In the last several days I have experienced God in such a powerful way. He has revealed so much to me and I'd like to share.
We all thought my medicine for cancer was working wonderfully. Well, I went to the doctor last week because something felt "off". Don't misunderstand, I still feel great, but I believe the Holy Spirit was preparing me. My doctor drew some blood this time to make sure my estrogen levels were down low enough that we would be certain the medicine was doing its job. He said he would be shocked if my level was above 50. Well...it came back at 160! This means there is estrogen in my body somehow, we just don't know how or what we're going to do about it. I have another appointment with him next Wednesday to talk this over, so please pray for me as I embark upon a new path. This doesn't really have me worried because as God tells us in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV) So whatever He wants me to do, I am preparing for it.
I must admit that this has thrown me off balance, though, made me think and analyze where I've been and where I am. I specifically asked God to let me know if this medicine wasn't working properly. I take seizure medication that can interfere with the potency of the cancer medicine, so we have to be on the watch for that. So, I am not surprised that God is showing me His love, His concern, and His plan in letting me know that something needs to be "tweaked". What does surprise me is that I believe this is a way the enemy is trying to get to me. There have been several things happen this week that are only worth mentioning in the context that the enemy does not like it when we praise our Lord. Remember, John 10:10 tells us "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy." BUT...the end of that verse says it all when Jesus says "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly"! I looked up that word abundant and it means excessive, overflowing, over and above, more than enough, extraordinary! I love that! Let's just think this through...The enemy came to steal, kill, and destroy; however, when Jesus came He came to not only give us life, but give us a life that is extraordinary!! Wow! I have to say that the things that have been put in my path this week almost got me down. But did you get the main word of that last sentence...almost. You see, in my quiet time I was reading in Matthew 4 where Jesus is tempted by the devil. Jesus was mocked and taunted, but then Jesus says in verse 10 of that same chapter, "Away with you, satan, for it is written that you shall worship the LORD your God and Him only you shall serve"! Well hallelujah! Who am I to think that if Jesus was tempted and taunted and mocked while here on earth that I wouldn't be? But the beauty of this is that Jesus has already won the battle. Really, I read the back of the book, I read how the story ends - God wins! A trumpet's gonna sound and I'll be called away! So the enemy didn't get me down...he tried and he tried hard, but God came in to rescue me. He swooped down this week and put Himself in my path so that He was all I could see. It was so vivid to me in front of my eyes and in my dreams and in the car, it was as if God was sitting right beside me. I literally could hear His voice. He was able to drown out the enemy for me and God had victory! Amen!!
I tried a new exercise class this week. It was 30 minutes long and I was able to do it - maybe not all the steps, but I was able to last for the entire 30 minutes. After the class was over I went to the back room to catch my breath, but I met God there. He was waiting for me in that room. I felt His presence so strongly - I burst into tears. He gave me a look back at where I've been, where I am now, and gently reminded me that He's in control of where I'm going. It was overwhelming. He flooded me with tears of joy. I know exercise is not a big deal to some, but for me, four short months ago I could barely walk. I am very humbled and grateful today for each milestone God allows me to accomplish.
After I finished exercising I walked outside and saw this big, huge tree standing in front of me. It's always been there in the same place, looking the same way, and I've passed it countless times and not noticed it. But today, there it was...leafless, yet shining in the sunlight. There were many branches, but many that were broken, and I thought of us as humans. Isn't that what we are? We are a lowly, broken people with many branches in our lives that are broken and battered, yet with Jesus we stand tall and shining in the midst of the "Son". We stand because Jesus came and died for our sins so that we would not have to die in sin without hope of an everlasting, glorious, beautiful place called Heaven. This tree reminded me of the tree of life...a connection to a life with Jesus our Lord. God took me to Revelation 22:13-14 that says, "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last. Blessed are those who do His commandments, that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter through the gates into the city." God showed me that tree today to let me know that the enemy has no power, no authority, for God is Holy and Just and Worthy to be praised!
My heart is overflowing today with love for my heavenly Father. I heard Him today speak to me so quietly, so gently, but with such might and power. No, I'm not worried about the things thrown into the middle of my path...God walks in front of me...He'll get to it first and He'll take care of it. In the meantime, He lets the leaves bloom and the branches heal in my body and I give Him praise and honor, and glory for all of it!
I love you all,
Kacey
Friday, March 8, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
525,600 Minutes
I realized this week that my life is divided. I've heard other people say that before; that their lives had a turning point, or an "Ah-ha" moment..something that changed who they are. I have been a Christian most of my life, having accepted Christ as my Savior at 10 years old - but never have I really experienced God like I have since breast cancer. So that's my dividing point - my life before cancer and my life after cancer. Boy, if you had asked me before cancer came, I would've told you that I was close to the Lord, that I served Him and saw Him and heard Him and studied about Him. And I did, but never like now...not really, not truly experiencing the fullness of God's grace and mercy and love and magnificence and power.
I heard a song this week, and I'm not sure this is the title, but it's 525 thousand 600 minutes. It's probably an old song and you're probably thinking how out of touch I am, but I heard it this week for the first time. :) God spoke to me so much through that song. I thought about much time that is - 525,600 minutes in one year. What was I doing with those minutes? Was I spending them correctly? Was I getting the most out of them? How many of those minutes did I spend with God? What I thought about most was the fact that we are not promised one more of those minutes. All 525,600 of those minutes are a gift. They're precious. It changed my way of thinking. Brother Jerry, our pastor, has been preaching on the last phrases that Jesus said before He died on the cross. Last week, he talked about the two thieves who hung on the crosses on each side of Jesus. One thief only wanted Jesus to get him down. He thought that Jesus should just call on the angels and get them down off the cross. The other thief, however, only asked that Jesus remember him in paradise, or Heaven. Jesus responded to this thief by telling him that "today you will be with Me." So when I heard this song, I immediately thought of this thief. In the last few minutes of his life, he asked Jesus to save him. This thief was forgiven and is in Heaven. That's wonderful! But what saddened me was all of the other 525,600 minutes a year that this thief had wasted...all of the things he had missed.
So I began to think about my life in that way. I said earlier that my life feels divided into before cancer and after. I've loved the Lord all my life and I know His timing is perfect. Maybe this hunger and thirst I have for the Lord is about timing. But maybe not...maybe I've let too many 525,600 minutes a year go by missing out. The Bible tells us in Matthew 24:36 that "no one knows the day or hour of when the Lord is coming." And in Matthew 24:42 it tells us to "watch, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming." We don't know how many more minutes we have. I have seen such beauty and glory in the sky these last few days that I'm beginning to think I'm looking for the rapture - which would be awesome! But I am so thankful for the things God shows us if we ask and if we're looking while we're here on earth spending our 525,600 minutes a year. I can't imagine how glorious it will be when we get to Heaven...how peaceful and happy. God tells us the streets will be made of gold, that there will be no crying and no worry; that the gates will be made of pearls and that He is preparing many mansions! He tells us we'll see loved ones there, that we'll get to meet the saints of old. We'll meet Abraham and Moses and Noah and maybe get to chat about the burning bush and the Red Sea and the ark! There won't be sicknesses like so many of us have and are experiencing. There will be no loss, no pain. I pray you know Him as your Savior. I love Him, and without Him I would be nothing. I would have no hope against cancer without Him. But I have hope. Most importantly, though, because I know Him as my Savior, my 525,600 minutes never expire. They might expire here on earth, so I want to use them the best way I can and look for Him in as many ways as possible and share them whenever I get a chance. Our years won't be measured by days and hours and minutes and seconds in Heaven. They'll be never-ending. I am so humbled and thankful that Jesus died on the cross so that we can experience all this. I didn't deserve for Him to do this for me. He did have a chance to call on angels to save Him from such a horrendous death. But we were worth too much to Him. He suffered for you and for me and one day we'll have an eternity of 525,600 minutes!
Thank you for letting me share His glory.
I love you all,
Kacey
I heard a song this week, and I'm not sure this is the title, but it's 525 thousand 600 minutes. It's probably an old song and you're probably thinking how out of touch I am, but I heard it this week for the first time. :) God spoke to me so much through that song. I thought about much time that is - 525,600 minutes in one year. What was I doing with those minutes? Was I spending them correctly? Was I getting the most out of them? How many of those minutes did I spend with God? What I thought about most was the fact that we are not promised one more of those minutes. All 525,600 of those minutes are a gift. They're precious. It changed my way of thinking. Brother Jerry, our pastor, has been preaching on the last phrases that Jesus said before He died on the cross. Last week, he talked about the two thieves who hung on the crosses on each side of Jesus. One thief only wanted Jesus to get him down. He thought that Jesus should just call on the angels and get them down off the cross. The other thief, however, only asked that Jesus remember him in paradise, or Heaven. Jesus responded to this thief by telling him that "today you will be with Me." So when I heard this song, I immediately thought of this thief. In the last few minutes of his life, he asked Jesus to save him. This thief was forgiven and is in Heaven. That's wonderful! But what saddened me was all of the other 525,600 minutes a year that this thief had wasted...all of the things he had missed.
So I began to think about my life in that way. I said earlier that my life feels divided into before cancer and after. I've loved the Lord all my life and I know His timing is perfect. Maybe this hunger and thirst I have for the Lord is about timing. But maybe not...maybe I've let too many 525,600 minutes a year go by missing out. The Bible tells us in Matthew 24:36 that "no one knows the day or hour of when the Lord is coming." And in Matthew 24:42 it tells us to "watch, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming." We don't know how many more minutes we have. I have seen such beauty and glory in the sky these last few days that I'm beginning to think I'm looking for the rapture - which would be awesome! But I am so thankful for the things God shows us if we ask and if we're looking while we're here on earth spending our 525,600 minutes a year. I can't imagine how glorious it will be when we get to Heaven...how peaceful and happy. God tells us the streets will be made of gold, that there will be no crying and no worry; that the gates will be made of pearls and that He is preparing many mansions! He tells us we'll see loved ones there, that we'll get to meet the saints of old. We'll meet Abraham and Moses and Noah and maybe get to chat about the burning bush and the Red Sea and the ark! There won't be sicknesses like so many of us have and are experiencing. There will be no loss, no pain. I pray you know Him as your Savior. I love Him, and without Him I would be nothing. I would have no hope against cancer without Him. But I have hope. Most importantly, though, because I know Him as my Savior, my 525,600 minutes never expire. They might expire here on earth, so I want to use them the best way I can and look for Him in as many ways as possible and share them whenever I get a chance. Our years won't be measured by days and hours and minutes and seconds in Heaven. They'll be never-ending. I am so humbled and thankful that Jesus died on the cross so that we can experience all this. I didn't deserve for Him to do this for me. He did have a chance to call on angels to save Him from such a horrendous death. But we were worth too much to Him. He suffered for you and for me and one day we'll have an eternity of 525,600 minutes!
Thank you for letting me share His glory.
I love you all,
Kacey
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Beauty through the eyes of God
One year ago today, I went in for my last week of radiation treatments. My skin was burned and we found out that the "rash" on top of the radiation site was actually shingles. Yes, I had shingles on top of my burned skin. It was miserable. The upside? I didn't have to have any more treatments! At times, it seems like yesterday that I was going everyday for treatment. Other times, it feels like forever. But a couple of things have happened this week that I'd like to share. I've been humbled, again, of God's power, His graciousness and His beauty.
I am now on my third medication to keep cancer from returning. I will be on this medicine for the next five years. I was not able to take the other two because of serious side effects. So, to be able to take this medicine is a praise. But, for me, it goes further than that. I've been at a point where I didn't have the energy to sit up. I've been where I had trouble just walking. I've had blood clots. To be a wife and a mom of two boys, there have been many silent tears shed because I just couldn't keep up. But about a month ago I joined a gym for women. I feel comfortable there and I need to be in shape, not only because I want to, but because I want to be healthy and do everything I can to help myself and keep this cancer beaten forever! The gym is set up in a way that keeps track of your progress. Monday was my best day ever. I can keep up, and I can do it! I got in my car to come home and burst into tears. I wasn't going to share this because I know it sounds silly, but I know now that what's important to us is important to God. I was humbled to think back to this time last year and compare it to now. Last year, I was in the midst of a painful, tiring day to day existence. Today, I'm living and keeping up and running and playing and doing all the things I felt like I would never do again. I say all of this to you because God reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11. He tells us in His word that He knows the plans He has for us, plans of peace and not evil, to give us a future and a HOPE! He goes on to say in Jeremiah 29:12 "Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you". That's what struck me so much...I did call to Him. I asked Him for something that I thought sounded silly, to be able to workout and feel better about myself. It's really hard during your walk through cancer to ever feel beautiful. You don't feel good, your body has changed, and so you don't feel pretty. But God sees us differently than we see ourselves. He gives us that hope, and He listens, even when we are asking for something small. And when we get to a certain point of that road we're walking, whether it be cancer or some other kind of illness or battle, He will let us see ourselves as He does, wonderfully and beautifully made! All we have to do is ask Him and He's there to show us.
One last thing that happened this week is something God showed me in the sky. If you know me or have read any of my other blogs, you know how much I treasure the comfort we can find under the wings of God. There have been two cases in the last two weeks where the sky has been incredible. This week, late in the afternoon one day, I was on my way home and the blue sky had one major cloud. It was a cloud that had what looked like feathers, sweeping across the sky. One of my favorite verses came to mind and that's Psalm 91:1. The heading above this chapter in my Bible reads, "Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God"; and the verse says "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty". This verse makes me think of God's wings, and what I saw in the sky made me feel so safe and secure, almost as if God had spread His wings over us in full view of His magnificent sky to let us know He's got us covered...He's there.
Thank you for reading this - I know it's long. But if you're going through something right now that has you feeling ugly or anxious, please remember that you are covered by the love and wings of God, and you are beautiful...inside and out! Some say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder...how much greater is it when beauty is in the eye of the creator!
I love you,
Kacey
I am now on my third medication to keep cancer from returning. I will be on this medicine for the next five years. I was not able to take the other two because of serious side effects. So, to be able to take this medicine is a praise. But, for me, it goes further than that. I've been at a point where I didn't have the energy to sit up. I've been where I had trouble just walking. I've had blood clots. To be a wife and a mom of two boys, there have been many silent tears shed because I just couldn't keep up. But about a month ago I joined a gym for women. I feel comfortable there and I need to be in shape, not only because I want to, but because I want to be healthy and do everything I can to help myself and keep this cancer beaten forever! The gym is set up in a way that keeps track of your progress. Monday was my best day ever. I can keep up, and I can do it! I got in my car to come home and burst into tears. I wasn't going to share this because I know it sounds silly, but I know now that what's important to us is important to God. I was humbled to think back to this time last year and compare it to now. Last year, I was in the midst of a painful, tiring day to day existence. Today, I'm living and keeping up and running and playing and doing all the things I felt like I would never do again. I say all of this to you because God reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11. He tells us in His word that He knows the plans He has for us, plans of peace and not evil, to give us a future and a HOPE! He goes on to say in Jeremiah 29:12 "Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you". That's what struck me so much...I did call to Him. I asked Him for something that I thought sounded silly, to be able to workout and feel better about myself. It's really hard during your walk through cancer to ever feel beautiful. You don't feel good, your body has changed, and so you don't feel pretty. But God sees us differently than we see ourselves. He gives us that hope, and He listens, even when we are asking for something small. And when we get to a certain point of that road we're walking, whether it be cancer or some other kind of illness or battle, He will let us see ourselves as He does, wonderfully and beautifully made! All we have to do is ask Him and He's there to show us.
One last thing that happened this week is something God showed me in the sky. If you know me or have read any of my other blogs, you know how much I treasure the comfort we can find under the wings of God. There have been two cases in the last two weeks where the sky has been incredible. This week, late in the afternoon one day, I was on my way home and the blue sky had one major cloud. It was a cloud that had what looked like feathers, sweeping across the sky. One of my favorite verses came to mind and that's Psalm 91:1. The heading above this chapter in my Bible reads, "Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God"; and the verse says "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty". This verse makes me think of God's wings, and what I saw in the sky made me feel so safe and secure, almost as if God had spread His wings over us in full view of His magnificent sky to let us know He's got us covered...He's there.
Thank you for reading this - I know it's long. But if you're going through something right now that has you feeling ugly or anxious, please remember that you are covered by the love and wings of God, and you are beautiful...inside and out! Some say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder...how much greater is it when beauty is in the eye of the creator!
I love you,
Kacey
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Don't Give Up
I sit here tonight as I write and find myself overflowing with gratefulness. Two months ago, I was barely able to walk. I was on my second different medicine that was needed to block cancer from returning, and it wasn't working. The first one caused blood clots, and now this one seemed to be shutting down my ability to walk. So the doctor took me off of it in early January for three weeks to see if I improved, and I did. I began my third medicine about a month ago. The doctor said to give it a good month and see what happens. Well...I am at a month and I am doing great! So far, my knees and legs are better than ever. I've even begun to exercise again and that feels good. Until now, when I feel so good, I didn't know just how bad I felt then.
What struck me so much this week that I would like to share with you is something I read that Max Lucado wrote. He said that God never gives up. There were a lot of examples he gave in which God could have given up on someone, but didn't. But what was most powerful for me was the last two sentences which said, "When human hands fastened the divine hands to a cross with spikes, it wasn't the soldiers who held the hands of Jesus steady; it was God. God, who would give up His only son before he'd give up on you." Wow! I sat there for a long time after I read that thinking about what it really meant. I have to say that when I look at myself, my life, my sin, my human nature - when I really look at me, it's hard to believe that God would give up His one and only son before He would give up on me. What that told me was that I couldn't give up either. There have been many times during this last year and a half that I felt like giving up. I didn't know if I could take another step. When I think about how I feel today versus how I felt this time last year, I realize that without God I couldn't have made it. This time last year I was in the throes of radiation treatments. Before I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was having excruciating headaches. At that time, the doctor determined I had shingles inside my skull. They weren't on my brain, but just inside my head on my skull. It was awful. Then during the radiation treatments I developed another round of shingles on top of the radiation site. I wanted to give up. But God wouldn't let me. How? Because He would send me just enough strength to make it and just enough encouragement to see it through, and just enough support and love to rest in Him, many times through each of you. He took me where His healing was waiting for me. God tells us in Psalm 125:2, "As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people from this time forth and forever". (NKJV) He never leaves us and never gives up on us. We can't throw in the towel when the going gets tough...there's something waiting for us at the end. James tells us to "consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds, knowing that the testing of our faith produces patience; to let patience have its perfect work that we may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing". (NKJV) I think this is a hard verse of the Bible because when we are in the middle of our troubles, the last thing we feel is joy. I never thought I would face something so life-changing, so challenging, so uplifting all at once. God gave up His son so He wouldn't have to give up on me. I know He's walked with me, and I know He's given me more blessings than I can count through this cancer walk I'm on. I've seen my life be transformed into something I sometimes don't recognize...because I see God at every turn. I see His beauty and His love and His grace. I feel His presence, His whispers, His arms holding me when I'm scared and when I cry. I feel Him smiling and His encouragement when I'm able to do something today that I couldn't do two months ago. I see Him in the vastness of His sky and the whiteness of His snow. I hear Him in the voices of His people that He puts in my path, or a song I hear that seems to be meant only for me. I hear Him in the night saying, "I am with you wherever you go" (Jeremiah 1:9). So I can't give up...look at all the things I'll miss.
So what I would like to share with you today is that if you've just found yourself in the middle of something overwhelming or insurmountable, something scary, an illness that just comes on the wrong day or an illness that can be life-altering, a relationship that's in trouble, a child who's wandered from the fold...anything that you weren't expecting that you don't think you can get through...please don't give up. God is waiting. He's there and ready to walk before you and carry you through...and when He does He'll show you things you never imagined, beauty that you've never seen. Remember, He gave up His only son so He didn't have to give up on you.
I love you all,
Kacey
What struck me so much this week that I would like to share with you is something I read that Max Lucado wrote. He said that God never gives up. There were a lot of examples he gave in which God could have given up on someone, but didn't. But what was most powerful for me was the last two sentences which said, "When human hands fastened the divine hands to a cross with spikes, it wasn't the soldiers who held the hands of Jesus steady; it was God. God, who would give up His only son before he'd give up on you." Wow! I sat there for a long time after I read that thinking about what it really meant. I have to say that when I look at myself, my life, my sin, my human nature - when I really look at me, it's hard to believe that God would give up His one and only son before He would give up on me. What that told me was that I couldn't give up either. There have been many times during this last year and a half that I felt like giving up. I didn't know if I could take another step. When I think about how I feel today versus how I felt this time last year, I realize that without God I couldn't have made it. This time last year I was in the throes of radiation treatments. Before I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was having excruciating headaches. At that time, the doctor determined I had shingles inside my skull. They weren't on my brain, but just inside my head on my skull. It was awful. Then during the radiation treatments I developed another round of shingles on top of the radiation site. I wanted to give up. But God wouldn't let me. How? Because He would send me just enough strength to make it and just enough encouragement to see it through, and just enough support and love to rest in Him, many times through each of you. He took me where His healing was waiting for me. God tells us in Psalm 125:2, "As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people from this time forth and forever". (NKJV) He never leaves us and never gives up on us. We can't throw in the towel when the going gets tough...there's something waiting for us at the end. James tells us to "consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds, knowing that the testing of our faith produces patience; to let patience have its perfect work that we may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing". (NKJV) I think this is a hard verse of the Bible because when we are in the middle of our troubles, the last thing we feel is joy. I never thought I would face something so life-changing, so challenging, so uplifting all at once. God gave up His son so He wouldn't have to give up on me. I know He's walked with me, and I know He's given me more blessings than I can count through this cancer walk I'm on. I've seen my life be transformed into something I sometimes don't recognize...because I see God at every turn. I see His beauty and His love and His grace. I feel His presence, His whispers, His arms holding me when I'm scared and when I cry. I feel Him smiling and His encouragement when I'm able to do something today that I couldn't do two months ago. I see Him in the vastness of His sky and the whiteness of His snow. I hear Him in the voices of His people that He puts in my path, or a song I hear that seems to be meant only for me. I hear Him in the night saying, "I am with you wherever you go" (Jeremiah 1:9). So I can't give up...look at all the things I'll miss.
So what I would like to share with you today is that if you've just found yourself in the middle of something overwhelming or insurmountable, something scary, an illness that just comes on the wrong day or an illness that can be life-altering, a relationship that's in trouble, a child who's wandered from the fold...anything that you weren't expecting that you don't think you can get through...please don't give up. God is waiting. He's there and ready to walk before you and carry you through...and when He does He'll show you things you never imagined, beauty that you've never seen. Remember, He gave up His only son so He didn't have to give up on you.
I love you all,
Kacey
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Angels Among Us
During the last year in my battle with breast cancer, I asked God almost daily to send His Holy Spirit and speak to me, show me signs of His glory and presence, manifest Himself to me in ways where I would be blown away. He did it! A lot!! God snowed on my car...and only on my car for just a few seconds. He answered my prayer of no drain after surgery...then He went on to let me tell the nurses I wasn't going to have one only to have them smile, pat my arm, and say "okay, honey". The amazement in their eyes was wonderful when I woke up! He showed me a sky one morning that I cannot put into words. All I can say is that I have never seen a sky like that before, nor have I seen one like it again. These are just a few examples of the things God has shown me. He has shown me what I like to call "Godincidences" through my entire walk.
But this week I started wondering why I hadn't been experiencing these things lately. I asked God one morning about this and immediately was reminded "you have not because you ask not". Okay, God, I hear you! I really began to reflect on this, and it was true, I had stopped asking to hear and see and feel the presence of God as much as I had before. So I began praying again, asking God to let His Holy Spirit show me things. I was hungry and thirsty for the presence of God. I debated and prayed over whether or not to share this with you, but after almost a week, I feel that I must.
Last Saturday morning I was in the shower. Alan was gone and the boys were upstairs playing. Our shower door is frosted so you can't really see through it, but as I was standing under the hot water, enjoying my long, hot shower, I suddenly felt like someone was in the room. I turned and looked out the door and saw what appeared to be a person come through the room and go into our closet. It was white and I felt as though I even heard footsteps. Alan had worn a white shirt that day, and I was amazed that he had gone to the store so quickly; so I laughed, called out his name, and said as much to him about his timing. I got no answer. It's not unusual that he wouldn't hear me :) so I repeated myself. I got no answer. Then I began to wonder what had happened. I was so sure than I saw and heard someone that I just began calling his name. Nothing. Alan wasn't home yet. The boys were still upstairs playing. I believe with all my heart that an angel passed through the room that day! I saw the white through the door...I heard the footsteps. As I began to realize what God had done, I'll be honest and say that I was in disbelief. But then I realized that this is what I had been asking for all week. I had also been telling God that I was an open vessel...that I wanted to be used in such a way to share His work and His presence. He did it, and that is why I felt I must share it!! When I finally began to comprehend what had happened and truly, fully accept it, I felt a warmth and presence in that room with me that was so strong. It was almost as if I lost all sense of everything around me and was able to share just a moment alone with an angel. It was fast, but amazing, and the after effects have been very long-lasting! You have not because you ask not...that kept running through my mind. There is nothing that God can't do. He just wants us to be open and willing to receive whatever it is He wants to give us. And He wants to give us everything...after all, He gave up His only son for us!
So, there it is...I've shared, and I saw an angel! It was beautiful. It was white. It's presence was peaceful. It made me smile and laugh and drew me right to God. It was a magnificent experience, and one that gives me peace every day to know that God surrounds us with His angels to watch over us and protect us. He really does it...I saw it! God tells us to be careful....we might just be entertaining angels unaware!
I love you all,
Kacey
But this week I started wondering why I hadn't been experiencing these things lately. I asked God one morning about this and immediately was reminded "you have not because you ask not". Okay, God, I hear you! I really began to reflect on this, and it was true, I had stopped asking to hear and see and feel the presence of God as much as I had before. So I began praying again, asking God to let His Holy Spirit show me things. I was hungry and thirsty for the presence of God. I debated and prayed over whether or not to share this with you, but after almost a week, I feel that I must.
Last Saturday morning I was in the shower. Alan was gone and the boys were upstairs playing. Our shower door is frosted so you can't really see through it, but as I was standing under the hot water, enjoying my long, hot shower, I suddenly felt like someone was in the room. I turned and looked out the door and saw what appeared to be a person come through the room and go into our closet. It was white and I felt as though I even heard footsteps. Alan had worn a white shirt that day, and I was amazed that he had gone to the store so quickly; so I laughed, called out his name, and said as much to him about his timing. I got no answer. It's not unusual that he wouldn't hear me :) so I repeated myself. I got no answer. Then I began to wonder what had happened. I was so sure than I saw and heard someone that I just began calling his name. Nothing. Alan wasn't home yet. The boys were still upstairs playing. I believe with all my heart that an angel passed through the room that day! I saw the white through the door...I heard the footsteps. As I began to realize what God had done, I'll be honest and say that I was in disbelief. But then I realized that this is what I had been asking for all week. I had also been telling God that I was an open vessel...that I wanted to be used in such a way to share His work and His presence. He did it, and that is why I felt I must share it!! When I finally began to comprehend what had happened and truly, fully accept it, I felt a warmth and presence in that room with me that was so strong. It was almost as if I lost all sense of everything around me and was able to share just a moment alone with an angel. It was fast, but amazing, and the after effects have been very long-lasting! You have not because you ask not...that kept running through my mind. There is nothing that God can't do. He just wants us to be open and willing to receive whatever it is He wants to give us. And He wants to give us everything...after all, He gave up His only son for us!
So, there it is...I've shared, and I saw an angel! It was beautiful. It was white. It's presence was peaceful. It made me smile and laugh and drew me right to God. It was a magnificent experience, and one that gives me peace every day to know that God surrounds us with His angels to watch over us and protect us. He really does it...I saw it! God tells us to be careful....we might just be entertaining angels unaware!
I love you all,
Kacey
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Happy New Year
Hi to everyone! Wow, what a year it has been! I have been reflecting on the past year, and it has been a journey that I never could have imagined. I had no idea what I was in for. When I say that, I mean that I didn't know what I was in for physically, emotionally, and mostly, spiritually. My radiation treatments started last year on January 5th, and during that first visit to get my markings I had never felt so alone and scared. This was a feeling I wasn't expecting. I mean, I was so elated that I didn't need chemotherapy, that I didn't put much thought into radiation. I could not have been more wrong to have thought that. That was the beginning of 2012 for me, and yes, the year was a roller coaster with plenty of ups and downs, but what I would like to share most is what God did, and still does, for me. When I first heard that I had breast cancer, I was numb...for a while. My mom was diagnosed with it 12 years before, and that rocked my world. It was scary, but she carried herself through it with such dignity and grace that I didn't understand just what she faced...until now. She is now cancer free going on 13 years! Sometimes I think it was harder for me to hear that my mom had cancer than it was for me to hear that I had it. I mean, she's my mom...I felt helpless. That's how I felt when the doctor called me...helpless. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to start. I suddenly didn't know what my future held or if I even had a future. I didn't know that at that moment God was taking who I was and changing me into who I am...and I long and strive to be more of who He wants me to be. I've been a Christian since I was 10 years old, but never have I experienced God like I have in the last year. One of the things that I've learned most is that God is such a gentleman, waiting for us to invite Him into our lives. He won't barge in or push through the door and yell and scream...He waits quietly, patiently, eagerly with His love bursting forth for us to ask Him in. I'd like to share a little of my journey this past year with you, but what I hope you take away from it is all of God's grace and mercy and how He truly has blessed me and touched me in ways that cannot be explained sufficiently in words...but I will try in hopes you can get a glimpse of how great and Almighty our God is.
When I look back on last year I remember all the things that happened, and I would be lying if I said I haven't struggled and cried and been frustrated and scared, fearing what would come next. But what's so miraculous to me is that what I remember most is how God was there with me every step. He was there during radiation in the cold, dark, scary room. I wasn't alone. It was at this moment that He gave me my favorite verse in the Bible - Joshua 1:9 - that says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage, do not be afraid or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go". (NKJV) He didn't say that He wanted me to think about it, or that if I had time to remember, or that He might...He said, "I have COMMANDED you". That verse carried and continues to carry me through so much. I remember waiting 30 days to find out if I was a carrier of a specific gene that would alter my treatment and my future. That was a long 30 days! But during that time, I cried out to God and asked Him for a sign. Do you know what He did? I will never forget this as long as I live, but God made it snow on my car...just for me. It didn't snow anywhere else. I was sitting in the car alone when my husband went inside the post office and that's when I cried out to God. It began to snow and as I looked around it wasn't snowing anywhere else. They were the biggest, most magnificent snowflakes I have ever seen. That was God! I remember the times I fell on my knees alone in my room and asked for peace. I'm a wife and a mom, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a niece, a granddaughter, a cousin, a friend...I wanted to continue to be all of those things. During these moments I literally felt the arms of Jesus wrap around me and peace flood my body in a warmth that cannot be described unless you've felt it. When you need to feel it, ask Him - He's waiting. I remember not wanting to have a drain after surgery. For some reason this REALLY bothered me and I didn't want it. My nurse told me it was usually inevitable these days. I prayed for no drain after surgery - I didn't have a drain! I've never known how fun it is to tell someone that God was going to do something and them not believe it, and then be able to see their faces when it does happen. God is funny! He's made me laugh. He gives me joy and strength and peace. I remember the long, dark nights when sleep would not come. But God reminded me that morning's coming and that every fear surrenders to His light. I remember the sky one morning and how vibrant and radiant it was, as if God was showing me His light to make sure I knew He was still there. I would not be able to count the tears I've cried, but I guarantee each tear was met with a whisper from my Heavenly Father that He's still there.
As I embark on this new year, I pray blessings for each of you. If there's one thing I want to make sure I tell you, it's that God is wonderful! He's patient. He's kind. He's loving. He waited for me to bring Him my fears. He wiped away my tears. He made me see His beauty in the way the sun rises or sets; in the way a rainbow can be so vibrant; in the beautiful sound a bird makes when it's singing. I love the way He shows me His love in the faces of my children when they sleep or smile. He's shown me the love that can come from my family and friends and even strangers. One of the hardest things I've learned is to try and take one day at a time. If I look too far ahead, I miss what's right in front of me. God has spoken to me through His word, through song, and even through strangers that were put in my path to uplift me...and they didn't even know it. He has surrounded me with angels on just the right day, at just the right time. He's amazing! I asked God in the beginning to allow me to be a vessel because I want to be able to tell others about how awesome our God is, but I never anticipated getting to know God like this. I never realized just how much He loves me and you. I never imagined there could be such majesty in the face of cancer...but there is. There's majesty in the face of fear and illness and loss...in everything there is majesty because God is majestic! He's a bountiful God pouring out blessings that sometimes we probably miss. I am so thankful for the past year of my life. I am thankful that God is my Lord and Savior. I am thankful to have been on the mountaintop, yet just as thankful to have been in the valley. Looking down from the mountain we can see all things around us and from way up top it all looks beautiful. But I am thankful that in the valleys that I've been in this last year, on my knees is where I've been able to look up and find His love and strength and unfailing grace and mercy. It's His face that I seek. I've learned to ask Him to show me his majesty...and He does. He's shown me wondrous love through each of you, and I thank you for walking this journey with me this past year. I am honored to have had you each by my side. Happy New Year to you all. My love for you overflows.
Love,
Kacey
When I look back on last year I remember all the things that happened, and I would be lying if I said I haven't struggled and cried and been frustrated and scared, fearing what would come next. But what's so miraculous to me is that what I remember most is how God was there with me every step. He was there during radiation in the cold, dark, scary room. I wasn't alone. It was at this moment that He gave me my favorite verse in the Bible - Joshua 1:9 - that says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage, do not be afraid or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go". (NKJV) He didn't say that He wanted me to think about it, or that if I had time to remember, or that He might...He said, "I have COMMANDED you". That verse carried and continues to carry me through so much. I remember waiting 30 days to find out if I was a carrier of a specific gene that would alter my treatment and my future. That was a long 30 days! But during that time, I cried out to God and asked Him for a sign. Do you know what He did? I will never forget this as long as I live, but God made it snow on my car...just for me. It didn't snow anywhere else. I was sitting in the car alone when my husband went inside the post office and that's when I cried out to God. It began to snow and as I looked around it wasn't snowing anywhere else. They were the biggest, most magnificent snowflakes I have ever seen. That was God! I remember the times I fell on my knees alone in my room and asked for peace. I'm a wife and a mom, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a niece, a granddaughter, a cousin, a friend...I wanted to continue to be all of those things. During these moments I literally felt the arms of Jesus wrap around me and peace flood my body in a warmth that cannot be described unless you've felt it. When you need to feel it, ask Him - He's waiting. I remember not wanting to have a drain after surgery. For some reason this REALLY bothered me and I didn't want it. My nurse told me it was usually inevitable these days. I prayed for no drain after surgery - I didn't have a drain! I've never known how fun it is to tell someone that God was going to do something and them not believe it, and then be able to see their faces when it does happen. God is funny! He's made me laugh. He gives me joy and strength and peace. I remember the long, dark nights when sleep would not come. But God reminded me that morning's coming and that every fear surrenders to His light. I remember the sky one morning and how vibrant and radiant it was, as if God was showing me His light to make sure I knew He was still there. I would not be able to count the tears I've cried, but I guarantee each tear was met with a whisper from my Heavenly Father that He's still there.
As I embark on this new year, I pray blessings for each of you. If there's one thing I want to make sure I tell you, it's that God is wonderful! He's patient. He's kind. He's loving. He waited for me to bring Him my fears. He wiped away my tears. He made me see His beauty in the way the sun rises or sets; in the way a rainbow can be so vibrant; in the beautiful sound a bird makes when it's singing. I love the way He shows me His love in the faces of my children when they sleep or smile. He's shown me the love that can come from my family and friends and even strangers. One of the hardest things I've learned is to try and take one day at a time. If I look too far ahead, I miss what's right in front of me. God has spoken to me through His word, through song, and even through strangers that were put in my path to uplift me...and they didn't even know it. He has surrounded me with angels on just the right day, at just the right time. He's amazing! I asked God in the beginning to allow me to be a vessel because I want to be able to tell others about how awesome our God is, but I never anticipated getting to know God like this. I never realized just how much He loves me and you. I never imagined there could be such majesty in the face of cancer...but there is. There's majesty in the face of fear and illness and loss...in everything there is majesty because God is majestic! He's a bountiful God pouring out blessings that sometimes we probably miss. I am so thankful for the past year of my life. I am thankful that God is my Lord and Savior. I am thankful to have been on the mountaintop, yet just as thankful to have been in the valley. Looking down from the mountain we can see all things around us and from way up top it all looks beautiful. But I am thankful that in the valleys that I've been in this last year, on my knees is where I've been able to look up and find His love and strength and unfailing grace and mercy. It's His face that I seek. I've learned to ask Him to show me his majesty...and He does. He's shown me wondrous love through each of you, and I thank you for walking this journey with me this past year. I am honored to have had you each by my side. Happy New Year to you all. My love for you overflows.
Love,
Kacey
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Sufficient Strength
It's been a few weeks since I've written, but I have had a hard time getting the words out. I am so deeply saddened by the shooting in Sandy Hook in Newtown. My heart literally aches for all of those families and that entire community. My prayers are with each of them. It makes me look at life so differently. That's what cancer does for me, too. I look at life differently. I ask that you pray for me because I am not able to take the medicine that blocks the cancer from returning. This is the second medicine I've tried. The first one caused blood clots and all sorts of "big" things. This one was working wonderfully I thought. However, I began noticing my knees getting weaker. They would hurt and ache. Then they began getting worse, to the point of me not being able to climb my stairs without crawling, not being able to stand from a chair without help, never being able to sit in the floor, etc. So I saw my oncologist last week and told him I thought I was doing great. I told him the hot flashes were manageable, and I was feeling better than I had in a long time. He asked if I was having any overall problems, and I told him about my knees. He told me it was the medicine. I couldn't believe it. I even went to a bone and joint doctor to be positive. They did x-rays and told me my knees looked great. So it is definitely the medicine. My doctor told me that if I didn't come off of it, it would continually get worse, and I suddenly saw myself in a wheelchair. I have to admit that I was frustrated. I felt too young for this. I felt, again, like this was a never-ending road. I have come off the medicine and am in what they call a "wash-out" period. I will stay off of it for two weeks and see if my knees get better. If they do, I will have to try another medicine. My knees are already better. Please pray that the next medicine will work. I had a hysterectomy in order to take these medicines, so please pray the next one works. I feel like I am running out of options. Taking no medicine is not an option. I just can't take the risk.
So while on this feeling of a never-ending road, this shooting in Sandy Hook happened. I couldn't sleep because I was, and still am, grieving for those families. And, I am so humbled each time I go into my oncologist's office. It is such a reminder of where I've been, where I am, where I could be, where I'm going..... So many things go through my mind when I'm there. One thing is how thankful I am that God is helping me through this breast cancer journey. Another is how much I have to be thankful for, and none of it is material. But if I'm not careful, worry takes over for me. I worried on Monday about dropping my own boys off at school. I go down the "what if" road...what if this medicine doesn't work....what if I have to live with this pain....what if I eventually need a wheelchair...and on and on. I have been asking God to give me a word, to just speak to me and let me hear Him. Today He took me to Matthew 6:34 that says, "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (NKJ). I read a devotion from Max Lucado on this that said when we look to the future and think "I can't handle that", we really can't handle that today; but when the time comes for us to handle it, God will supply our strength for that day. For me, this goes right back to the beginning of my journey when God was showing me how to live one day at a time because I couldn't look far into the future without being overwhelmed. I didn't have the strength back then to deal with what I'm dealing with today. But today, God gave me the strength I needed in Matthew 6:34. I only need to handle today what is in today. That's also given me comfort and solace for the people in Connecticut. I know God is there for them giving them the strength and mercy and grace and love they need. I know because this entire world has been hurt by this and there are more prayers going up for this than we can even imagine. What I need to remind myself of is that God is always listening to our prayers. He is there standing ready to hand out our strength every morning. I am learning not to ask for the strength I might need next week because that might not even come to pass. But if it does, God will be there that morning to hand me my strength to get through it with Him. What an awesome God we serve! So, today, I just ask for prayer that my knees feel better. When I need the strength to handle the new medicine, it will be there. I pray for you, too, that you will handle today and only today, for God's strength is sufficient when the time is right. Today is here and if we are too busy worrying about what's ahead, we miss what's here right now. I don't want to do that! I guarantee it'll be something spectacular when it's of God!
I love you all,
Kacey
So while on this feeling of a never-ending road, this shooting in Sandy Hook happened. I couldn't sleep because I was, and still am, grieving for those families. And, I am so humbled each time I go into my oncologist's office. It is such a reminder of where I've been, where I am, where I could be, where I'm going..... So many things go through my mind when I'm there. One thing is how thankful I am that God is helping me through this breast cancer journey. Another is how much I have to be thankful for, and none of it is material. But if I'm not careful, worry takes over for me. I worried on Monday about dropping my own boys off at school. I go down the "what if" road...what if this medicine doesn't work....what if I have to live with this pain....what if I eventually need a wheelchair...and on and on. I have been asking God to give me a word, to just speak to me and let me hear Him. Today He took me to Matthew 6:34 that says, "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (NKJ). I read a devotion from Max Lucado on this that said when we look to the future and think "I can't handle that", we really can't handle that today; but when the time comes for us to handle it, God will supply our strength for that day. For me, this goes right back to the beginning of my journey when God was showing me how to live one day at a time because I couldn't look far into the future without being overwhelmed. I didn't have the strength back then to deal with what I'm dealing with today. But today, God gave me the strength I needed in Matthew 6:34. I only need to handle today what is in today. That's also given me comfort and solace for the people in Connecticut. I know God is there for them giving them the strength and mercy and grace and love they need. I know because this entire world has been hurt by this and there are more prayers going up for this than we can even imagine. What I need to remind myself of is that God is always listening to our prayers. He is there standing ready to hand out our strength every morning. I am learning not to ask for the strength I might need next week because that might not even come to pass. But if it does, God will be there that morning to hand me my strength to get through it with Him. What an awesome God we serve! So, today, I just ask for prayer that my knees feel better. When I need the strength to handle the new medicine, it will be there. I pray for you, too, that you will handle today and only today, for God's strength is sufficient when the time is right. Today is here and if we are too busy worrying about what's ahead, we miss what's here right now. I don't want to do that! I guarantee it'll be something spectacular when it's of God!
I love you all,
Kacey
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