What was Easter like for Jesus?

My heart has been filled today.  I've been overflowing with love for my Jesus.  I've been humbled; and to say that I'm grateful doesn't even begin to grasp what my heart is trying to say when I think about what this week must have been like for Jesus the week He was crucified.  What was He thinking?  What was He feeling?  Was He scared?  Was He lonely?  I spend so much time thinking about His birth and His resurrection, and yes, I think about His death, but I think about it in terms of what He did for me...not what it meant for Him.  Today I've spent the day thinking about what it must have been like for Him. 


Jesus says in Matthew 26:38-39, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death...Going a little farther, He fell with His face to the ground and prayed, "My father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.  Yet not as I will, but as you will."  (NIV)  Oh, my, how my heart breaks when I read this passage because I can hear the grief and sorrow and pain in the voice of Jesus.  His soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death!  He fell on His face.  When I think about the times that I have gone to God and fallen on my face it's because of my circumstance or my sin.  But Jesus went to the Garden of Gethsemane and fell on His face because He was about to suffer upon a cross that was meant for me and my sin, not His own.  He did nothing to deserve to die this way.  I cannot tell you how many times I have fallen on my face before God and asked and begged Him to take something from me or to change my circumstance.  But, when I read this and thought about what this was like for Jesus, what He was about to suffer, what He was about to do....for me....the realm of emotions I feel are almost unexplainable.  I feel shame because I'm not worth it.  I feel loved because through this suffering, this sacrifice, this grief and anxiety, this begging and pleading to make it all go away, in the end Jesus says in verse 42 when He had gone away a second time to pray, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."  (NIV)  In other words, He said, I'll do it - I love them all, too.  So we know that Jesus was grieving, but we also know He wanted His Father's will.


What must it have been like after His arrest and trial?  What was He thinking when they beat Him?  What must have been going through His head when they mocked Him?  Have you ever had someone hurt your feelings or mock you or make fun of you?  I have and it hurts, but nothing I have ever experienced has ever compared to what had been done to Jesus.  Just listen.  The soldiers mocked Jesus.  "They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on Him, and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on His head.  They put a staff in his right hand and knelt in front of Him and mocked Him. "Hail, king of the Jews!" they said.  They spit on Him, and took the staff and struck Him on the head again and again.  After they had mocked Him, they took off the robe and put His own clothes on Him.  Then they led him away to crucify Him."  Matthew 27:28-31 (NIV)  I imagine His body so weak from the beatings, but His heart so weak and hurt from the insults and mockery and laughter and spit in His face!  The reality of the crucifixion has been so real in my heart.  The images vivid in my head as over and over and over again He endured this for me and for you.  I keep thinking that it should have been me they mocked and laughed at.  It should have been me they spit on.  But He took it for me instead.  He took it for you.  He did it so we wouldn't have to. 


What was Jesus thinking when they reached Golgotha?  Was He thinking it was almost over?  Was He thinking the worst is yet to come?  Was He wondering if He could endure any more?  Was He in such pain that He was just ready to get it done?  I can't imagine what was going through His mind right before they drove that first nail through His hand.  I'm sure He was waiting, filled with anguish and anxiety, already hurting, physically, and his heart breaking knowing He was about to suffer for all of us, including the very one about to drive that first nail.  Matthew 27:34, "There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall; but after tasting it, he refused to drink it." (NIV)  I learned through a Bible study that this gall that was mixed with the wine was used to numb the pain.  But did you get what that scripture said?  It said Jesus refused to drink it!  Why?  It is my belief that He did not want anything to make this sacrifice easier.  His death bore the sins of the world and that was a very heavy load to bear. 


What did Jesus think when they hung Him between two criminals...this Savior, this Son of God who had done no wrong, yet there He was hanging between two criminals?  Luke 23:34 says, "Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."  (NIV)  What did He think when they sneered at Him, yelling "He saved others, let him save himself if he is the Christ of God, the Chosen One." Luke 23:35 (NIV)  In Matthew 27:46 when, "Jesus cried out in a loud voice, My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?", did He feel alone?  (NIV)  The mocking never stopped.  The hurtful words continued.  The laughter never ceased.  Jesus hung on that cross amidst all of this humiliation and shame for something He never did.  He was perfect.  He was the perfect Lamb.  "It was now the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining, and the curtain of the temple was torn in two.  Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit," When he had said this, he breathed His last."  Luke 23:44-47 (NIV)   The middle of the day, noontime, and it was dark because the sun stopped shining.  The Light of the World, dying on a cross, for sins he never committed.


Jesus could have called 10,000 angels to get him off the cross.  He could have come down if He wanted.  But He didn't.  He knew what He had to do in order to save me and to save you.  But what's been so very real to me in reading this story that I've read more times than I can count, is that we were the purpose of this whole horrendous death.  We were the reason He suffered.  There was no other sacrifice good enough to save us and give us eternal life in Heaven except the Son of God!  So every time I think He doesn't understand how low I feel, or how desperate I am to change my circumstance, I'm going to rethink this time that Jesus suffered for me because I think he knows much more than I can ever imagine. 


Now don't stop reading yet because the best is yet to come.  Luke 24:6 says, "He is not here; he has risen!  Remember how He told you, while He was still with you in Galilee: The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again," (NIV)  Verse 2 says, "They found the stone rolled away from the tomb but when they entered they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus." (NIV)  He's Alive and He is Risen, Heaven's Gates are Opened Wide, He's Alive!!  He got to appear to His disciples again and then, "He lifted up His hands and blessed them.  While He was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven." Luke 24:50-51 (NIV) 


Yes, I have wondered what these last days were like for Jesus and it humbles me more than I can explain.  It's hard to think about someone loving me and you that much - enough to endure that kind of pain and humiliation and dread.  And back to what I've been asking all along, what was Jesus thinking and feeling?  I think He was feeling love toward us.  I think he was thinking that one day His promise would be fulfilled and all glory would be His; that one day all nations would bow before His throne and call Him Lord of Lords and King of Kings.  This kind of love can come only from Jesus, the One and only Son of God, who came and suffered and bore my sins and died for me and died for you in order for us to have eternal life in Heaven.  Thank you, Jesus, just isn't enough.  My cup runneth over.


Happy Easter.
I love you all,
Kacey