The SON Shines!

 From the rising of the sun to its setting, 

the name of the Lord is to be praised.  

Psalm 113:3

The sun did not shine this morning. It was dreary and cloudy and foggy and rainy. It's funny how the weather sometimes matches our mood. I wasn't in a bad mood, but I was feeling a little anxious. You see, earlier this week, I had an appointment to get my yearly mammogram. For those of you that don't know, I was diagnosed with breast cancer nine years ago, ten years this November. So, going in for a mammogram is always a little stressful. Doctors say that the ten year mark is a very big deal, but in all honesty, on Wednesday I was just going about my day thinking I would be in and out of the office, no trouble - just something that had to be done. After all, I was almost to the ten year mark. I was fine. Let's get this over with and go have lunch! That pretty much sums up my thinking and my attitude on Wednesday, with just the slightest hint of anxiety.

My appointment on Wednesday was late in the day - the last patient. Normally, I don't do this because if other tests need to be done, I like to have enough time to do them. But I took this appointment because it was the soonest one they had. I get my mammogram done and the girl told me I would hear from my doctor. Usually, I wait around for the radiologist to read it so I know the results before I leave. They didn't want me to do that. I know they were trying to get out of there and go home, but I insisted they let me stay until the films were read. I wish I hadn't. The girl came out and told me they saw something that needed more attention and I would need more tests. They couldn't do them that afternoon, nor the next day. They had Friday morning - today - which meant I had to wait the rest of Wednesday and all day and night Thursday. The waiting truly is the worst part. The not knowing. But I fumbled through those two days and did pretty good. I hadn't felt anything abnormal, and I found the first lump, so I kept telling myself this over and over. 

I will tell you that I do not believe in coincidences. I call them Godincidences because He is involved in every detail of our lives, no matter how big or small. Luke 12:6-7 says, "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows." So it is no coincidence that we are studying the book of Job in Sunday School at church. It's a Godincidence. I've studied the beginning of this book for the last two days, going deep into the word trying to understand the depths of Job's loss and his despair. He lost everything, including his ten children. He was sick and covered in boils from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. But the lesson this week centered on hope - having hope in the midst of our tragedies and the circumstances that seem to be too much. It is not revealed in whole about why God allowed these things to happen to Job. It remains one of the mysteries of God. Isaiah 55:8-9 tells us, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." So this tells us that God is in control and He has HIs reasons as to why things happen the way they do. But for me, I also believe that Job was used as an example to us - to show us how to withstand the things that come into our lives - to show us to never blame God but always have hope and faith in Him. We must not ever lose our faith. I'll tell you in a minute how this helped me today.

But let me get back to my appointment this morning. A diagnostic mammogram was ordered to look deeper into what they saw on Tuesday. An ultrasound was also ordered, but only if needed. So I get my favorite girl today. She's been with me over the last ten years of this journey, and with my mom before me. She knows us. She knows how we think. She cares. Deeply. She does everything in her power to put our minds at ease at each appointment. She started by saying that she had a hard time seeing what they saw on Tuesday, which is good. She took the pictures, put my mind at ease and I was good. I waited while she took the films to the radiologist, and I honestly did not think an ultrasound would be needed. It was. I kept thinking, "Lord, am I going to go back down this road?" 

The girl came and got me for the ultrasound, and although I was a little anxious, I also know that they are overly cautious, and I love that they are. She's doing the mammogram and then tells me she's going to take some pictures under my arm and then she'll be done. This is where the fear just almost overtook me. I know enough to know that when they do an ultrasound under your arm, they are checking your lymph nodes. They've never done that before, so I had to work really hard to remain as calm as possible. She took the films to the radiologist  and said she'd be right back. Here's what I know about that time she was gone: 

It was 8 minutes - I checked the time at 4 minutes and then 2 and then 2 more. 

There were 9 cabinets in that room.

There were only 2 lights on.

There was a very busy picture on the wall that had only 3 red flowers in it.

There were 3 things in the ceiling that blinked a red light every 3 seconds.

There was a bug trapped in the florescent light above me.

I thought about Job. I thanked God for Job. I thanked Him for giving us that book of the Bible and that although I was so sad for him and what he had to endure, I was so thankful that I had his example of how not to lose faith and hope. You see, for a time Job thought death had the final say. We - those of us that know Jesus as our personal Savior - we know death is the beginning of eternity with our Risen Lord. Hallelujah! 

These thoughts kept me from going down the "what if" road. It kept me sane and it kept my eyes on Jesus. It wasn't easy. I was scared. I thought about how quickly - 8 minutes in this case - our lives can so drastically change. But I did know deep in the depths of my soul that even though things could change in an instant, God was there in that room with me. I knew He was standing by that bed, holding my hand, waiting for me to get the results. 

The place they found was a cluster of fluid filled, benign cysts that is nothing to worry about. I praise God for this news. I thank Him for His mercy and His grace. I will say that had the results been different, I know He would have walked the road with me again. I'm relieved that I don't have to. But I am always, always grateful for these moments. As hard as they are, as scary as they are, I learn so much. My life is in His hands. James 4:14 says, "....You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." That is how fragile this life is. But I am so thankful that eternity is forever. "There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light, and they will reign for ever and ever." Revelation 22:5

So the sun was not shining this morning. It was dreary and foggy and cloudy and rainy. But for me, 2 Samuel 23:4 came to life. It says, "He dawns on them like the morning light, like the sun shining forth on a cloudless morning, like rain that makes grass to sprout from the earth." God was shining down on me and I give Him all glory and all honor and all praise. But the one thing I learned from Him this week and today, is that He shines on us no matter our circumstances. He loves us that much. So the sun didn't shine this morning, but the SON? He did!

I love you all,

Kacey

Be Encouraged

"For the Vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail; though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay."

Habakkuk 2:3

The picture of this cross took my breath away. It looks as if angels have attached their wings upon it. To me, this picture of the cross encompasses not only that Jesus died for us, but it also reminded me of Psalm 91:11-12, "For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up..." (NKJV). It's a powerful, beautiful reminder of our God - what He's capable of, what He does for us, and how much He loves us.

I've tried for weeks to write this blog. Honestly, I sat down to write it on Inauguration day, but the words just wouldn't come. Well, the words came, but they were my words, not God's words. I always try to write when I feel the Lord speaking through me, making sure I'm sharing what He's put on my heart to you and to me. I believe He speaks through me, so I only want to write His words, not mine. But that day and several days after, all the words were my own. I was upset. I was angry. I was heartbroken. I was afraid. But then I heard the Lord say, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV). I knew then that the enemy had taken over, so I regrouped. I went to my knees and sought God. He took me first to the verse above in Habakkuk 2:3 "For the Vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail; though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay." After God gave me this verse, I've just been letting it stir in my heart. I've been listening and trying to hear what God is telling me.

I know I may lose some of you at this point because this topic seems political; but I ask that you keep on reading because I believe it's much more than that. It's not political. It's spiritual. It's about what God has called us to do. It's about His word. I believe it is time for us to take a stand, to call good as good and evil for evil - to point out what vehemently goes against His word. God has not called us to be silent. He has not called us to sit back and let the enemy destroy, or get a foothold in our lives and in our churches. He's called us to speak up for Him, for His word.

It's no secret if you know me that I want our President to be President Trump. I believe he is our President, and I believe this election was stolen. I know that sounds crazy because Biden is in office. I've even made sure that I am not following man, because it's important that we never follow man, but that we follow God. But I believe that God chose Donald Trump for such a time as this. I believe God put him in office to do His work and I don't think He's finished with him yet. This doesn't mean that I love everything about him as a person. He has flaws - we all do. He is not perfect - none of us are. I won't list all of the positive things he's done for America. You can look it up. The list is too long to put here. But the Bible tells us we are to judge only by the fruits of the spirit, nothing else. I see a change in him. I see his love of country and his love for Americans, but I now also see a love for Jesus. 

Why am I saying all of this? It does seem like I am going around the world, but this is a hard topic that God has laid on my heart. The things I have seen take place from the Biden administration - the abortion laws allowing us to kill our babies; bringing homosexuality into the forefront and making it seem okay; allowing men to use women's bathrooms; appointing a transgender as Assistant Health Secretary - all of these things go completely and totally against the word of God. We are not supposed to sit by in silence and allow this to happen! Keep praying. Don't give up. The very second we give up or let Satan give us one shred of doubt, he pounces on us. Rebuke him in the name of Jesus! Cry out to God to save our land. Storm the courts of Heaven and pray against these things happening today that go against God's word.

I come to you today with a word of hope and encouragement. God is not done. God never goes back on His promises. His word does not come back to us void. Make no mistake, we are in a spiritual battle unlike we've ever seen. This is not about Republican versus Democrat. This is about good versus evil. We are in a spiritual battle and it's time for us to rise up! Psalm 27:3 says, "Though an army besiege me, My heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident." (NIV) We are confident because "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31 (NIV) Be confident in your prayers. Be confident in your hearts. God is not happy when He sees things taking place in our country that goes against His word. He tells us in His word that where two or more are gathered, He will be there with us. There are millions of us praying for our country. 

I will close with this. Deuteronomy 20:9 says, "For the Lord your God is the One who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory". (NIV) He's with us, friends. He's fighting for us. His ways and His thoughts are higher than ours. It may seem bleak right now, but remember all that God has given up for us because of His great love for us. This picture of this cross tells the whole story. And the verse God gave me weeks ago....well, it tells the story, too. The vision is at an appointed time, not a specific date. Though it tarries, wait for it because it will surely come. I love this part. God tells us to seek Him and honor Him in all we do. Keep praying. Keep praising Him. Because as Habakkuk says, in the end it will speak and it will not lie. It will not tarry. Press on. Keep your eyes toward Heaven and rely on God's word. He's not done. It will come in such a way that will give all Glory to Him, and it will be perfect. He loves us just that much.

I love you all, 

Kacey

Take My Hand, Lord

He existed before anything else,

and he holds all creation together. 

Colossians 1:17

Today my heart is full. It's an ordinary day where nothing extraordinary has happened. But my heart is so full of Jesus. Do you ever have days where you just feel Him beside you? You may be sitting outside enjoying the sunshine and you feel Him there? Or maybe you've curled up with a good book on this Sunday afternoon and you can feel Him laughing at the funny parts with you. Maybe you feel Him sitting with you as you watch your children play. Maybe you just feel a little lighter today and you're not sure why. It's Him. He's there. This is how I feel today. I feel Him with me. Oh, I know He's always with me because He tells us in His word that he never leaves us or forsakes us. But today, I feel like I could reach out and feel His touch.

I've written the last couple of times on worry and anxiety. I shared with you last time about Alan needing extra hours at work and how God provided those for us. Well, He provided them again this weekend, too. Thank you, Jesus. I was talking with someone at church today about how hard it is to stay up, even when God showed up right on time a week ago. How easy it is to slide back down into the worry pit. I ran across this scripture this week. Psalm 34:4 says, "I sought the Lord and he answered me; He delivered me from all my fears." I love this verse! His promise is that if we seek Him, pray to Him, ask for His help, He will deliver us from our fears. Now, we may need to do this often, but I believe the more we do it, the easier it becomes to release those fears. And then we end up with more days like today...sitting...walking...talking...reading, and we feel Him beside us, and we are freer, lighter, happier. Our hearts are full.

I will share with you that for the last few months I have been asking God to show me what He wants me to do, how He wants me to serve. I have such a passion for people, to make sure everyone hears the gospel. I want so desperately for everyone to experience the blessings and the riches that Jesus has to offer each and every one of us. Sometimes I feel like running outside and asking everybody I see if they know Him. I want to make sure no one misses all the beauty He has to offer us here, on earth, as well as for eternity. I have such a passion in my heart for us to communicate and talk about the things that bother us, the fears and the anxieties, the loneliness, the heartache, the broken relationships, the sadness on days when we see no reason to be sad but we are, the joys, the triumphs, the victories, and I could go on and on. But we need to talk about these things. We need to be there for each other. We need to be the person that says, "I'm here and I care about you". Sometimes we see the outward smile, but on the inside someone is hurting or scared or lonely. 

There have been so many ways God has touched my life - too many to put into words here today. But I want to share them all, because if I do, maybe others will want Him to touch them, too. This is how we spread the good news! Psalm 98:4 says, "Shout to the Lord, all the earth; break out in praise and sing for joy!" Yes! Sing for JOY! 

So today, my heart is full. It's up to us to spread His love and His forgiveness and His salvation. In my devotion one day this week, one sentence jumped out at me more than any other. It's from Jesus Calling and it says, "abandon yourself to Me - My hand is the only thing you can grasp without damaging your soul". 

The verse at the top of this blog is wonderful. God was here before anything else existed and He holds all of creation together. He reaches down to take our hand and we're given the gift of being able to feel His presence. "For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13 

Go ahead and take hold of His hand so your fears can vanish. And while you're grabbing onto Him, give your other hand to someone else. They're waiting on you. 

I love you all,

Kacey

Right on Time!

She is clothed in strength and dignity,

and she laughs without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25

I have a confession to make. This verse is a favorite, but I must confess that I have not been laughing without fear of the future. I have struggled so much over these last couple of months with what I know to do versus what I'm doing. I know that God tells me not to fear, that He does everything for my good, that He is in control, that I should never worry, that I should cast all my burdens on Him. I know these things and I believe with my whole heart that this is exactly what we should do. But what have I been doing? Worrying, fearing, questioning, asking why and what if, and on and on.

I do struggle with fear and anxiety. Part of me thinks it's just the momma and wife in me....fearing for my boys and my husband, their safety, their health, making good and right choices. But I know in my heart that they are not truly mine. They are God's and I just have the privilege of being their momma and Alan's wife. So I am constantly praying over them while I'm praying over releasing my fear and anxiety. It can be quite the vicious cycle. Part of me thinks it's a result of my cancer journey. My doctor tells me that it's very common after cancer to experience an increase in fear and anxiety, almost like PTSD symptoms. Maybe. There was so much good that came, and still comes, from my walk through cancer, and I want the good to outweigh the bad and scary parts. Part of me thinks it's the enemy. The enemy doesn't want me to have so much trust in the Lord that I can honestly laugh without fear of the future. But it's what I want so desperately. I'm a work in progress.

Here's what God did this week to show me He's got it. He has everything under control. I need not worry.

These past couple of months have been a trying time. My parents, along with Alan, the boys and me, share the home we currently live in. There are lots of stairs and lots of shared spaces. We have purchased some land and are building a new house with no stairs and separate living spaces. We all fully can see God's hand in moving us where we are, as well as where we are going. Looking back, you can literally trace His hand over us. I'm so thankful for this confirmation. Well, a few weeks ago, Alan's job stopped overtime hours completely. These are hours he worked to get some extra money in order to pay for the construction of the new home, as well as the home we're in. We didn't think much of it at first because it's happened before. But after a month, they let all employees know that overtime would not be available for a while, if ever. We still did not worry because we were going to approach this differently...we were going to not worry about the future. Then nothing happened. No extra work came, but the bills kept coming. We started getting antsy and worried and distracted. Alan began looking for other work to fill in the gaps, as did I. Just when we were on the brink of being behind, God stepped in! Alan got a job working on Saturday mornings. This is significant because the one prayer we had was that God would not let extra work interfere with Sundays and us going to church. He did it. Then, God opened overtime hours back up for him last week for two days. That may not seem like much, but those two days were right on time. They were perfect. 

I will say that the hours at Alan's job have again been closed. But what did we learn? God opened something up that man said would be closed. We learned that God has us in His hands. He sees our tears and He hears our prayers and He will never, ever let us fall. It might not look the way we want it to, and it might not seem like enough, but for us, it was enough. It was enough to know that God didn't leave us stranded. It was enough, though, to keep us dependent solely upon Him. He's our refuge. He's our help. He's our solace. He's our everything. I was so moved by this lesson He taught us. It's allowed me to rid myself of other anxiety because He has that, too. Well, I'm able to do that today. I'm still a work in progress. We all are. I'm thankful for His patience. I'm thankful for His love. I'm thankful for His provision. I don't know where the next set of hours are coming from. I don't know how we're going to get from this place to the next one...but God does. He only wants me to know that He has a plan for our good. We need only to trust. But for today, and we're supposed to live only one day at a time...so today, this moment, this minute, I can laugh without fear of the future. As for the minutes, hours and days after this one...I'm working on it. 

I love you all,

Kacey

He Amazes Me!

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Exodus 14:14

I'm not sure why it takes me so long to write. I ask the Lord all the time to give me the words, and I guess sometimes I feel like I need to have something big to write about before I can actually write. What I've come to realize is that the Lord gives me something big every day. Every. Day. He gets me up each morning. He blesses me so abundantly that sometimes there are no words. But today I want to try and find those words. I want to talk about the things that weigh me down and the things that lift me up. I believe that if we continue to focus on the things that lift us up, the things that weigh us down won't seem so heavy.

I need to go back to May of last year. May is the month I have a routine mammogram. Since breast cancer, this day in May is a little stressful. I get the mammogram and then sit in the waiting area and wait for the radiologist to read it. If the doctor sees anything suspicious, I immediately have an ultrasound to check it further. Last May they saw something and I went to ultrasound. Those moments after the ultrasound when you're waiting in the room alone for the nurse to come back and tell you the results are pretty heavy moments. Those are the moments that you relive your entire cancer journey, asking yourself if you think you're strong enough to do it again; wondering, if it's cancer, if it will be worse than the time before. Yes, you pray...actually you beg. You beg God that what the doctor sees is nothing. You beg Him not to make you go down that road again. You beg Him to give you peace and to stop your hands from shaking because you can't seem to stop them on your own. All of these things go through your head in a matter of moments. The nurse is not usually gone for very long, but by the time she returns you've put yourself right back on the same path you thought you just finished. But last May the nurse returned to tell me that everything looked good, it was fine, to come back in six months instead of a year just to make sure. The relief floods all through my body as I begin to thank God for these results. I thank Him and I praise Him. 

Fast forward six months to November and that mammogram check was good. I was in and out and there was nothing to worry about. But...a few weeks ago I found a new lump on my own. It was in the same breast where I had breast cancer and it felt exactly like the lump I found the first time. I immediately called my doctor and she set me up for another mammogram and ultrasound. They said it was fine, that it looked like scar tissue, but it didn't feel right to me. I love my doctor because she knows me so well. She knew before I got to her office that even though it looked good on film, it felt like the first round, and she knew I would be looking for peace. She was right. I was looking for peace. But here's the thing - where was I looking to find it? Of course I had prayed. I had asked God to make the lump be nothing and He did, but the lump was still there. Was my peace coming when I had it removed? Should I have peace in the fact that it looked okay? I knew from past experience that things can look good, but actually be cancer. So with much prayer and my doctor's advice, we decided to remove the lump to be safe and to be sure. She removed it and it was, in fact, scar tissue. It was benign. It was nothing. I needn't have worried at all. But I had worried and I had been searching for peace, and I want to talk about the moment I found it.

I am a person that loves to Praise the Lord. I love to Praise Him through music. Sometimes I love to get in my car for a long drive so I can get my praise on! My car is where I do my loudest and best singing because no one else can here me. :) There's a song by the new Gaither Vocal Band called "You Amaze Me". It talks about ways that God is amazing. It talks about how He lights the morning sky each day and how He holds creation in His hands. It talks about how the oceans crash against the sand behind the boundary of His unseen hand. That is so true...the ocean just stops right at the sand because God's hand is there. In the chorus it talks about how God created the world from nothing - a void of darkness - and how He held dust in His hand, gave it breath and called it man. My favorite line in whole song is this, "the angels that stood by His side must have cried, You amaze me". Oh, I get such a visual of a band of angels standing at the side of God watching Him transform this world from darkness into this beautiful place He gives us. I see that He holds the sun and the moon up in the sky every day and every night for us. I could go on and on about all the ways God amazes me, but what amazes me most is His unfailing, unconditional love He has for us. He sent His son to die for us on a cross. He's created a heaven that is so beautiful we cannot fathom it in our minds. He amazes me.

I heard this song the week I knew I was having this lump removed. I kept playing it over and over and finally I knew what God was trying to tell me. As the verse I've shared above says, "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." (Exodus 14:14), He does fight for us. I knew He was fighting for me. I needed to be still and wait on Him. Zephaniah 3:17 says, "The LORD your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing". Wow! I love this verse! It says so much about our God, the Mighty One! He loves us. He rejoices over us. He quiets us with His love. This was it...this was my answer...this was my peace. I found it. I pulled into my garage that morning after listening to this song and I just knew - I was ready and prepared to take the journey again if the Lord wanted me to. I surrendered. I surrendered because He is fighting for me. He is by my side every moment of every day. I surrendered because I want to be in His will more than I want anything else, and I knew if that were true, I had to be prepared to walk through that cancer journey again if that was His will. I sat there in the car for a while thanking Him for the ways He loves me. I knew that no matter what, whether another journey through cancer or a cancer free diagnosis, God had it under His wings. Psalm 91:4 is a favorite verse of mine and it says, "He will cover you with his feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." His faithfulness! He is faithful and His ways are higher than my ways and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if God chose to send me on another cancer journey He would equip me with what I needed to travel it. And there was my peace. That was the moment I felt His presence and the moment joy flooded through me. I got my peace and my joy back because God is bigger than anything else. He is Jesus Messiah, Name above all Names, Blessed Redeemer, Emmanuel. This surgery was the most peaceful surgery I've had thus far. I knew I was under the wings of God. 

I look at all the ways God amazes me every day. I see God in the smiles of my children because He made me their mom, but I see their daddy and their aunt and their grandparents in them at times. That's God. I see God in the love of my husband. I see His hand upon my life in little ways like putting someone in my path to make me smile. I see God in big ways like being able to look at a situation and literally see His hand resting upon it. I see Him in the sunshine and in the birds singing. I see how He changes flowers into snow and back again time after time. There are countless ways every single day that God can amaze us. We need only to be still and look for them. 

I hope you know the Lord as your Savior. I don't want you to miss all the bountiful blessings He gives us. I want you to be amazed. I want you to find your peace in knowing that He fights for you because He does. He shines down on us and He loves us and He fights for us. He adores us and His will is perfect. I am thankful and I am grateful for the results I got, that cancer has not returned. I praise Him for this. I rejoice in this news. But I also find myself so very grateful for the way He helped me find my peace. I will follow Him anywhere because He knows best. He's radiant and mighty and quiet and loving and I love Him with all that I am. He amazes me!!

I love you all,
Kacey

From Ordinary to Extraordinary

For where two or three are gathered

together in my name,

there am I in the midst of them.

Matthew 18:20

Today started out like any other day...but God put something extraordinary right in the middle of an ordinary day. The dictionary defines ordinary as "normal; having no special or distinctive features". When I read the meaning I couldn't help but ask myself if any day is really ordinary? When I stop and study that a little while, I would have to say no, our days are not ordinary. They may be "normal" in a sense that we have our routines and we go about our days in somewhat the same fashion as other days. We want them to be normal in the sense that we don't want to be sick, we want our families safe and sound. We long for normalcy in the midst of pain. We long for routine in the midst of things changing. But when I looked deeper at the meaning and saw that it said ordinary meant having no special or distinctive features, I knew that none of our days should be ordinary. Every day is extraordinary. The key for me is looking for it. Oh, it's always there, the extraordinary, waiting patiently for us to see it and find it and grasp it and love it and soak it up and share it. Today was extraordinary. I saw it. I felt it. I experienced it. I want you to experience it with me.  

My mom had an appointment to get a mammogram today. She is 18 years cancer free, Praise Jesus, and today was her yearly exam. Having had breast cancer myself, I know all too well that this day brings about nerves and fears and doubts and flashbacks and memories of a time that was both hard and painful, but beautiful and incredible. God changed my Momma through her journey and He changed me through mine. But this doesn't mean we don't get scared we're going to have to relive it again. I often tell people that I wouldn't trade my breast cancer journey for anything and some don't understand it. But God worked in my life in such ways that I cannot explain it. I saw His extraordinary goodness and grace daily. There have been times I've not felt the same way as I did then. At that time in my life I was so dependent upon God to walk with me, and talk with me and show me His goodness and grace in each day that I was looking for Him in everything I did, everything I saw, every place I visited, every person I met. It's easy to become complacent when you walk out of the journey healed and at times I've found it harder to see Him as much. But it's me...it's ALWAYS me! Why...because I settle for the ordinary. I no longer look and anticipate and wait for the extraordinary. Oh, I long for the extraordinary. There's nothing like it and once you've experienced the extraordinary things given by God, ordinary just isn't enough anymore. But I was reminded today that all I have to do is open my eyes and He will be there. He will show me. Psalm 33:5 says, "the earth is full of the steadfast love of the Lord".

So my mom and I arrive at the imaging center this morning for her mammogram, and they tell her that they have no orders from the doctor and that it will be a while. They have placed a phone call to her doctor for the orders, but they cannot take her back until they receive these orders. She comes over and sits down with me and our first reaction is, "well, great, how long will this take". Now one of the reasons this is a first response is because when you get to the appointment, you are so ready just to go in there and get the results, no matter what they are. Waiting is hard. Of course, the other reason for this reaction is because we tend to be impatient and we want what we want right now. :) We notice this man and woman sitting over a little bit from us to our right and she has heard the nurse tell my mom that her orders are not there. The lady, who is Louise, says the same thing has happened to her today. She is five years out beyond breast cancer and is there for a mammogram also, but her orders are not there either. Yes, different doctors, same problem. So we begin a conversation with them and learn a little about her story. When we found out she has been cancer free for five years, we say, "Praise the Lord", because we know...we get it...it's a huge Praise to God that we are all sitting in there sharing the same journey, serving a God who chose to heal us all for this moment, for this time, for His purpose. The man said, "Yes, you said the right thing; you said Praise the Lord and all Praise goes to Him". Three words. Praise. The. Lord. Three powerful words. Three words that began a worship session right in the middle of the doctor's office. Three words that turned an ordinary day into an extraordinary moment.

They called Ms. Louise back for her mammogram and we visited a while longer with her husband, who was a pastor. He pretty much preached and we worshiped the Lord right there in the waiting room. We talked and had fellowship as if no one else was around us, and the place was packed. They called Momma to the back and we hated to leave. This man was such a blessing to both of us, and we told him. God ordained this specific time for us to meet each other. I always say I do not believe in coincidences, but I most certainly believe in Godincidences, and that is what this was. 

While waiting on Momma to finish her mammogram, I got to visit with Ms. Louise again. She got a good report today, but she is quite nervous because she sees a doctor on Friday about a place on her lung. She's had two brothers and a sister pass away from lung cancer and I could tell she is scared. When she came out of the dressing room, I got up to hug her. I told her I would pray for her and that I would ask my family to pray also. So please pray for Ms. Louise on Friday. She didn't know the way out so I walked her to the door. I opened the door and gave her husband the thumbs up sign and told him we would be praying. This is the moment that is hard to explain...hard to put into words. Ms. Louise stopped walking, turned around and it was as if light just lit up around her entire body. She was surrounded in light. She was beautiful. She turned back to me and blew me a kiss and said, "I love you". I cannot begin to tell you how I felt inside. It was as if she were an angel. God was there in that very moment. He was in our midst and He put us together as if we were family. The Bible says in 1 Samuel 18:1, "After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself". The connection with David and Jonathan was a spiritual connection, a kindred connection, just like we had today. Friends, only God could knit people together so closely in such a short time. Only God.

When Ms. Louise turned back to me and blew me a kiss and I saw light surrounding her entire being, I knew this was an extraordinary moment. Deuteronomy 33:12 says, "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders". This is what I saw. I could see Ms. Louise resting on the chest of Jesus. He's got her in his arms, just as He does you and me. What a beautiful picture God gives us in this scripture. Our Heavenly Father carrying us and holding us to his chest. Oh how He loves us. He loves us enough to give us moments like this. He loves us enough to change an ordinary moment into an extraordinary experience. We just have to look for it.

What started out being a delay that had us aggravated turned out to be such a blessing in so many ways, one that I won't soon forget. Hebrews 13:1-2 says, "Let brotherly love continue. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels". You never know when or why God will put a special messenger in your path. He put one in our path today and I am grateful my eyes and heart were open to see it. Look for Him...He's always there, carrying you close to His chest just waiting to turn an ordinary day into an extraordinary moment.

I love you all,

Kacey

Facing our Fears

For the Joy of the Lord is 

your strength.

Nehemiah 8:10

I've been struggling for weeks knowing the Lord wanted me to write, but not knowing what it was He wanted me to write about. I kept asking Him to give me something - a story, a joke, anything - until it dawned on me that I have a story. It's Jesus. Jesus is my story everyday, I just may not hear or see Him the way I'm supposed to. But always know this...if I don't hear or see Him, it's because of me, not Him. He never moves, never leaves, never forsakes us.

I was sitting in the doctor's office a couple of weeks ago awaiting my yearly mammogram. For those of you that don't know, I have had breast cancer and just recently came off all medication treatment and was officially labeled as a breast cancer survivor, rather than a patient with breast cancer. That was a wonderful day! At first I went every three months, then every six, now every year. As time wore on, it got easier to become complacent. Now don't misunderstand me, it's always nerve-wracking, the what-ifs always in the back of my mind. But, the more I heard, "everything looks great", the easier it was to become comfortable and, well, complacent. This last time, though, I was in the waiting area with my mom, thinking about where we would go for lunch afterwards, when the nurse came through and very casually said, "I think we're going to have to ultrasound you today", and kept walking. I cannot begin to tell you all that went through my mind in just seconds. See, when they come out after a mammogram and want to do an ultrasound it means they see something they're not happy with. So the sweet, sweet girl that does the ultrasound came and got us (my mom went with me) and did the ultrasound. I know her and she tries her best to make it less scary and routine. However, in those moments, I relived the day I was diagnosed with cancer and all the years of radiation and treatment in between...in moments...like a slideshow in my mind of every hurdle, every tear, every moment spent waiting. What didn't cross my mind at the time was all the moments of Jesus I experienced...all the answered prayers, all the great news, all the battles won and the victories achieved all by the grace of God. I was told that day the area was most likely benign and was scar tissue and they would check it again in six months. Whew! It was only afterwards that I saw all I should have seen the moment they said the word "ultrasound". I panicked. I froze. I was full of fear. Instead of being full of peace and joy and the knowledge that God was with me no matter the outcome, I did the opposite and became full of fear.

Fear.  I hate that word. I hate the feeling. I hate everything about fear. It's a giant in my life right now...a paralyzing, gripping, crippling fear at times. Instead of being ashamed, I want to write about it and talk about it because this is where I'm struggling. Maybe writing about my feelings and about what I'm trying to do about it and really looking at what God says about it will help you, too. Psalm 18:28-30 says, "You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. As for God, His way is perfect. The LORD's word is flawless; He shields all who take refuge in him." (NIV) When I talk about fear in my life right now, it's not one specific thing - it's a lot of things. Because it's a lot of things, I feel like it's a giant in front of me - always there, always hard to get around, impossible to defeat. Of course, I can't help but think about David and Goliath in the Bible. Goliath was a giant and David was a scrawny little thing, the youngest son of Jesse, a shepherd boy. But the Bible tells us that David would kill the lions and the bears that grabbed the sheep and he would rescue the sheep. David had a heart for God. He volunteered to go up against Goliath. David says in 1 Samuel 17:37, "The LORD who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of the Philistine. Saul said to David, "Go, and the LORD be with you." And he did it! He killed Goliath! He defeated the giant before him. But make no mistake here, David didn't do it in his own strength; he did it with God's strength! And when I read this story and hear the words that David said, I don't hear fear in him. I don't hear worry. He doesn't seem paralyzed by fear, or want to run and hide. He wanted to run toward Goliath. I've asked myself why and it's because he was full of the confidence of God being with him. He was certain beyond a doubt that God would take care of him. I even believe he thought if he died trying to defeat Goliath that it was God's will and he was okay with it. This, right here, is what I need to tell myself every minute of every day if I have to. Because here's the thing...God's in charge, not me. I want more than anything else in my life, with everything in my being to be in the will of God. This being so, it would stand to reason that my life would be full of joy and peace instead of fear. But see, satan is very real and he knows he can use this against me. He has a way of creeping into our minds and before we know it we're sitting in a place of fear asking ourselves what happened to our joy and peace. Matthew 19:26 says, "But Jesus looked at them and said to them, 'With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." That's a promise straight from our Almighty God - all things are possible with God, not just some things, ALL things. That's cause for shoutin'!

So all these things I worry about - safety of my children and family, sickness, all the things that seem silly when I read God's word - He's got it. John 12:46 says, "I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness." We should never be in darkness, and fear is dark, no matter what that fear is. Matthew 6:27 says, "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" I think about this and know it in my heart, but boy is it hard some days. But I don't want to spend the days I have in fear, but rather in celebration and joy because of all Jesus has done for us. Because the bottom line is this...if we know the Lord as our Savior, we are only passing through this life. Our lives truly begin when we get to eternity. James 4:14 tells us, "Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." We're not here for long in the scheme of eternity, so why waste it in fear? That's not what God wants for us. Our job is to tell as many people as we can about the Heaven that God has prepared for us if we know Him. We are to get others so excited about it, that fear vanishes. Jesus came to this earth and died for us so that we can live with Him forever. Our time here on earth is fleeting, but it is to be lived to the fullest in Jesus. He can fill us with a peace that nothing or no one can ever fill. Psalm 144:4 says, "Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow." Compared to eternity, it's a blink of the eye. I don't want to spend my future in fear, do you? We don't have to. We may not know the future, but we can know the God who does. 

What I've realized is that living in fear is exhausting. However, God gives us such hope and tells us over and over again in His word not to fear because He is with us always. He put it in His word so much because He knew we would need to hear it. When I read the promises God gives us, that fear starts to diminish...I start to feel a peace come over me that I know are the arms of God. He's our father, our daddy, wanting to protect us in all things. He doesn't want to see us hurting. One day, that trumpet's gonna sound and the eastern sky is gonna part and Jesus will descend to call His children home. At that point we'll stroll hand in hand with our Savior through Heaven, singing and praising Him, visiting with our loved ones, in a place that's too beautiful for us to fathom. The sun will always shine and fear will never be an emotion we ever feel again. When we look at it like this, why would we ever fear when God is on our side? Just like David, let's run this race with the confidence that because God is with us, fear has no place in our lives. Let's look toward the big celebration we'll have in Heaven when we get there. 

So I say all this, and I"m thankful that God has given me these words today, because the more we can talk about it and encourage each other, the better we will be. The more we read God's word and brand these verses into our minds, the less room there will be for fear. Joshua 1:9 says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." God commands us to be strong and to not be afraid. The joy of the Lord is our strength says Nehemiah! Joy is our strength...not fear. I want to be the kind of woman that is so full of God and have so much of Jesus in me that satan is too afraid to approach me. I want him to know better than to mess with me because whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul. I'm a child of the King and so are you, so let's straighten up our crowns and walk on!

I love you all,

Kacey