My heart has been filled today. I've been overflowing with love for my Jesus. I've been humbled; and to say that I'm grateful doesn't even begin to grasp what my heart is trying to say when I think about what this week must have been like for Jesus the week He was crucified. What was He thinking? What was He feeling? Was He scared? Was He lonely? I spend so much time thinking about His birth and His resurrection, and yes, I think about His death, but I think about it in terms of what He did for me...not what it meant for Him. Today I've spent the day thinking about what it must have been like for Him.
Jesus says in Matthew 26:38-39, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death...Going a little farther, He fell with His face to the ground and prayed, "My father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." (NIV) Oh, my, how my heart breaks when I read this passage because I can hear the grief and sorrow and pain in the voice of Jesus. His soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death! He fell on His face. When I think about the times that I have gone to God and fallen on my face it's because of my circumstance or my sin. But Jesus went to the Garden of Gethsemane and fell on His face because He was about to suffer upon a cross that was meant for me and my sin, not His own. He did nothing to deserve to die this way. I cannot tell you how many times I have fallen on my face before God and asked and begged Him to take something from me or to change my circumstance. But, when I read this and thought about what this was like for Jesus, what He was about to suffer, what He was about to do....for me....the realm of emotions I feel are almost unexplainable. I feel shame because I'm not worth it. I feel loved because through this suffering, this sacrifice, this grief and anxiety, this begging and pleading to make it all go away, in the end Jesus says in verse 42 when He had gone away a second time to pray, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." (NIV) In other words, He said, I'll do it - I love them all, too. So we know that Jesus was grieving, but we also know He wanted His Father's will.
What must it have been like after His arrest and trial? What was He thinking when they beat Him? What must have been going through His head when they mocked Him? Have you ever had someone hurt your feelings or mock you or make fun of you? I have and it hurts, but nothing I have ever experienced has ever compared to what had been done to Jesus. Just listen. The soldiers mocked Jesus. "They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on Him, and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on His head. They put a staff in his right hand and knelt in front of Him and mocked Him. "Hail, king of the Jews!" they said. They spit on Him, and took the staff and struck Him on the head again and again. After they had mocked Him, they took off the robe and put His own clothes on Him. Then they led him away to crucify Him." Matthew 27:28-31 (NIV) I imagine His body so weak from the beatings, but His heart so weak and hurt from the insults and mockery and laughter and spit in His face! The reality of the crucifixion has been so real in my heart. The images vivid in my head as over and over and over again He endured this for me and for you. I keep thinking that it should have been me they mocked and laughed at. It should have been me they spit on. But He took it for me instead. He took it for you. He did it so we wouldn't have to.
What was Jesus thinking when they reached Golgotha? Was He thinking it was almost over? Was He thinking the worst is yet to come? Was He wondering if He could endure any more? Was He in such pain that He was just ready to get it done? I can't imagine what was going through His mind right before they drove that first nail through His hand. I'm sure He was waiting, filled with anguish and anxiety, already hurting, physically, and his heart breaking knowing He was about to suffer for all of us, including the very one about to drive that first nail. Matthew 27:34, "There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall; but after tasting it, he refused to drink it." (NIV) I learned through a Bible study that this gall that was mixed with the wine was used to numb the pain. But did you get what that scripture said? It said Jesus refused to drink it! Why? It is my belief that He did not want anything to make this sacrifice easier. His death bore the sins of the world and that was a very heavy load to bear.
What did Jesus think when they hung Him between two criminals...this Savior, this Son of God who had done no wrong, yet there He was hanging between two criminals? Luke 23:34 says, "Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (NIV) What did He think when they sneered at Him, yelling "He saved others, let him save himself if he is the Christ of God, the Chosen One." Luke 23:35 (NIV) In Matthew 27:46 when, "Jesus cried out in a loud voice, My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?", did He feel alone? (NIV) The mocking never stopped. The hurtful words continued. The laughter never ceased. Jesus hung on that cross amidst all of this humiliation and shame for something He never did. He was perfect. He was the perfect Lamb. "It was now the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining, and the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit," When he had said this, he breathed His last." Luke 23:44-47 (NIV) The middle of the day, noontime, and it was dark because the sun stopped shining. The Light of the World, dying on a cross, for sins he never committed.
Jesus could have called 10,000 angels to get him off the cross. He could have come down if He wanted. But He didn't. He knew what He had to do in order to save me and to save you. But what's been so very real to me in reading this story that I've read more times than I can count, is that we were the purpose of this whole horrendous death. We were the reason He suffered. There was no other sacrifice good enough to save us and give us eternal life in Heaven except the Son of God! So every time I think He doesn't understand how low I feel, or how desperate I am to change my circumstance, I'm going to rethink this time that Jesus suffered for me because I think he knows much more than I can ever imagine.
Now don't stop reading yet because the best is yet to come. Luke 24:6 says, "He is not here; he has risen! Remember how He told you, while He was still with you in Galilee: The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again," (NIV) Verse 2 says, "They found the stone rolled away from the tomb but when they entered they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus." (NIV) He's Alive and He is Risen, Heaven's Gates are Opened Wide, He's Alive!! He got to appear to His disciples again and then, "He lifted up His hands and blessed them. While He was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven." Luke 24:50-51 (NIV)
Yes, I have wondered what these last days were like for Jesus and it humbles me more than I can explain. It's hard to think about someone loving me and you that much - enough to endure that kind of pain and humiliation and dread. And back to what I've been asking all along, what was Jesus thinking and feeling? I think He was feeling love toward us. I think he was thinking that one day His promise would be fulfilled and all glory would be His; that one day all nations would bow before His throne and call Him Lord of Lords and King of Kings. This kind of love can come only from Jesus, the One and only Son of God, who came and suffered and bore my sins and died for me and died for you in order for us to have eternal life in Heaven. Thank you, Jesus, just isn't enough. My cup runneth over.
Happy Easter.
I love you all,
Kacey
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Sunday, April 13, 2014
She Laughs
"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25 (NIV)
There is nothing quite like being awestruck by the word of God. Nothing like reading something and knowing that you are reading it because He wants you to. I read this verse the other day and was just that...awestruck. You see, I've been in some kind of trench lately, a valley that sits a little lower than any of the other valleys I've visited over the past little while. When I read this verse, the first thing I thought was "I've lost my smile"; "I've lost my laughter". It made me sad. It woke me up.
There are so many adjustments that have to be made when you go through cancer. What happens in the beginning is that you must adjust to the fact that you have cancer. Then you adjust to the kind of cancer you have and what your treatment options are. After that, you must adjust to your new way of living - fighting every day, making sure your loved ones are okay, trying to stay positive, and on and on. During this beginning stage when you're adjusting to all this, you are also given a lot of information about your future. You're told what to expect one year, two years, five years from that moment and, for me, I didn't hear this information. I stopped listening when I heard "you have cancer". But you wade through everything, you fight, and you believe that if you can just make it to the other side you'll just go back to normal and pick up where you left off. Let me warn you...it's not possible, or it wasn't for me. I am so grateful and so thankful that I made it through, but I did not pick up where I left off. There are so many reasons I am glad I didn't. If you've walked this journey with me, you know how much God has changed my life. He has made me stronger and more faithful and so grateful for so many things. He has shown me things I never dreamed I would get to see and learn and experience. I've begun to remember some of the things the doctors told me to expect. I now remember them telling me that the medicine I would need to take for five years would cause joint pain and fatigue and weight gain. What didn't matter then, matters now. So that's where I've been. I have been sitting in a valley, quite frankly right where the devil wants me, in a pit of self-image issues and weight issues. But that is not where God wants me, so that's not where I intend to stay.
Micah 7:8 says, "Do not gloat over me my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light." (NIV) I absolutely love this verse. I like to say it over and over, because if the devil thinks he has me right where he wants me, God promises me something different. He will raise me up when I fall. He will be my light on those days I sit in darkness. Many years ago, I began having seizures. Doctors did not know why then and they still don't, but I have to take medication for this. The medicine I've been on all these years now interacts with my cancer medicine so we are doing a change of the seizure medicine. This is not an easy change. Because the drug is a neurological drug, it affects my mood and my emotions, so I've been up and down lately to say the least. (Bless my family for loving me like they do!!) I tell you this because one of the adjustments I am trying to make that I mentioned above is the weight gain associated with all this cancer stuff I've been through. So when I couple the seizure medicine change along with my self-image, weight stuff, I've really just been a mess. I can say this today with a smile because at times it seems so ludicrous to ever be worried about such things. But I am human...and a woman! God tells me I am wonderfully and beautifully made. However, it's not easy to ever feel beautiful during cancer. Half the time, I didn't even want to look in the mirror because I felt like so much of me was changing. Now, even though I've come through what I thought was the hardest part, I still find myself not wanting to look in the mirror. I've been asking myself what happened. I've been asking why I seemed happier in the throes of cancer than I do today. I keep asking God these questions. I keep asking Him why I seem to be so focused on these things the doctors told me were coming; why I can't accept where I am right now; why I don't seem happy. He told me. I lost my focus. I took my eyes off of Him. I lost my smile and my laughter because I've made it about me instead of about Him. In the middle of cancer, I might not have wanted to look in the mirror very much, but that wasn't my focus. My focus was to go about telling all the things the Lord was showing me and the prayers that were being answered and the ways He was growing my faith. So for now, as Psalm 30:5 says "weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning", (NIV) I am going to refocus my eyes. I know He has a work for me to do. I am where I am and it is what it is. I am where He wants me to be and I am going to do what He wants, His way, not my way.
I believe it's important to share with you where I am because I believe many of you have the same struggles. I think many of you struggle with self-image issues and weight issues whether or not you've been through cancer. I think the Lord wants me to share this struggle with you to let you know you are not alone and to let me know I'm not alone. Any time we bring something out of the darkness into the light, it loses its power over us. Maybe this is a start. I am asking you to pray with me about this issue, that we can begin to see ourselves the way God sees us. I'm going to ask Him to get me out of this cycle and bring me out of this pit, and I know He will because He said He would. The enemy is always going to use our weakest link against us. But we have a bigger God! I think it is important for us to remember that God tells us in Isaiah 40: 28-31 "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (NIV). Isn't this the most amazing promise? Yes, I feel like I am sitting in a valley right now that sits a little lower than any I've ever been in. But tonight, as I look around and find myself searching for my Savior, I see Him here with me. He's not tired or weary, though I may be. He understands me and where I am, though I may not. He gives me strength I do not even know I have. I have hope in the Lord and He will renew my strength; and when He does, I am no longer afraid to look in the mirror. You know why? I see Him...not me.
I am clothed with strength and dignity; I can laugh at the days to come.
There is nothing quite like being awestruck by the word of God. Nothing like reading something and knowing that you are reading it because He wants you to. I read this verse the other day and was just that...awestruck. You see, I've been in some kind of trench lately, a valley that sits a little lower than any of the other valleys I've visited over the past little while. When I read this verse, the first thing I thought was "I've lost my smile"; "I've lost my laughter". It made me sad. It woke me up.
There are so many adjustments that have to be made when you go through cancer. What happens in the beginning is that you must adjust to the fact that you have cancer. Then you adjust to the kind of cancer you have and what your treatment options are. After that, you must adjust to your new way of living - fighting every day, making sure your loved ones are okay, trying to stay positive, and on and on. During this beginning stage when you're adjusting to all this, you are also given a lot of information about your future. You're told what to expect one year, two years, five years from that moment and, for me, I didn't hear this information. I stopped listening when I heard "you have cancer". But you wade through everything, you fight, and you believe that if you can just make it to the other side you'll just go back to normal and pick up where you left off. Let me warn you...it's not possible, or it wasn't for me. I am so grateful and so thankful that I made it through, but I did not pick up where I left off. There are so many reasons I am glad I didn't. If you've walked this journey with me, you know how much God has changed my life. He has made me stronger and more faithful and so grateful for so many things. He has shown me things I never dreamed I would get to see and learn and experience. I've begun to remember some of the things the doctors told me to expect. I now remember them telling me that the medicine I would need to take for five years would cause joint pain and fatigue and weight gain. What didn't matter then, matters now. So that's where I've been. I have been sitting in a valley, quite frankly right where the devil wants me, in a pit of self-image issues and weight issues. But that is not where God wants me, so that's not where I intend to stay.
Micah 7:8 says, "Do not gloat over me my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light." (NIV) I absolutely love this verse. I like to say it over and over, because if the devil thinks he has me right where he wants me, God promises me something different. He will raise me up when I fall. He will be my light on those days I sit in darkness. Many years ago, I began having seizures. Doctors did not know why then and they still don't, but I have to take medication for this. The medicine I've been on all these years now interacts with my cancer medicine so we are doing a change of the seizure medicine. This is not an easy change. Because the drug is a neurological drug, it affects my mood and my emotions, so I've been up and down lately to say the least. (Bless my family for loving me like they do!!) I tell you this because one of the adjustments I am trying to make that I mentioned above is the weight gain associated with all this cancer stuff I've been through. So when I couple the seizure medicine change along with my self-image, weight stuff, I've really just been a mess. I can say this today with a smile because at times it seems so ludicrous to ever be worried about such things. But I am human...and a woman! God tells me I am wonderfully and beautifully made. However, it's not easy to ever feel beautiful during cancer. Half the time, I didn't even want to look in the mirror because I felt like so much of me was changing. Now, even though I've come through what I thought was the hardest part, I still find myself not wanting to look in the mirror. I've been asking myself what happened. I've been asking why I seemed happier in the throes of cancer than I do today. I keep asking God these questions. I keep asking Him why I seem to be so focused on these things the doctors told me were coming; why I can't accept where I am right now; why I don't seem happy. He told me. I lost my focus. I took my eyes off of Him. I lost my smile and my laughter because I've made it about me instead of about Him. In the middle of cancer, I might not have wanted to look in the mirror very much, but that wasn't my focus. My focus was to go about telling all the things the Lord was showing me and the prayers that were being answered and the ways He was growing my faith. So for now, as Psalm 30:5 says "weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning", (NIV) I am going to refocus my eyes. I know He has a work for me to do. I am where I am and it is what it is. I am where He wants me to be and I am going to do what He wants, His way, not my way.
I believe it's important to share with you where I am because I believe many of you have the same struggles. I think many of you struggle with self-image issues and weight issues whether or not you've been through cancer. I think the Lord wants me to share this struggle with you to let you know you are not alone and to let me know I'm not alone. Any time we bring something out of the darkness into the light, it loses its power over us. Maybe this is a start. I am asking you to pray with me about this issue, that we can begin to see ourselves the way God sees us. I'm going to ask Him to get me out of this cycle and bring me out of this pit, and I know He will because He said He would. The enemy is always going to use our weakest link against us. But we have a bigger God! I think it is important for us to remember that God tells us in Isaiah 40: 28-31 "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (NIV). Isn't this the most amazing promise? Yes, I feel like I am sitting in a valley right now that sits a little lower than any I've ever been in. But tonight, as I look around and find myself searching for my Savior, I see Him here with me. He's not tired or weary, though I may be. He understands me and where I am, though I may not. He gives me strength I do not even know I have. I have hope in the Lord and He will renew my strength; and when He does, I am no longer afraid to look in the mirror. You know why? I see Him...not me.
I am clothed with strength and dignity; I can laugh at the days to come.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
A Different Kind of New Year
Christmas is such a wonderful time for our family. We have our traditions and things that make special memories each year. This year, for the first time in two years, there was nothing concerning cancer in our midst. We always tell the story of Jesus' birth and talk as a family about what it must have been like for Mary, Joseph and Jesus that first Christmas; how Jesus' birth changed the world. This year, it was extra close to my heart. The Lord has changed me so much through cancer and these last two years, that my mind and heart were in a different place this year. Instead of being so focused on buying gifts and making sure everything was carried out perfectly, I focused on other people and on what Christmas is really about. I spent time reflecting on this past year and all the ways God showed us His presence.
Just as a funny side story, my son, Jonah, who is 7, yelled one day for me to come quickly to see this commercial because there was something else he wanted to add to his list. After watching the commercial, I thought it would be a good learning moment for me to expand on the true meaning of Christmas. So, I told Jonah that when Jesus was born there were three gifts given to Him - gold, frankincense and myrrh. He asked me some questions about this and I walked away very pleased that he seemed so interested and that he understood it so well. A little while later, I overheard him talking to Max, his older brother of 13 (he didn't know I could hear). He said, "Max, don't go adding anything to your Christmas list because Mom was talking to me today about how Jesus only got three presents. Now, I don't think she's going to tell Santa about this, but just in case, leave your list like it is and don't add anything to it. I mean, if Jesus only got three, what does that mean for us?" Well, I got a really good laugh and didn't feel quite so proud of my learning moment anymore. :) But it's moments like these that are so priceless...memories that can't be taken away.
I am so thankful that our music minister listened to the Lord asking us as a choir to go and sing for the homeless and for those in prison. This music might have been the only Christmas some of these people had. I was not able to go to the prison, but I did go downtown to the Rescue Mission. As we stood and sang songs about our Lord and His birth, I began to look around the room. I listened as these men coughed and were sick from being out in the cold. I saw how many of them fell asleep because they were able to sit down for a few moments in the warmth and safety of a building. I watched as some would sing along with us and worship and praise the Lord. My eyes saw things in a whole new way and I began to pray for these individuals. After it was over we began to talk with some of them and I found that they were no different than me...they were children that God had created and He loved them. They were eager to share and talk and it opened my eyes to God's grace. I was very humbled by their spirits and their circumstances. It made me realize that Jesus was born in a manger for a reason. He wasn't born on a throne or in royal, high places. If that had happened, would we all feel like His grace and salvation were attainable? Instead He was born in a barn in a manger, the lowliest of lows so that all would know and understand that He came for us all. He was born in order to die for all of us, and even though that's something I've always known, I saw it with fresh eyes this Christmas.
The New Year brings with it a fresh start and a new beginning - a way for us to start with a clean slate and make resolutions to make changes for the better. I am thankful that the Bible tells us, though, that it doesn't have to be January 1st for us to have a new start because God's mercies are new every, single morning. My husband, Alan, suggested that we find a verse or chapter in the Bible to begin our new year and pray upon our family. We chose Psalm 128. It says this: "Blessed is every one who fears the Lord, Who walks in His ways. When you eat the labor of your hands, you SHALL be happy, and it SHALL be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, Your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you out of Zion, and may you see the good of Jerusalem all the days of your life. Yes, may you see your children's children. Peace be upon Israel!". (NKJV) This verse spoke to us saying that we want to be more like Jesus and walk in His ways. We are thankful for the job Alan has and that his health helps him labor. We are thankful and I pray to be the heart of the house and that our children will be happy and healthy. We felt this Psalm spoke of everyone in our home. We pray these things for each of you.
As I sat today with the Lord looking back over last year and looking forward to next year, the Lord gave me this poem. Sometimes it's easy to look back and see all the hard times and not see the good, and it's also been easy for me the last couple of years to look upon the new year with an "oh no, here we go" kind of attitude. But the Lord changed that for me and spoke to me about that because no matter what we face, He's always there. He's always giving us blessings, I just want to be sure I've got my eyes open this year to see them. I don't want to miss even one! I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and I pray blessings on each of you for the new year.
I started by reliving some things from last year,
But as my anxiousness moved in, I heard Him say I am here.
I cried, Lord, what a year full of hurdles and pain,
But He said, can you tell Me, what did you gain?
My mind started racing, trying to remember the worst,
But I couldn’t seem to find it because the good things came first.
Oh, I remembered the day cancer came through my door,
But with it came an abundance of blessings to my world.
I remember feeling alone, overwhelmed and scared,
But that wasn’t the worst day because an angel was there.
See, I began to see His hand and His glory all around,
From the moment I woke up until the sun went down.
I remembered the time at the doctor one day,
I was at my lowest point, and hope seemed far away.
A very sick man came in through those doors,
But what I noticed the most was his love for the Lord.
See, he told the whole room what battles he raged,
But in that same breath he gave God glory and praise.
He never saw me that day, but his impact was big,
He was put in my path and he was definitely hand-picked.
God knew I needed something right then and right there,
So He sent me an angel who entertained unaware.
So, again, in my mind this day was not bad,
Because God had someone meet me on my long, winding path.
I continued to try and find the worst day of last year,
And felt for sure it was the surgery, the fourth in a year.
I tried to remember the fear and the pain,
But all I could see was what I had gained.
I got a glimpse of Heaven during that last surgery I was in,
I saw my baby girl that I lost and lives with Him.
Words cannot describe the beauty and depth of what was seen,
God turned something scary into something beautiful just for me.
As I sat and remembered these things of the past,
I began to understand just what God had asked.
In the midst of all my troubles, of all my pain and my hurt,
God was trying to show me just how He works.
He’s taken me to mountaintops and valleys below,
But never have I been anywhere that He didn’t go.
So I smiled and I thanked Him for making me see,
That He’s there in the middle of each day with me.
No, instead He’d shown me what I had already found,
He’s in charge… there’s a plan… and blessings always abound!
Just as a funny side story, my son, Jonah, who is 7, yelled one day for me to come quickly to see this commercial because there was something else he wanted to add to his list. After watching the commercial, I thought it would be a good learning moment for me to expand on the true meaning of Christmas. So, I told Jonah that when Jesus was born there were three gifts given to Him - gold, frankincense and myrrh. He asked me some questions about this and I walked away very pleased that he seemed so interested and that he understood it so well. A little while later, I overheard him talking to Max, his older brother of 13 (he didn't know I could hear). He said, "Max, don't go adding anything to your Christmas list because Mom was talking to me today about how Jesus only got three presents. Now, I don't think she's going to tell Santa about this, but just in case, leave your list like it is and don't add anything to it. I mean, if Jesus only got three, what does that mean for us?" Well, I got a really good laugh and didn't feel quite so proud of my learning moment anymore. :) But it's moments like these that are so priceless...memories that can't be taken away.
I am so thankful that our music minister listened to the Lord asking us as a choir to go and sing for the homeless and for those in prison. This music might have been the only Christmas some of these people had. I was not able to go to the prison, but I did go downtown to the Rescue Mission. As we stood and sang songs about our Lord and His birth, I began to look around the room. I listened as these men coughed and were sick from being out in the cold. I saw how many of them fell asleep because they were able to sit down for a few moments in the warmth and safety of a building. I watched as some would sing along with us and worship and praise the Lord. My eyes saw things in a whole new way and I began to pray for these individuals. After it was over we began to talk with some of them and I found that they were no different than me...they were children that God had created and He loved them. They were eager to share and talk and it opened my eyes to God's grace. I was very humbled by their spirits and their circumstances. It made me realize that Jesus was born in a manger for a reason. He wasn't born on a throne or in royal, high places. If that had happened, would we all feel like His grace and salvation were attainable? Instead He was born in a barn in a manger, the lowliest of lows so that all would know and understand that He came for us all. He was born in order to die for all of us, and even though that's something I've always known, I saw it with fresh eyes this Christmas.
The New Year brings with it a fresh start and a new beginning - a way for us to start with a clean slate and make resolutions to make changes for the better. I am thankful that the Bible tells us, though, that it doesn't have to be January 1st for us to have a new start because God's mercies are new every, single morning. My husband, Alan, suggested that we find a verse or chapter in the Bible to begin our new year and pray upon our family. We chose Psalm 128. It says this: "Blessed is every one who fears the Lord, Who walks in His ways. When you eat the labor of your hands, you SHALL be happy, and it SHALL be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, Your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you out of Zion, and may you see the good of Jerusalem all the days of your life. Yes, may you see your children's children. Peace be upon Israel!". (NKJV) This verse spoke to us saying that we want to be more like Jesus and walk in His ways. We are thankful for the job Alan has and that his health helps him labor. We are thankful and I pray to be the heart of the house and that our children will be happy and healthy. We felt this Psalm spoke of everyone in our home. We pray these things for each of you.
As I sat today with the Lord looking back over last year and looking forward to next year, the Lord gave me this poem. Sometimes it's easy to look back and see all the hard times and not see the good, and it's also been easy for me the last couple of years to look upon the new year with an "oh no, here we go" kind of attitude. But the Lord changed that for me and spoke to me about that because no matter what we face, He's always there. He's always giving us blessings, I just want to be sure I've got my eyes open this year to see them. I don't want to miss even one! I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and I pray blessings on each of you for the new year.
Twas the beginning of the New Year and all through my home,
Everyone was busy, as I sat all alone.
I listened to the sounds as around me I heard,
Laughter and giggles and sweet, funny words.
It occurred to me then that I had not talked yet with God,
I’d been wanting to share with Him some things on my heart.I started by reliving some things from last year,
But as my anxiousness moved in, I heard Him say I am here.
Peace covered me like a blanket, I felt His presence no
doubt,
And that allowed me to be honest, to be real and to cry out.I cried, Lord, what a year full of hurdles and pain,
But He said, can you tell Me, what did you gain?
I sat there a moment, not sure what to say,
So He told me to tell Him about my worst day.My mind started racing, trying to remember the worst,
But I couldn’t seem to find it because the good things came first.
Oh, I remembered the day cancer came through my door,
But with it came an abundance of blessings to my world.
I remember feeling alone, overwhelmed and scared,
But that wasn’t the worst day because an angel was there.
God showed me a glimpse of an angel one day,
And in the midst of this cancer I was no longer afraid.See, I began to see His hand and His glory all around,
From the moment I woke up until the sun went down.
I remembered the time at the doctor one day,
I was at my lowest point, and hope seemed far away.
A very sick man came in through those doors,
But what I noticed the most was his love for the Lord.
See, he told the whole room what battles he raged,
But in that same breath he gave God glory and praise.
He never saw me that day, but his impact was big,
He was put in my path and he was definitely hand-picked.
God knew I needed something right then and right there,
So He sent me an angel who entertained unaware.
So, again, in my mind this day was not bad,
Because God had someone meet me on my long, winding path.
I continued to try and find the worst day of last year,
And felt for sure it was the surgery, the fourth in a year.
I tried to remember the fear and the pain,
But all I could see was what I had gained.
I got a glimpse of Heaven during that last surgery I was in,
I saw my baby girl that I lost and lives with Him.
Words cannot describe the beauty and depth of what was seen,
God turned something scary into something beautiful just for me.
As I sat and remembered these things of the past,
I began to understand just what God had asked.
In the midst of all my troubles, of all my pain and my hurt,
God was trying to show me just how He works.
He takes us through trials, through good times and bad,
But only to show us the blessings we have.He’s taken me to mountaintops and valleys below,
But never have I been anywhere that He didn’t go.
He’s walked with me and carried me and shown me the way,
And taught me there are blessings in every single day.So I smiled and I thanked Him for making me see,
That He’s there in the middle of each day with me.
Yes, I thanked Him, ‘cause I knew just what He’d done,
Had he made me unravel last year just for fun?No, instead He’d shown me what I had already found,
He’s in charge… there’s a plan… and blessings always abound!
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Thanksgiving Thankfulness
Hebrews 12:28 says, "Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe" (NIV). Well I think that's a very big reason for us to be thankful - we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken! Amen? Amen. As Thanksgiving approaches I've stopped and looked within myself to see what my reasons are to be thankful this year. We ponder our reasons to be thankful on Thanksgiving, but I will say to you that I have learned through cancer that thankfulness has taken on a new meaning for me. I will also say to you that I ponder these reasons more often than just at Thanksgiving. I feel sometimes that Thanksgiving Day is being overlooked and sliding through the cracks because our society is so fast-paced that we've stopped being still. I want to be still and share with you my reasons for being thankful.
My thankfulness is always about the big stuff. I am thankful that God sent His only Son to die for me that I will have eternal life with Him. I am thankful that God gives me grace and mercy, but also consequences and guidance. Someone once said there would be no message without the mess and no testimony without the test! I love this because it is so true. The messes I've made sometimes didn't deserve grace, but I got it anyway. My extreme love for the Lord would not be as it is without the tests He has walked me through. I am thankful that because I am a believer in Christ that my sin is not only forgiven, but forgotten as far as the east is from the west. In other words, there is no remembrance of my sin to God once I repent. Oh, how thankful I am that He forgets - I wish I could forget, too! I am thankful that God created a kingdom for us to live for eternity. I am thankful for my family, for it is with them that God placed me and I am honored to be loved by each and every one of them. They have helped me and prayed for me and walked with me and sat with me in my darkest hours and never moved, never left, never gave up. I am thankful for each and every one of you reading this because whether I've told you or not, you have blessed me in some way. I am blessed and I am thankful.
Yes, my thankfulness is always about the big stuff; yet, there is such blessing and thankfulness and graciousness in what some might consider "small stuff". I am thankful that the beauty of the sky can take my breath away. I am thankful for God's whisper. I love the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 19 when the Lord told Elijah to "go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by" (v.11). Well, Elijah went to the mountain and verse 11-12 says, "a powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper." God was in the whisper and I am thankful that He still gives us gentle whispers. Those can be different for everyone, but for me when I am the only one up at night and can hear the gentle breathing of my husband and children when they sleep, or the quiet hours of the night that are peaceful... these are the whispers of God that I am so thankful for. I am thankful for the people God puts in my path, for each can have a special message. I am thankful that my 7 year old son still climbs up on my lap just to sit and snuggle. This time is so precious. I am thankful that my 13 year old son just this week made the basketball team; and while I am so thankful that he made the team, what warms my heart the most is that his first choice of basketball shoes were the pink ones in honor of my journey through cancer. (We did not get the pink ones, but I was touched nonetheless.) :) I am thankful for the sunlight that is sometimes blinding. I am thankful when the clouds in the sky separate showing us a blue unlike any other, giving us a glimpse that heaven is just through those clouds. I am thankful for the mountaintops and equally as thankful for the valleys and even the desert. God gives us such beauty in each place He sends us. I am thankful for the water that falls from the side of a mountain just because God thought we might enjoy it. I am thankful for the vibrant color He allows us to see on this earth - the reds, oranges, and yellows of the fall; the white, snowy color of winter, the new blooms of color in the spring, and the wondrous greens of the summer. He could have made everything dark and ugly and we never would have known; but He gave us beauty here on earth and I can't imagine the beauty of Heaven. I am thankful for the ways He shows me He loves me, as if I'm the only child He has. I am thankful that when the darkness sets in and the long hours of the night lay before me, He scoops me up and holds me in His lap until the storm passes by. I am thankful for the rest I can receive in the shadow of the Almighty. I love Jeremiah 29:13 that says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (NIV) God is all around us and we can see Him in everything if we seek Him. I am so thankful that He lets us see Him.
Psalm 39 4-7 talks about how our lives are fleeting and that "each man's life is but a breath". (NIV) And in 1 Peter 5:10, God promises us that our suffering will be only for a little while. (NIV) I am thankful that these verses let us know that if we are suffering right now, it will be only for a little while. God will restore us and bring us through according to His will and His timing. Yes, our lives are but a breath, but what joyous, beautiful blessings we are able to see and receive. I am thankful for breast cancer, for without this test I would not have the testimony to give God all the glory for what He has done. I just had a good report this week and I am thankful. I have learned to try not to look toward tomorrow....it might not come....it has troubles of its own. I am thankful that I am cancer free. Today. What will tomorrow bring? I don't know, but I am thankful that I serve a God who does.
"Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, the sheep of His pasture. Enter His gates with Thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks for Him and praise His name. For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations." Psalm 100 (NIV)
Hallelujah! I am thankful for so much and blessed undeservedly. To me, there is nothing "small stuff" about God. He's always big and mighty and powerful. So, yes, I am receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken and I am thankful! I stand in awe of our Almighty God. My cup runs over. I send my love to each of you and wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving.
I love you all,
Kacey
My thankfulness is always about the big stuff. I am thankful that God sent His only Son to die for me that I will have eternal life with Him. I am thankful that God gives me grace and mercy, but also consequences and guidance. Someone once said there would be no message without the mess and no testimony without the test! I love this because it is so true. The messes I've made sometimes didn't deserve grace, but I got it anyway. My extreme love for the Lord would not be as it is without the tests He has walked me through. I am thankful that because I am a believer in Christ that my sin is not only forgiven, but forgotten as far as the east is from the west. In other words, there is no remembrance of my sin to God once I repent. Oh, how thankful I am that He forgets - I wish I could forget, too! I am thankful that God created a kingdom for us to live for eternity. I am thankful for my family, for it is with them that God placed me and I am honored to be loved by each and every one of them. They have helped me and prayed for me and walked with me and sat with me in my darkest hours and never moved, never left, never gave up. I am thankful for each and every one of you reading this because whether I've told you or not, you have blessed me in some way. I am blessed and I am thankful.
Yes, my thankfulness is always about the big stuff; yet, there is such blessing and thankfulness and graciousness in what some might consider "small stuff". I am thankful that the beauty of the sky can take my breath away. I am thankful for God's whisper. I love the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 19 when the Lord told Elijah to "go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by" (v.11). Well, Elijah went to the mountain and verse 11-12 says, "a powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper." God was in the whisper and I am thankful that He still gives us gentle whispers. Those can be different for everyone, but for me when I am the only one up at night and can hear the gentle breathing of my husband and children when they sleep, or the quiet hours of the night that are peaceful... these are the whispers of God that I am so thankful for. I am thankful for the people God puts in my path, for each can have a special message. I am thankful that my 7 year old son still climbs up on my lap just to sit and snuggle. This time is so precious. I am thankful that my 13 year old son just this week made the basketball team; and while I am so thankful that he made the team, what warms my heart the most is that his first choice of basketball shoes were the pink ones in honor of my journey through cancer. (We did not get the pink ones, but I was touched nonetheless.) :) I am thankful for the sunlight that is sometimes blinding. I am thankful when the clouds in the sky separate showing us a blue unlike any other, giving us a glimpse that heaven is just through those clouds. I am thankful for the mountaintops and equally as thankful for the valleys and even the desert. God gives us such beauty in each place He sends us. I am thankful for the water that falls from the side of a mountain just because God thought we might enjoy it. I am thankful for the vibrant color He allows us to see on this earth - the reds, oranges, and yellows of the fall; the white, snowy color of winter, the new blooms of color in the spring, and the wondrous greens of the summer. He could have made everything dark and ugly and we never would have known; but He gave us beauty here on earth and I can't imagine the beauty of Heaven. I am thankful for the ways He shows me He loves me, as if I'm the only child He has. I am thankful that when the darkness sets in and the long hours of the night lay before me, He scoops me up and holds me in His lap until the storm passes by. I am thankful for the rest I can receive in the shadow of the Almighty. I love Jeremiah 29:13 that says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (NIV) God is all around us and we can see Him in everything if we seek Him. I am so thankful that He lets us see Him.
Psalm 39 4-7 talks about how our lives are fleeting and that "each man's life is but a breath". (NIV) And in 1 Peter 5:10, God promises us that our suffering will be only for a little while. (NIV) I am thankful that these verses let us know that if we are suffering right now, it will be only for a little while. God will restore us and bring us through according to His will and His timing. Yes, our lives are but a breath, but what joyous, beautiful blessings we are able to see and receive. I am thankful for breast cancer, for without this test I would not have the testimony to give God all the glory for what He has done. I just had a good report this week and I am thankful. I have learned to try not to look toward tomorrow....it might not come....it has troubles of its own. I am thankful that I am cancer free. Today. What will tomorrow bring? I don't know, but I am thankful that I serve a God who does.
"Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, the sheep of His pasture. Enter His gates with Thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks for Him and praise His name. For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations." Psalm 100 (NIV)
Hallelujah! I am thankful for so much and blessed undeservedly. To me, there is nothing "small stuff" about God. He's always big and mighty and powerful. So, yes, I am receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken and I am thankful! I stand in awe of our Almighty God. My cup runs over. I send my love to each of you and wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving.
I love you all,
Kacey
Friday, September 27, 2013
The Shadow of the Almighty
Psalm 91 is one of my favorite chapters in the whole Bible. It talks about being safe in the presence of God. The first verse, and I go to it often, says, "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty". (NKJV) Notice that it says under the shadow of the Almighty. To me, that gives a picture of me literally standing under God's shadow, and because I'm under His shadow I am safe and hidden, not being able to be seen by anyone or anything else. Almighty is another thing about this verse that I love, because this personal name of God means strength and power. Well, if I'm going to be hidden under something, I can think of nothing better than to be hidden under the shadow of Almighty God! I haven't written anything lately because this is where I feel like I've been lately, under the shadow of the Almighty - hidden and covered and safe, wrapped up in the arms of God.
A few weeks ago I found out that I was finally on the road to recovery from cancer. I've been fighting now for two years and could not wait for the day I would hear the words, "you are doing great and are finally on the road to recovery". I thought I would jump up and down and celebrate and feel an overwhelming sense of relief....but I didn't. Don't misunderstand me, I am so grateful for this news. But for weeks now I've been struggling, wondering what's wrong with me; trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do next. You see, I can't go back to who I was before I had cancer because I am not that same person anymore. God changed my life in ways that are so wonderful and miraculous, that when I look back, I don't recognize who I was. I've spent the last two years in "fight" mode, always on, always ready, always waiting. That wasn't so bad because as long I as knew I was in God's will, I knew I was where I was supposed to be. So I then get to this point I've been waiting on for the last two years, and I don't know how to handle it. I'm not the old Kacey, and I'm not the sick, fighter Kacey, so now what? I didn't see this coming. And I still don't know what to do about it. It's like learning how to do something I've known how to do all my life, but all of a sudden I'm at a loss for how to do it. It's been two years and when I write the word cancer I still get a stabbing feeling in the pit of my stomach, like it's hard to believe I've really been going through this. I'm in a new place and I'm waiting on the Lord to show me what to do next. Maybe that's part of it...I've spent two years constantly seeking, constantly praying, constantly finding direction and now I feel lost. But Psalm 37:7 says, "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him". So I am trying to rest and not feel anxious. I am waiting on my next assignment from Him. I am trying not to let fear creep in. I am trying to understand why my tears flow more often and easier than they did before. I am trying to understand why my heart may feel broken on some days and not really know why. And I am trying to celebrate because if there's one thing I do know, it's that I have reason to celebrate!
So I went back to what I've learned and I find rest in this. I'd like to use my favorite chapter in the Bible to share why I believe this must be a time of rest. I have been weary, but during these last two years I have learned so much about God and who He is, and I thirst and hunger and long to know more. He deserves so much glory and praise because He has been so amazing. His word says He never leaves us or forsakes us, and I can tell you that it's true. God never moves. He walks before, beside, and behind us. That's what He's done for me, too. And all along the way He's given me blessings and gifts that I would never have dreamed of. I've experienced things I never thought possible - that peace that surpasses all understanding, the undeniable presence of God, guidance when making decisions, and lots and lots of blessings along the way to show me who He is and tell me that He is in control and I'm right where I need to be. I've learned how to talk to Him and call upon Him all throughout my day. I've learned to look for Him everywhere in all things. I've learned to ask for opportunities to show me new things or for me to share Him with others. I've learned about how important it is to show grace and kindness in a world where there's not much of it sometimes. I've learned that God's mercies are new every morning. I've learned to pray specifically. I've learned why we should take one day at a time. Psalm 91:2 says "I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust." I've learned how to fight with my sword of faith, which is in my Lord. Psalm 91:4-5 says, "He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night...". I love this verse because during my journey, there were many nights that terror would set in and the only place I had to leave it was with the Lord. So it's wonderful to know that the gripping fear that can overtake us in the night when all is still and silent, and when no one else is awake to help you, God is there taking it from you and hiding you under His feathers. Psalm 91:7 says, "A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you"; so I've learned to let God fight my battles because He is much better at it than I am. Psalm 91:11 says, "For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways." Wow, do I love this verse! God has allowed me to see an angel and feel that powerful, peaceful feeling of an angel's charge over me. That feeling is indescribable. Psalm 91:15 says, "He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble." So I am calling upon Him and asking Him to show me what to do now. I think I've been so close to Him over the last two years that there's a little fear of losing some of that. But again, God never moves and I tell myself that. He loves me. He sent His son to die for me because He thought I was worth it. Micah 7:8 says, "Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; when I fall, I will arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me"! He is my light and I love Him with all of my being. I might not have seen this coming, but He did. He planned it. This has been a hard blog for me to write because it's hard getting out all these feelings to you when I don't understand some of them myself. But I believe God wanted me to share this because this is real and this is life and it's okay to not understand it and to need rest from it. So for now, I am going to rest in the shadow of the Almighty and be covered with His feathers, after all, He is Almighty God!
I love you all,
Kacey
A few weeks ago I found out that I was finally on the road to recovery from cancer. I've been fighting now for two years and could not wait for the day I would hear the words, "you are doing great and are finally on the road to recovery". I thought I would jump up and down and celebrate and feel an overwhelming sense of relief....but I didn't. Don't misunderstand me, I am so grateful for this news. But for weeks now I've been struggling, wondering what's wrong with me; trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do next. You see, I can't go back to who I was before I had cancer because I am not that same person anymore. God changed my life in ways that are so wonderful and miraculous, that when I look back, I don't recognize who I was. I've spent the last two years in "fight" mode, always on, always ready, always waiting. That wasn't so bad because as long I as knew I was in God's will, I knew I was where I was supposed to be. So I then get to this point I've been waiting on for the last two years, and I don't know how to handle it. I'm not the old Kacey, and I'm not the sick, fighter Kacey, so now what? I didn't see this coming. And I still don't know what to do about it. It's like learning how to do something I've known how to do all my life, but all of a sudden I'm at a loss for how to do it. It's been two years and when I write the word cancer I still get a stabbing feeling in the pit of my stomach, like it's hard to believe I've really been going through this. I'm in a new place and I'm waiting on the Lord to show me what to do next. Maybe that's part of it...I've spent two years constantly seeking, constantly praying, constantly finding direction and now I feel lost. But Psalm 37:7 says, "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him". So I am trying to rest and not feel anxious. I am waiting on my next assignment from Him. I am trying not to let fear creep in. I am trying to understand why my tears flow more often and easier than they did before. I am trying to understand why my heart may feel broken on some days and not really know why. And I am trying to celebrate because if there's one thing I do know, it's that I have reason to celebrate!
So I went back to what I've learned and I find rest in this. I'd like to use my favorite chapter in the Bible to share why I believe this must be a time of rest. I have been weary, but during these last two years I have learned so much about God and who He is, and I thirst and hunger and long to know more. He deserves so much glory and praise because He has been so amazing. His word says He never leaves us or forsakes us, and I can tell you that it's true. God never moves. He walks before, beside, and behind us. That's what He's done for me, too. And all along the way He's given me blessings and gifts that I would never have dreamed of. I've experienced things I never thought possible - that peace that surpasses all understanding, the undeniable presence of God, guidance when making decisions, and lots and lots of blessings along the way to show me who He is and tell me that He is in control and I'm right where I need to be. I've learned how to talk to Him and call upon Him all throughout my day. I've learned to look for Him everywhere in all things. I've learned to ask for opportunities to show me new things or for me to share Him with others. I've learned about how important it is to show grace and kindness in a world where there's not much of it sometimes. I've learned that God's mercies are new every morning. I've learned to pray specifically. I've learned why we should take one day at a time. Psalm 91:2 says "I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust." I've learned how to fight with my sword of faith, which is in my Lord. Psalm 91:4-5 says, "He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night...". I love this verse because during my journey, there were many nights that terror would set in and the only place I had to leave it was with the Lord. So it's wonderful to know that the gripping fear that can overtake us in the night when all is still and silent, and when no one else is awake to help you, God is there taking it from you and hiding you under His feathers. Psalm 91:7 says, "A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you"; so I've learned to let God fight my battles because He is much better at it than I am. Psalm 91:11 says, "For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways." Wow, do I love this verse! God has allowed me to see an angel and feel that powerful, peaceful feeling of an angel's charge over me. That feeling is indescribable. Psalm 91:15 says, "He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble." So I am calling upon Him and asking Him to show me what to do now. I think I've been so close to Him over the last two years that there's a little fear of losing some of that. But again, God never moves and I tell myself that. He loves me. He sent His son to die for me because He thought I was worth it. Micah 7:8 says, "Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; when I fall, I will arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me"! He is my light and I love Him with all of my being. I might not have seen this coming, but He did. He planned it. This has been a hard blog for me to write because it's hard getting out all these feelings to you when I don't understand some of them myself. But I believe God wanted me to share this because this is real and this is life and it's okay to not understand it and to need rest from it. So for now, I am going to rest in the shadow of the Almighty and be covered with His feathers, after all, He is Almighty God!
I love you all,
Kacey
Saturday, August 24, 2013
A Revelation From God
Hello to everyone! It's been a while since I've written, but in this time God has revealed much. There is a song that I love that says, "Watch what my God can do, Watch what my God can do for you; You may face some situations, some trials or tribulations, but, watch what my God can do." I love this song and I especially love the BUT in the middle because yes, we may face trials and tribulations and difficult situations BUT just watch and wait and see what God's gonna do about it. I think the last time I wrote I had been given the wonderful news that my estrogen level was finally where it needed to be. It was 7 and that was, and is, great news. But I'd like to share how God revealed the whole story of this situation for me. He didn't do it the first moment I heard my level was a 7. He waited until just the right moment on just the right day at just the right time so that I would be able to fully comprehend the magnitude of His power. Let me share.
First, let me share that the number 7 biblically means "perfection" or "completion". The number 8 biblically means "new beginnings". Eight is 7+1, which means completion plus one, or a new beginning. When God destroyed the earth by flood, eight people stepped off the arc to create a new beginning of a new world. There are many examples in the Bible, but these are two that help me understand what God revealed to me.
When any kind of blood work or testing is done for me, it goes to all of my doctors to keep them updated on my journey. So we were on vacation when the first 7 came in. In case you don't know, my estrogen levels are supposed to be 32 or below, but my levels were coming in between 78 and 179. So to get this 7 was amazing and wonderful! When my doctor called we were on top of a mountain on vacation and to receive a perfect 7 on top of the mountain was an extraordinary feeling. But what I want to share is what God revealed to me later that not only confirmed His presence, but also gave me a peace and an understanding of healing deep within my soul.
We got home from vacation and had a bill in the mail from my oncologist that reminded me that his office, in addition to my surgeon's office, had drawn my blood for an estrogen level. I had forgotten my oncologist drew blood for a level. Then it all came together for me because this is what God showed me. I received the 88 while sitting in the valley of the mountains. I didn't know then that God was actually telling me I was about to experience a new beginning. Unbeknownst to me, He was preparing my heart for the perfect, complete 7 that I was about to receive up on that beautiful mountaintop. So see, God gave me a new beginning in the valley and then waited for me to reach the top of the mountain before receiving the perfect 7! It was such an amazing moment to realize just how God was in control of this whole thing. I am learning every day that our lives are planned right down to the last detail. This revelation astounded me, that God would reveal this in such a way as this. What's more, and most astonishing is the undeniable gift of knowing I had been healed that God gave me in that moment. I felt such a warm, quiet peace fall over me. It was like a gentle wind that blows outside that we might not notice if we don't stand still long enough to feel it. I felt it from my head to my toes. I praise Him for this gift and for this feeling of His presence and for His healing and for His peace that truly does surpass all understanding.
Last week, my doctor wanted to do another level to "be sure". I just knew there was no need for it. When God speaks and you truly hear Him there is no room left for doubt and fear. But I obliged and had my blood drawn again. Here's what happened. There are two different hormones they check for estrogen to combine and make up a total. The first time one hormone was 1 and one was 6 for a total of 7. This time - now wait for it and get ready - one hormone was 2 and the other was 5 for another total of 7. There's no need to check it again, but I just know that next time it would be another combination to equal 7. Hallelujah! This can only be God and I am so thankful that He not only did this, but He also revealed it to me in this way.
I talk a lot about the valleys and mountains and deserts that I've faced through this journey and I think it is so amazing that He would use the valley and the mountain to reveal such healing to me. It makes me realize that God cares about every single thing that we face, from something big to something small. I also realized that God takes great pleasure in our happiness. He didn't have to make all these pieces fall into place for me this way, but He did. And I really believe that when I got it - when I really, really got it, He was smiling because He knew I recognized the gift. I love Him and I praise Him for all that He is and does. I want to shout from the rooftops and run down the streets and tell of Jesus and His love and sacrifice. His presence is always beside us. His angels are always around us. I could never praise Him and thank Him enough for all that He does, but I will try. The very best way I can describe how I feel and how I know I'm healed is to say that He touched me, He healed me, He gave me confirmation and it is well with my soul.
I love you all,
Kacey
First, let me share that the number 7 biblically means "perfection" or "completion". The number 8 biblically means "new beginnings". Eight is 7+1, which means completion plus one, or a new beginning. When God destroyed the earth by flood, eight people stepped off the arc to create a new beginning of a new world. There are many examples in the Bible, but these are two that help me understand what God revealed to me.
When any kind of blood work or testing is done for me, it goes to all of my doctors to keep them updated on my journey. So we were on vacation when the first 7 came in. In case you don't know, my estrogen levels are supposed to be 32 or below, but my levels were coming in between 78 and 179. So to get this 7 was amazing and wonderful! When my doctor called we were on top of a mountain on vacation and to receive a perfect 7 on top of the mountain was an extraordinary feeling. But what I want to share is what God revealed to me later that not only confirmed His presence, but also gave me a peace and an understanding of healing deep within my soul.
We got home from vacation and had a bill in the mail from my oncologist that reminded me that his office, in addition to my surgeon's office, had drawn my blood for an estrogen level. I had forgotten my oncologist drew blood for a level. Then it all came together for me because this is what God showed me. I received the 88 while sitting in the valley of the mountains. I didn't know then that God was actually telling me I was about to experience a new beginning. Unbeknownst to me, He was preparing my heart for the perfect, complete 7 that I was about to receive up on that beautiful mountaintop. So see, God gave me a new beginning in the valley and then waited for me to reach the top of the mountain before receiving the perfect 7! It was such an amazing moment to realize just how God was in control of this whole thing. I am learning every day that our lives are planned right down to the last detail. This revelation astounded me, that God would reveal this in such a way as this. What's more, and most astonishing is the undeniable gift of knowing I had been healed that God gave me in that moment. I felt such a warm, quiet peace fall over me. It was like a gentle wind that blows outside that we might not notice if we don't stand still long enough to feel it. I felt it from my head to my toes. I praise Him for this gift and for this feeling of His presence and for His healing and for His peace that truly does surpass all understanding.
Last week, my doctor wanted to do another level to "be sure". I just knew there was no need for it. When God speaks and you truly hear Him there is no room left for doubt and fear. But I obliged and had my blood drawn again. Here's what happened. There are two different hormones they check for estrogen to combine and make up a total. The first time one hormone was 1 and one was 6 for a total of 7. This time - now wait for it and get ready - one hormone was 2 and the other was 5 for another total of 7. There's no need to check it again, but I just know that next time it would be another combination to equal 7. Hallelujah! This can only be God and I am so thankful that He not only did this, but He also revealed it to me in this way.
I talk a lot about the valleys and mountains and deserts that I've faced through this journey and I think it is so amazing that He would use the valley and the mountain to reveal such healing to me. It makes me realize that God cares about every single thing that we face, from something big to something small. I also realized that God takes great pleasure in our happiness. He didn't have to make all these pieces fall into place for me this way, but He did. And I really believe that when I got it - when I really, really got it, He was smiling because He knew I recognized the gift. I love Him and I praise Him for all that He is and does. I want to shout from the rooftops and run down the streets and tell of Jesus and His love and sacrifice. His presence is always beside us. His angels are always around us. I could never praise Him and thank Him enough for all that He does, but I will try. The very best way I can describe how I feel and how I know I'm healed is to say that He touched me, He healed me, He gave me confirmation and it is well with my soul.
I love you all,
Kacey
Monday, July 22, 2013
What a Mighty God We Serve!
Oh, I have so much to tell...so much to share...so much to thank God and Praise Him for! My estrogen level is 7!! Yes, I said 7! It has gone from 179 to 7 and the only way to explain this, is God! And the significance of the number 7 did not slip by me either. The number 7 is perfection, so God allowed me to feel His presence all over this news!
Me and Alan and the boys were on vacation last week, so I haven't been home to share and I made my family promise not to! I couldn't wait to tell of this news and show you just how much your prayers work! The Bible tells us in James 5:16 "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man prevails much." (NKJV) I love this! He hears our prayers. He heard my cries. He saw my brokenness. You heard it, too, and you prayed for me. Thank you seems too little to say, but I thank you and I love you all for praying for me.
Several weeks ago, you may remember me telling you of a day where I broke down and fell apart. I literally fell on my face and cried out to Jesus for help, for relief, for peace. Since my journey with breast cancer started, there have been many days where I've fallen apart. But not like this day. Likewise, there have been many days where I have felt the brush of angels so strongly it was as if I could fly right along with them. But not like this past week. So to say there have been good days and bad days is an understatement, but when I broke down a few weeks ago it was different. I crumbled and poured out every feeling in my being and laid them at the feet of Jesus. I felt so tired, so frustrated, so scared of what was to come. In case you don't know, my cancer was estrogen positive and after two attempts at a hysterectomy, my estrogen levels were so high that it was certain an ovary was missed. The last estrogen level taken came back at 179 and the level is supposed to be lower than 32. It was at this point that I didn't know what was to come so I just had to stand. Ephesians 6:10-13 tells us to "be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God....and having done all, to stand." (NJKV) Well, after I crumbled, I picked myself up and stood. It wasn't easy this time either. I had trouble finding my peace and my balance. But I eventually was able to cry out to the Lord and lay it down. Then I was able to stand.
My blood level was drawn again just before we went on vacation. Alan and the boys and I were truly able to rest and relax. I had made my choice to give it up and stand, so I left it alone (as best as I can as a human, and I'm still working on it). Several days into the vacation my doctor called and told me my estrogen level was back, but I missed her call. So, I called my oncologist and asked them for the results. They told me the level was 88, which was still too high and still left me out in the middle of nowhere land. I tried to put it aside and began praying that I would be able to just leave it alone, that I knew God had a plan for me. Several hours later my doctor called me back and said she had the level. She told me it was 7!! After some confusion I was able to really hear her words and just began weeping and praising Him because I know that I know that God fixed this level and made it right. This also means that my medicine, which I thought had not been working, is working. Therefore, I have been protected from a recurrence of cancer. Praise the Lord!
There are three things I would like to share with you that had such significance to me while on this vacation. There is a place called the Chimneys in Gatlinburg and I've spoken of it before. It's a place where a river runs down a mountain over rocks that are huge and rocks that are small; some rocks are smooth and some are very jagged and rough. There are so many trees and they are tall and it makes this place so shady and cool. But the river that runs down this mountain is loud - so loud that you are overwhelmed by it, yet it offers such peace. So when I found out this news, I told Alan that we must get to the Chimneys. So we went and I immediately felt the presence of God. There is nothing that man can ever create or build or make that will ever compare to the raw beauty given to us freely by God. We got out of our car and walked down through some trees and rocks and made it to the water. It was there that I noticed my own tears. It was there that I noticed the random white flowers blooming in the midst of big, looming rocks and a fast current of water. It was there that I noticed the absolute jubilation of my family's faces as they threw rocks and put their feet in the cold water. The air here is crisp and fresh and the sun shining through the trees is a bright, heavenly gift that shines light only in certain places. It was here that I was able to fall again at the feet of Jesus in thankfulness and praise. It was here that I felt close enough to Him to touch Him or to look for Him amidst the water and the sun and the trees. I realized that He didn't have to create a place such as this for us. If He had made the whole world dark and ugly we would never have known the difference. But He didn't...He made it magnificent and lovely and overwhelmingly beautiful. I made A LOT of pictures just trying to capture on film what I was feeling in my heart...what the Lord was allowing me to experience with Him in that moment. It says in Psalm 46 that "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though its waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with its swelling; There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God...God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved. God shall help her just at the break of dawn." (NKJV) Amen! This is what I felt. This river would not be moved and it made me realize that God is in the midst - always!
Another place on this vacation is a cross. It's a huge cross that can be seen all over the city no matter which way you look. I wanted to try and get to this cross. We made it! We climbed the hills and got to the foot of this cross and it was amazing! I immediately thought "There's room at the cross for you, Though millions have come, there's still room for one, Yes there's room at the cross for you." I felt Him there, too, telling me that yes, I was only one person, but there was room there for me. There's room there for you, too! There's always room at the cross. So it was here that I was able to think about all Jesus went through to die upon that cross for me and you. It was here that I could see His nail-scarred hands and feet, and see the thorn of crowns upon His head. But it was also here that I was able to know that He was no longer on that cross, that He had risen and was alive! He has changed my life in so many ways, but I was reminded that He died on that cross to not only save the lost, but He rose again and is the same yesterday, today and forever. It was here that I found a renewed sense of peace. Because see, we went to the cross before I got the drastic news of the estrogen level. So when I was at the foot of that cross, I felt I was truly able to lay my burdens down. It was such an amazing moment.
The third place we visited were some cabins and condominiums. We love to look at different places so we had someone take us into a few to view. The last two places he showed us were on the very top of the mountain, and standing outside on the balcony of this place was the most incredible view. We were surrounded by mountains all around and it was literally breathtaking. As we were finishing up, the man that showed us these places asked me and Alan if we ever bought a place would we want one on the top of a mountain or in the valley. Alan and I answered at the same time with Alan saying on top of the mountain and me saying in the valley. I even surprised myself by this answer. I always thought it would be on top, but I believe I felt in my spirit that I liked the valley better. Now, this may sound strange and I know I write about this often, but I am trying to learn how to cope in each of the different places God puts us in. It is here that we see the different ways God is in control, whether we feel we are "on top of the world" or in the lowly valley. I realized that I now know what it is to feel safety in the valley.
The last thing I would like to share actually happened before we went on vacation. I don't know if you remember me talking about Mr. Fred. He was a man that walked into the oncologist office one day when I was at my lowest moment. He didn't know me. He didn't even hold a conversation with me personally that day. But he spoke to the couple beside us, and when he got up to go back for his treatment, spoke to the entire waiting room. He said that even though he was there for treatment, he was superb because of all that Jesus had done for him so far. He said that he had been in a place where he couldn't walk and was in a wheelchair, but "look at me now" he said, and he danced across the floor to the nurse. I was so impacted by him that day. I knew the Lord had sent him in there to lift me up. A few weeks later I found out that a friend actually knew him and his family. I got to go visit Mr. Fred and Ms. Doris in their home and what a wonderful, hallelujah worship time we had. Well, I learned a couple of weeks ago that Mr. Fred had gone on to be with the Lord. I will pray for his family and ask that you do, too; but I heard that his home-going was a mighty worship time. Although it saddened me for us here on earth to be without such a Godly, inspirational man, I couldn't help but smile when I thought of how Heaven must have felt when he walked through those gates. Mr. Fred was superb in spite of his trials because he had the love of Jesus in him and all around him. I was around him on only two separate occasions and he impacted my life. I can't imagine what an impact he had on those who knew him well. What a witness he was and will continue to be. So I tell you this to ask you to pray for his family, but also to say that it's true what the word says about entertaining angels unaware. We never know who's going to cross our path, and this week God heard my brokenness and healed me!! I want you to know that I'm not just praising God this week because of this healing, but I'm praising Him because I was reminded in a big, big way that not only can God move mountains and make rivers flow and allow us to feel safety in the valley, He let me stand on the top of those mountains and in the middle of that river and at the foot of that cross to show me what a mighty God He is!
I love you all,
Kacey
Me and Alan and the boys were on vacation last week, so I haven't been home to share and I made my family promise not to! I couldn't wait to tell of this news and show you just how much your prayers work! The Bible tells us in James 5:16 "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man prevails much." (NKJV) I love this! He hears our prayers. He heard my cries. He saw my brokenness. You heard it, too, and you prayed for me. Thank you seems too little to say, but I thank you and I love you all for praying for me.
Several weeks ago, you may remember me telling you of a day where I broke down and fell apart. I literally fell on my face and cried out to Jesus for help, for relief, for peace. Since my journey with breast cancer started, there have been many days where I've fallen apart. But not like this day. Likewise, there have been many days where I have felt the brush of angels so strongly it was as if I could fly right along with them. But not like this past week. So to say there have been good days and bad days is an understatement, but when I broke down a few weeks ago it was different. I crumbled and poured out every feeling in my being and laid them at the feet of Jesus. I felt so tired, so frustrated, so scared of what was to come. In case you don't know, my cancer was estrogen positive and after two attempts at a hysterectomy, my estrogen levels were so high that it was certain an ovary was missed. The last estrogen level taken came back at 179 and the level is supposed to be lower than 32. It was at this point that I didn't know what was to come so I just had to stand. Ephesians 6:10-13 tells us to "be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God....and having done all, to stand." (NJKV) Well, after I crumbled, I picked myself up and stood. It wasn't easy this time either. I had trouble finding my peace and my balance. But I eventually was able to cry out to the Lord and lay it down. Then I was able to stand.
My blood level was drawn again just before we went on vacation. Alan and the boys and I were truly able to rest and relax. I had made my choice to give it up and stand, so I left it alone (as best as I can as a human, and I'm still working on it). Several days into the vacation my doctor called and told me my estrogen level was back, but I missed her call. So, I called my oncologist and asked them for the results. They told me the level was 88, which was still too high and still left me out in the middle of nowhere land. I tried to put it aside and began praying that I would be able to just leave it alone, that I knew God had a plan for me. Several hours later my doctor called me back and said she had the level. She told me it was 7!! After some confusion I was able to really hear her words and just began weeping and praising Him because I know that I know that God fixed this level and made it right. This also means that my medicine, which I thought had not been working, is working. Therefore, I have been protected from a recurrence of cancer. Praise the Lord!
There are three things I would like to share with you that had such significance to me while on this vacation. There is a place called the Chimneys in Gatlinburg and I've spoken of it before. It's a place where a river runs down a mountain over rocks that are huge and rocks that are small; some rocks are smooth and some are very jagged and rough. There are so many trees and they are tall and it makes this place so shady and cool. But the river that runs down this mountain is loud - so loud that you are overwhelmed by it, yet it offers such peace. So when I found out this news, I told Alan that we must get to the Chimneys. So we went and I immediately felt the presence of God. There is nothing that man can ever create or build or make that will ever compare to the raw beauty given to us freely by God. We got out of our car and walked down through some trees and rocks and made it to the water. It was there that I noticed my own tears. It was there that I noticed the random white flowers blooming in the midst of big, looming rocks and a fast current of water. It was there that I noticed the absolute jubilation of my family's faces as they threw rocks and put their feet in the cold water. The air here is crisp and fresh and the sun shining through the trees is a bright, heavenly gift that shines light only in certain places. It was here that I was able to fall again at the feet of Jesus in thankfulness and praise. It was here that I felt close enough to Him to touch Him or to look for Him amidst the water and the sun and the trees. I realized that He didn't have to create a place such as this for us. If He had made the whole world dark and ugly we would never have known the difference. But He didn't...He made it magnificent and lovely and overwhelmingly beautiful. I made A LOT of pictures just trying to capture on film what I was feeling in my heart...what the Lord was allowing me to experience with Him in that moment. It says in Psalm 46 that "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though its waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with its swelling; There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God...God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved. God shall help her just at the break of dawn." (NKJV) Amen! This is what I felt. This river would not be moved and it made me realize that God is in the midst - always!
Another place on this vacation is a cross. It's a huge cross that can be seen all over the city no matter which way you look. I wanted to try and get to this cross. We made it! We climbed the hills and got to the foot of this cross and it was amazing! I immediately thought "There's room at the cross for you, Though millions have come, there's still room for one, Yes there's room at the cross for you." I felt Him there, too, telling me that yes, I was only one person, but there was room there for me. There's room there for you, too! There's always room at the cross. So it was here that I was able to think about all Jesus went through to die upon that cross for me and you. It was here that I could see His nail-scarred hands and feet, and see the thorn of crowns upon His head. But it was also here that I was able to know that He was no longer on that cross, that He had risen and was alive! He has changed my life in so many ways, but I was reminded that He died on that cross to not only save the lost, but He rose again and is the same yesterday, today and forever. It was here that I found a renewed sense of peace. Because see, we went to the cross before I got the drastic news of the estrogen level. So when I was at the foot of that cross, I felt I was truly able to lay my burdens down. It was such an amazing moment.
The third place we visited were some cabins and condominiums. We love to look at different places so we had someone take us into a few to view. The last two places he showed us were on the very top of the mountain, and standing outside on the balcony of this place was the most incredible view. We were surrounded by mountains all around and it was literally breathtaking. As we were finishing up, the man that showed us these places asked me and Alan if we ever bought a place would we want one on the top of a mountain or in the valley. Alan and I answered at the same time with Alan saying on top of the mountain and me saying in the valley. I even surprised myself by this answer. I always thought it would be on top, but I believe I felt in my spirit that I liked the valley better. Now, this may sound strange and I know I write about this often, but I am trying to learn how to cope in each of the different places God puts us in. It is here that we see the different ways God is in control, whether we feel we are "on top of the world" or in the lowly valley. I realized that I now know what it is to feel safety in the valley.
The last thing I would like to share actually happened before we went on vacation. I don't know if you remember me talking about Mr. Fred. He was a man that walked into the oncologist office one day when I was at my lowest moment. He didn't know me. He didn't even hold a conversation with me personally that day. But he spoke to the couple beside us, and when he got up to go back for his treatment, spoke to the entire waiting room. He said that even though he was there for treatment, he was superb because of all that Jesus had done for him so far. He said that he had been in a place where he couldn't walk and was in a wheelchair, but "look at me now" he said, and he danced across the floor to the nurse. I was so impacted by him that day. I knew the Lord had sent him in there to lift me up. A few weeks later I found out that a friend actually knew him and his family. I got to go visit Mr. Fred and Ms. Doris in their home and what a wonderful, hallelujah worship time we had. Well, I learned a couple of weeks ago that Mr. Fred had gone on to be with the Lord. I will pray for his family and ask that you do, too; but I heard that his home-going was a mighty worship time. Although it saddened me for us here on earth to be without such a Godly, inspirational man, I couldn't help but smile when I thought of how Heaven must have felt when he walked through those gates. Mr. Fred was superb in spite of his trials because he had the love of Jesus in him and all around him. I was around him on only two separate occasions and he impacted my life. I can't imagine what an impact he had on those who knew him well. What a witness he was and will continue to be. So I tell you this to ask you to pray for his family, but also to say that it's true what the word says about entertaining angels unaware. We never know who's going to cross our path, and this week God heard my brokenness and healed me!! I want you to know that I'm not just praising God this week because of this healing, but I'm praising Him because I was reminded in a big, big way that not only can God move mountains and make rivers flow and allow us to feel safety in the valley, He let me stand on the top of those mountains and in the middle of that river and at the foot of that cross to show me what a mighty God He is!
I love you all,
Kacey
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