise being weighed at the doctor's office. I think two or three or four times about what I wear. There are some places I don't even go. When I meet someone new I automatically think my weight is the first thing they're thinking about me. I had someone a while back try to guess what I ate and how much. But isn't that the stereotypical question that people have? They assume you're overweight because you eat the wrong things or too much of it. I have to remind myself that some people don't know where we've been, how far we've come, or what we've been through. Just like my friend I mentioned earlier - he's had a hard life. He's faced a lot of battles in his lifetime and he handles it the best way he can. I've been through seizures, cancer, three miscarriages, medicines that cause major changes in your body, and I, too, have dealt with it the best way I can. Sometimes people can't see deep enough into the heart of someone to understand them. But God can. And He does. He knows where we've been because He's been there with us. He knows how far we've come because He's walked beside us, maybe even carried us. He knows the battles we've fought and the heartaches we've had because He never leaves us. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is one I carried with me through cancer. It's Joshua 1:9 and it says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." I love this verse. He commands us in this verse. He doesn't ask. He commands. But He says He's with us wherever we go, whether that's on a day when I feel good about what I eat or on a day when I totally go off track. Just like with my friend, God is with him when he's having a good, strong day, or a bad one. 

I've recently committed to God to help me lose five pounds a month until I reach my goal. My oldest son is getting married in 15 months. If I can do five pounds a month, I'll be down 75 pounds and very close to my goal. I think that's doable. I know four things. One, I cannot do this by myself. God will have to help me and I know He will. He just told me in His word that He will be with me wherever I go. Even in this. Most especially in this because He loves me. Two, this will happen in His time and in His way because I have surrendered it all to Him. Three, I will have days when I struggle and feel like I've failed. But God doesn't fail. He will be right there every single time. I just have to get back up and keep trying. Four, it is important to me, and this makes it important to Him. Why? Because He died anyway. 1 Samuel 16:7 says, "For the Lord sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." And this - this is the most important thing. This is what I wish we all knew every minute of every hour of every day. God sees the heart. I know my heart, and my heart is overflowing with love for Jesus. I love Him more than I love my life. And my friend - God sees his heart, too. He sees the kindness, the strength, the beautiful love he has for others. And this, my friends, is the beauty of God. He sees us as no one else does. He sees our hopes and our dreams and our wishes and the ways we serve Him and worship Him and love Him. This is a beauty that will never be found in a number on the scale or a size in a pair of jeans. This is a beauty that will shine far more beautifully than our outward appearance. And that's what I see in my friend, because I see his heart. 

It's a hard thing to adapt to in today's world. With all the world's standards of what's pretty and what's not, what's skinny and what's not, what makes a person beautiful and what doesn't, it's no wonder we get lost in the lies the enemy throws at us. It's in our face all day every day. But I've chosen to work on looking at myself differently, and I pray my friend does, too. I'm choosing to hear God when He says in Solomon 4:7, "You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you." God doesn't see what I see, and I am so thankful. Because God thinks I'm beautiful, even when I don't. He knew I would face this in my life and have to come to terms with how He created me. He knew I would struggle. He knew some days I would listen to the voice of the enemy tell me lies and believe every single lie he spews at me. He knew I would try and fail, and try and fail, and try and fail. But he died anyway. For me and for you. He also knew that I would never truly fail as long as I didn't quit trying, as long as I kept striving to be more like Him. And I so want to be more like Him, with every part of my being. Pray for me as I walk this journey, and I'll pray for you. And I'll take this one day at a time, and I'll walk this road with Him by my side. And I'll try to be a little kinder to myself when I look in the mirror. I'll try to see what He sees. And my friend, well, this one is for you, too, because I see a little bit of what God sees in you, and it is altogether beautiful, my love. Believe it for yourself. Even in the midst of the struggles and the ups and downs, believe it for yourself. After all, God died anyway. 

I love you all,

Kacey